Your New Bundle

Hey guys, I hope today is going well for you.  I was thinking and realized that some of you out there are getting ready to have a baby.  It must be so scary to be thinking about bringing a new life into this crazy time.  I want to assure you it is going to be ok.

The world has faced many crazy times before, we have had to deal with extreme uncertainty many times.  We have faced severe diseases before and while scary, we have made it.  This is not the first global crisis nor will it be our last and that is just a fact.  What we do know is that we have made it each time one has popped up, this will be no exception.

With that said embrace this time.  Enjoy the journey, before you know it that baby will be here and you will be so full of love.  Enjoy every day, you will soon be watching them grow and turn into and amazing little person.

I know you are trying to get items around to be prepared and it can be a little difficult right now so here is a link to a discount on some items you might need or just want.  Enjoy https://amzn.to/2VzFeKq  lets beat this lockdown together, just as long as it is 6 feet apart

Graduation Time

So it happened.  My daughter graduated high school on Saturday.  It seems like not so long ago she was starting her first day of Kindergarten.  I cried that day.  I knew she was growing up and it was scary.  I cried on graduation day because she is a grown up, and it is scary.

It is bitter sweet really.  I knew it would come but I was still not prepared for it.  She really does deserve it though.  She worked very hard.  She fought each day to do her hardest.  She has Seizures, ADHD and some other things that really made it a challenge to remember all that she had learned.

Despite  these things she studied and worked hard to get the best grade she could each and everyday.  She is so smart too.  The seizures have robbed her of some memory but none the less she made good grades.  She worked hard and even won a scholarship for college.  She will be going in the fall.

She wants to be a teacher.  She wants to teach kindergarten or preschool.   She says she wants to make a difference by giving children the same start she got.  She loves school and really wants children to want to be there.  We joke about how she finished school, to go to school, so she can work at school.

Even though it has been a tough road she never gave up.  I could not be prouder of her.  I know she will do great things.  I have complete faith that she will make a change in the world.

                                                   

Quality-V-Quantity During the Holidays.

Hey there!!! With Christmas just round the corner I wanted to share something.  Do not forget what the holidays are all about.  Sue it is nice to get a gift from people, but the important part is the time spent.

Especially with kids.  Most of the time people can not remember what they got for Christmas when they were little but what they do remember is the people.  They remember that they always spent time with their loved ones.  That family was there.

Don't have a big family or really any family?  Again it is about quality.  Spend time with your favorite people.  Make the time count with the people that matter the most to you.  That is the big picture here.  For me and my daughter it is time with my parents.  Unfortunately since my Mom passed this year it is a little harder but that means the time with my Dad is even that much more special.

No matter who is there or what you do I sincerely hope you have a blessed and happy Holiday season.

Thanks for visiting talk to you soon.

Happy 4th of July

This is just a quick post.  I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July.  I hope you had a great holiday weekend and maybe even got to spend time with family and friends.

I was up north with my parents and daughter.  It is one of my favorite times of the year.  We just forget about what is going on and spend time with each other.  I hope you had that same type of weekend.

Just A Brief Moment

I am a little behind I know I need to give the next way I earn money.  I am actually doing a lot more, I am no longer working as of last Monday.  It has been great actually other than less money to work with at this point now but I refuse to give up on my debt free journey.  Currently I am working on earning Amazon points to pay for my daughters sweet 16 party.

I am super happy so far not working.  I have been able to be here for my daughter and actually get the rest that I need personally to recover mentally from all the stuff that has been going on.  I am not saying go out and quit your job but, I really feel that some people are not meant to work in a corporate world.  Ever since I was a kid I knew that I was not suited to work for the big companies and after many unhappy long years I am looking into pursuing something that is actually suited for me.

I will be back with more money making opportunities soon so do not worry,  Until then check out the older post for previously mentioned ways to earn and keep on working on the debt free journey.  God did not make you to struggle so stick with me, we can do this together.

Happy New Year

I just wanted to take a moment to say Happy New Year!  I am looking to this year with a positive attitude and plan to make some personal changes.  I am very excited to see what this year holds.  Last year was rough and I suspect that this year will have its moments.  I also suspect it will be easier to deal with if I choose to have a different perspective this year also.

So with that I hope you have a great year.  I hope you are blessed more than you can imagine and I hope to continue to connect with you more this year.  Thank you for reading.

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to take a moment to wish every one a very merry Christmas.  This time of year is such a great time.  It is a time to slow down and be with family and friends.  I get to enjoy being with everyone.  I love the excitement of the year and being with my daughter.

