A Few Updates

So today I am just going to talk about updates.  A lot has happened over the last year and I talked about some of them.  I am going to tell you today how things are going as we have made our way.

I have been divorced for a year now.  It is still hard to accept because I trusted him with everything I had which included my child, and he let me down.  The hardest part is he continues to let my daughter down but refuses to acknowledge she is hurting.  I can not change that.  I can only love her as much as I can and try to move forward.  He has completely moved and seems to be doing great while I continue to struggle with many things.  I pray and keep going and just do my best to help my daughter.

Weight loss is a constant struggle.  I have lost 20 pounds but have a lot to go.  We have had a rough year health wise so getting to the gym has been a distant thought completely.  I have a lot more to go but I am trying to at least be more conscious about how much I eat.  I don't really make a big deal about what I eat but how much and when. I am working on eating only when I am hungry and stopping when I am full.  Not snacking just to eat.

My daughter still has seizures and other things going on.   It has been a tough struggle this year for her health wise and it is really starting to get to her.  he is trying to remain positive but I know she is hurting in so many ways.  All I can do is be there for her and give her as much love as I can.  I continue to pray for her each day.

Things have been tough but My God, me and my daughter are tougher.  We will get through this. It may be next year or longer but we will make it and rest assured we will thrive at the end of the day.  

Sorry For the absence Here is an update

So sorry I have not written in a long time.  So much has happened lately.  I am going to try to keep it short tonight but give you as much of the info as possible.

So on the weight loss.  That is going nowhere.  I have not been doing anything so I am still at the same weight as when I started my plan.  I know I will get there it is just going to take sometime to get there.

As for my marriage.  It officially ended on March 6th 2014.  It was not pretty that day and I was called a lot of names.  In the end I feel I did what was right for my daughter so I just have to move on and remember I can only do my best.

As for my job well I switched branches and I am doing good there. I have a lot to learn but they are very supportive so it makes it nicer.  I got a raise this year so I am happy about that.  I worked really hard to get it so I wish it was more but it is a start.

Things are a little crazy but I am really trying to stay positive and just move forward.  I am hoping by this time next year I will be much better off and closer to my goals.

That is all for tonight.  Have a great game.

So Many Decisions But Not Enough Time

So I have a lot of things I need to make decisions on right now and the deadlines are quickly approaching.  I have no idea what I want to do about them either.  I have been praying over each of them but still I am not sure what the best decision for each situation is. 

They are all very important decisions that will impact my future so I do not want to make the wrong choice for any of them.  If I make the wrong decision it impacts other things and I really don't want to mess those things up.

I have to decide whether or not to keep my house or just let it go.  I would love to keep it and rent it out again it was something I bought on my own and I am very proud of that but at the same time I do not want it to eat all my money.  I am working on paying off bills and saving up some money and this could affect that.  I am not sure that I can keep the house and be able to save money at the same time.  I really want to get back on my feet and stop having to ask for help all the time.  On the other hand I don't want to give up my home either.  It is a really hard choice to make at this point.

I also have to make the decision of if I really want to switch branches.  After today I am back to wanting to leave the branch I am at.  I already have the new position but I can change my mind at any time before I actually start there.  I struggled