Today we spent time with my parents.  We don't see them much any more since they moved up north from us.  We are lucky to still have them around so I love the time I get to spend with them.  It is a time to just relax and take in the world around us.  You know that the new year is right around the corner and so many possibilities are coming.

I have heard people say " who cares about the new year it is just going to be the same stuff another year longer".  Well I like to think that  it means we can look toward something new coming.  New year dreams, new adventures, new blessings, a time for new ideas.  I like to think of it as a fresh time to get going.  It is like how nature takes time to rest during winter and them blooms bright come spring.  Well that is what we can do with the new year. We come back refreshed from all the stuff that has happened over the past year.  Brush it off and think of the amazing adventure ahead.

With that said I hope you have a very blessed week ahead and smile as you look forward to all the possibilities  that are headed your way.

Happy Holidays from our house to yours.

Feeling Pretty Good

So for a long time things were really rough.  Then all of the sudden the other day I was sitting here doing my surveys and such and it hit me.  I was fine.  I wasn't stressed even though a lot of things were crazy.  I was relaxed and at peace with my situation.  I didn't care that things were going wrong. I was just enjoying sitting with my daughter and doing my thing.  It was a great feeling.

As you all know it has been a long time that things have been going crazy for me.  Every day I woke up worried about what was going to go wrong and would I make it just one more day.  This day it was all gone.  I wasn't worried, or stressed or anything of the sort.  I was just at peace.  It was an amazing moment for me.  It has been so long but I got there.  Every day since I have thought about that feeling and I keep it going.  Not every day is perfect and sunshine but I am still here.

I am also thinking about taking a big step into a career change where I am in charge.  I want to help people.  I want it to be in a big way though so I am thinking of becoming a life coach.  I can help people figure out what they want to do and how to get there.  I am not sure this is my true calling but it has been on my mind day after day for at least a week now so I am researching the topic.  I think it would be amazing to help others find their true passion and how to get there.

I am ready to change and do big things with my life.  I know I am poor in money but I am rich in faith and spirit.  I am going to make it.  So will you.

Just a Little Chat

So the holidays are upon us.  For me that means shopping for my daughter, parents and a few friends.  It is a time to just be with family and enjoy,  we can start to look forward to the next year as well.  It is a fun time of year.

Some people get all stressed out and are so caught up in the shopping they miss out on the joy of the season.  I like just slowing down and enjoying what is going on in my life.  My daughter gets so excited about Christmas still which is nice to see at her age.  We take time to pick out the gifts for everyone together.  She is very particular about what she wants to get people.  We help buy gifts for a needy child each year and she likes picking stuff out for them.  I think she would spend every last dollar I have on them if I would let her.  I feel blessed to have raised such a caring child.

As we get closer I want to slow down even more and enjoy the time.  It seems like each year it goes faster and faster, before I know it she will be 18 and graduating high school and off to college.  I want to enjoy every last second I can.  Even though this year has been so rough, when I stop to think there is still so much to be thankful for.

So as the holidays roll through take take the time to enjoy the people around you.  Slow down and just take it all in.  It is going to go by no matter what so why not just enjoy it.  You will not get time to do it again.

Getting on With Your Life After Loss

So it has been more than a month since my loss.  I have good days and bad days.  Some things are a little more emotional than others.  My cousin had a baby the other day and day and my friend is about to have one any day now.  Don't get me wrong I am very happy for both of them.  I wish them nothing but the best.  It doesn't make it any less hurtful in my situation.

There are thing every where that are reminders.  Even reading the ads is hard when they are having the baby sales.  Seeing everyone out with there babies and knowing that won't happen for me is hard.  Sometimes I think about what it would have been like had I still been pregnant.  I know how much time was left and I think about how big I would be and what I would be feeling right now.

It is hard.  I remind myself of all the reasons that it is ok, like all the pain I was in and the fact that I have a child who already needs so much of my time.  Of course my age was a big thing.  The big one is God needed another angel for something.  Those things sometimes help me remember to not be so lost.  Then all it takes is one little thing like some one selling a car seat on line or a coupon for bottles and suddenly I am back to the fact that I don't need those because I am not pregnant.

It has only been a little over a month so it is still fresh.  In time I know I will be better.  I can't say it will ever go away but it will get better.  I will be able to see other people have new babies and not feel loss but rather joy and happiness.  One day the pain will be so much less but until then I will have to do my best to move forward.

Weight Update

So I am down 5 pounds.  It is not a ton but it is a start.  I have continued to use the smoothies with the protein powder.  I have tried not to eat fast food as much and keep the sugary drinks low.  I will never completely cut out #coke but I do try to not over do it either.  My goal is no more than one a day but some times I have more than that and it is ok too.  I will be attempting to go back to the gym starting Monday however I have been in quite a bit of pain so we shall see how that starts out.

I am not trying to starve myself nor deprive myself.  I am just trying to be a healthier me and a more confident me.  You do not have to be a size 2 in order to be happy.  If you are being healthy and you are you are happy at a size 10 then that is fine too.  It is all about how you feel about yourself and if you are happy.  Now I am not promoting being 300 pounds and thinking that is fine but I am not saying you have to be a twig either.  If what you are doing is making you unhealthy or unhappy then you should fix it. You do not want to die at 35 because you loved cheeseburgers too much but having them now and then is not the end of the world

I will continue my journey until I am happy with the results.  I am not sure what size that will make me.  I do know that what ever size I end up it will be what I am happy with and not a number that some chart has labeled me as needing to be.

New Decisions

So after a long weekend and a lot of emotions I am trying to make a change.  I have decided I need to make some serious changes to my life.  I have had so many emotional things happen and I have been let down by so many.  I realized this weekend that I have given so much of myself to make others happy without worrying about the consequences it would have on me.  I have put them above my own mental and physical health.  It is time to stop this cycle.

It is ok to help people and consider how your actions will affect others, but at the end of the day you have to make sure you and your family are taken care of.  If you let yourself bottle everything up then eventually you will finally break. This is what happened to me over the weekend.  I realized how many people have  used me for their benefit and then when I was no longer needed they dropped me.  I was to trusting that they cared as much as I did but I was wrong.

The problem is my heart is too open.  I am not saying be closed off completely but you really have to know the people you let in your circle.  Make sure the people you invest your time in are investing their time back into you.  Even a little bit.  They may never be able to give as much as you for whatever reason, but make sure they are giving back and not just taking.  If you are the only one giving in a relationship then it might be time to re-evaluate things between you.

I want everyone to live an emotionally healthy life.  Please just keep an eye on who you are letting in your life.  Make sure they are making you as happy as you make them.  Life is give and take.  Please take the time to love and live to the fullest.

Happy Mother's Day

I was not prepared for what becoming a Mother really meant.  It is a huge sacrifice of your former self.  It has no manual to tell you what to do for any particular event that may come.  There is no pay, time off or anything that would be associated with regular employment.  None the less it is a position I proudly hold.

Our life together has not been easy since the beginning.  We have had our fair share of challenges to say the least.  The thing is at the end of the day we are together so the hard stuff isn't as bad.  I am able to see my daughter grow up into the amazing person that she is.  Becoming a Mom has changed me for the better.  I can not say where I would be if I had not become a Mom.

Being able to take care of my daughter and show her of to the the world is an amazing feeling.  She is really my greatest accomplishment.  There are so many things that I could have changed about the way I handle being a Mom but then would she be the same person.

So to all the Mom's who have put there children first and sleep last.  For doing your best to make the world just a little better by being there for them.  I shout to you HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!  May each year be better than the one before

Saving Money and Getting Out of Debt: The Beginning

So You want to save money and get out of debt?  This is actually the first step.  Admitting that you need to get out of debt is how you get going.  A lot of people don't like to admit there is a problem.  If you can not do that then you will not be able to go any farther.

You have to start by admitting that you got yourself into a bad spot and now you need to get out.  Many people spend their years spending and digging the whole and then when they retire they have no way to take care of themselves.  They end up creating debt and then when they are gone their family has to take care of the problem.  This is not the position you want to leave your children in.

You have to commit today, right this minute that even if you do not want to take the steps I have used that you will do something to improve your finances.  You have to get the whole family on board and make sure they know what you are working toward.  If you are saving and your spouse is still over spending it will get you nowhere.  Have a family meeting immediately and put down  your foot.  Make it known that the family needs to make some changes for a better future.  If you are single then you need to make this commitment to yourself and hold yourself  accountable.  Your future depends on you doing your part.

If you are ready to improve your finances then stick with me.  I am going to walk you through different ways that will help you get things under control.  It is not going to always be easy but you are going to be happy you did it in the end.

Follow up

So this week was supposed to start a series on saving money and slowly getting ahead.  Unfortunately I was not able to start this week due to some personal issues.  I will be starting the series on Monday.  I really hope to have you here so we can go through this journey together.  I really am excited to help you all succeed in your financial future.  Please come back Monday and bring your positive attitude because we are going to make some changes.  This will be the beginning of financial freedom.  I hope to see you here.

Good Morning

Good Morning.  How is your morning going?  This morning is going pretty well.  I woke up in a good mood and my daughter got up happy. 

This is not the normal in our home usually there are about 3 taps to the snooze.  Then we go through the whining about not wanting to get up.  Then there is the pretending to get up but not really moving.  Then finally we are out of bed and complaining about everything . My daughter has ADHD so she gets distracted easy.  Then we finally start really getting ready like 20 minutes before we have to leave. 

This is pretty much a daily thing but the last two days we have not done the snooze.  We got up in a good mood and got ready early.  It was nice.  I made sure that we were following schedule and remained calm all morning.  The not arguing about getting ready and waking up nicely has really seemed to help.  Guiding her rather than fighting has made a big difference.

So if you have a stubborn child try working with them instead of fighting them.  They may just surprise you and start working with you also.

Different kind of Day

So this day started off on a not so awesome note.  My daughter needed blood drawn for her Dr's appointment so we went.  When we got there they said there was no order.  Mind you we set this appointment up in November and were told that we could go anytime.   We even got up at 550 AM so she would not miss school.  The lady found her last one in the computer and was able to draw based on that but because they didn't talk to the Dr's office in time the results were not ready for our appointment, which we still had to go to so he could send refills to the pharmacy.

The snow made it almost impossible to go anywhere so I canceled most of my other plans today.  I even tried to male my phone calls and that got me nowhere.  I was very frustrated by the time I brought my daughter home from school.  We almost got stuck on the road because of the snow.  I have not parked in my driveway for over a month due to not being able to shovel.  I have an injury and the plows packed way to much snow up for me to clear on my own.

After we left the office we came home and I saw my neighbor on his 4 wheeler with a plow.  I was pointing it out to my daughter telling her we needed one too.  As we parked I noticed the guy coming down the road.  He ended up plowing most of my driveway so for the first time since the January storm I parked in my driveway.  I even backed in which I never do in hopes that I don't get stuck again.

Then I had a great idea!  Me and my daughter had movie night.  We watched two different versions of Gulliver's Travels.  We both decided that the one with Jack Black was way better.  It was very funny.  It did have a little language that surprised me because they are  watching at school.  Over all though it was great and we got to enjoy a nice evening together with no stress in the end.

Moral of today= just because the day does not start out so awesome does not mean it can not end awesome.

Having Second Thoughts

So after a year and a half of being miserable at my job and the straw that broke the camels back falling down I decided it was time to go to a different building even if it meant going at the same pay rate and all.  I just wanted out.  I finally had a nervous break down at work, fifteen minutes later I found myself applying for a position at another location that was exactly the same as mine just not where I was.

I got an interview with them and I was still leery at the time about making the move but still kept going with it.  Everyone said it would be great for me.  Less stress and closer to home.   The schedule means no Saturdays unless I want to so it sounded perfect for me.  Then I got the call from HR and I was offered the job.  I was soooo exited because I had finally gotten out.

Then my friend from my branch called and said it looked like my managers feelings were crushed when she got the news.  This however is the same manager who has been so mean and finally caused the break down.  How could it be that she even cared if I left or not.  She was always making comments that made me feel not good enough.  She acted like I was the worst employee there.  It was insane how many mean things she said and did to me.  Even my other coworkers started making comments to me about how they were beginning to see how she treated me.

So why is it now that I accepted the position I am feeling guilty.  Why do I have such a huge regret over this situation.  I really didn't want to leave my branch I like it there because of the people I have met and things like that.  I would love to stay but things will never change for me there.  I will always be the punching bag for them.  I even cried about it yesterday because I am worried I made the wrong choice.  I mean had it not been for that Friday break down I would never have even applied for it, but at that moment I knew I had to get out as well.

No I am transferring and there is no looking back.  I can only hope that I am happier in my new surroundings and that I made the right decision.  Everyone says I did but I certainly do not feel like ti right now.   I guess only time will tell in this situation and I will have to make the best of it.

Oh Soo Tired

I am so tired right now.  I can not sleep lately.  I went to bed at 3 and was still up by 8am.  Not sure what is going on.  I did however get some stuff done today.  Cleaned up got some laundry done and fixed a very bad extension  cord problem.

I love cooking in a crock pot as a easy way to cook.  Today I learned that I am not a fan of making crock pot fettuccine.  I used a jar of sauce so I thought it should taste pretty good.  It was pretty bland.  We ended up having frozen pizzas.  We gave the noodles to the dogs.  They seemed to like it.  I also think the crock pot is weird.  I have to cook only on low then switch to warm only after a bit or it starts to burn everything like it is overheating.  It is good enough though until I find my good one or go get another one.  I really like the ease of slow cooking and the variety of things that can be cooked.  Do you have a slow cooker recipe that you love to make?  Where did you learn to make it?

My daughter is back from her Dads weekend so I am super happy now.  I really miss her when she is gone.  Plus I miss tons when she is gone.  She is getting so big and before I know it she will be off to college and I will only see her on weekends or whenever she decides to come visit.  I am doing my best to spend time with her under these new circumstances so I don't feel like I missed anything.  I want to know that I made an impact on her life over the years.  I am determined that she will only have good memories to look back on even though her Dad and I didn't end up together forever I want her to go forward happy and healthy and loved.

When The Ex Comes Calling

So I found out my mom was in the hospital the other day but I was trying to stay calm because my dad said it wasn't to serious.  I went through my day the next day at work and just tried to keep my mind off the problem.  Then I saw a number on my phone and there was a voice mail so I checked I checked and was quite shocked at who it was.

It turned out to be my first ex-husband!  Now I really don't talk to him.  Our relationship went pretty much like this last one.  In the end he cheated but he is my daughters biological Father so he left me pregnant with not much to my name.  I have since gotten over the situation since I can't change it.  We have talked before so whatever.  Some how this voice mail seemed different though.  It just said call me at this number.  Well I thought about it and I did. 

When he answered he asked how I was.  I said fine then he said he had been itching so he knew he should call.  What he was talking about is that we got matching tattoos before our wedding but they are in Japanese so they just look like another tattoo.  After the divorce mine would occasionally itch an swell and with out fail every time it did he was up to something.  So I finally told him about it, so I guess he felt his acting up and decided to call.  Weird timing so I told him he was right and explained my mom.

We talked for 2 hours that night and I really let him have it for the things he put me through.  We talked about all kinds of different things.  We talked about my up coming divorce and I yelled a lot about things.  He told me things he had heard years ago and we just had it out and went through a lot of emotions.  At one point he mentioned me being mad at him and still hating him. Well I corrected him.

You see the truth is that I don't care any more.  I forgave him and stopped being mad about the marriage a long time ago.  I explained to him what I was mad about was his choices.  He choice to cheat, to leave, and to not be part of my daughters life.  That made me angry but it was also his problem.  He made those choices and what happened was neither here nor there.  I was long over the cheating and being left behind and my daughter doesn't even want to know his name so it is what it is but he made crappy choices.

We had a grudge match conversation.  We went at each other about all the faults that happened, who's fault it was that things ended, who cheated on who.  You name it we probably covered it.  I even started calling him names by the alphabet.  it was a very intense conversation.  In the end we said good night and talk later.

We talked another 2 hours yesterday.  It was kind of healing talking to him.  We never had a real closer to our marriage.  We lived in different states when the whole thing happened so it never really got resolved.  When he did move back it was more of a competition to prove who had moved on better.  Which I ultimately won that  one so that was satisfying.  We sat another 2 hours going through the same routine as the night before.  This time though I really let him have it.  Let him know what him acting like he did caused.

I wanted him to know.  He went through the routine of supposedly I cheated on him and whatever.  Finally I said your right.  Whoever you think I cheated with your right.  I did from now on who ever you mention that's who I will agree with.  I told him that now he can tell people I did it so he could feel justified about what he did.  Now he could blame me for every thing and the dismantling of our marriage.  This really got to him.  He didn't like it at all.  I simply took his ammunition from him.  That was good too.  It made him have to think about his actions for once.  After I finally just said your right it was my fault.  I gave up everything for you and did everything for you but in the end it was my fault that our family broke down.  I told him make sure he told people this too.  I no longer wanted people to think he had done me wrong.  Once he couldn't really make me mad about it, it kinda forced him to really look at the situation.  We talked a little longer then said goodnight. 

I text him tonight but he really can't talk to me.  I took away all the things he had over me to make me so angry these last 13 years.  The only thing he was left with was the cold truth and that hurt a little.  He always mentions that he knows he screwed up but he always says I had a big part in it and would never really let it go so when I finally said call me what you want and think what you want.  He no longer had control to make me angry of accusing me of random things.  I hope next time we talk that we can have and actual conversation with out dragging things out but who knows.  Only time will tell.  I just hope it doesn't take another 13 years for us to have a civil conversation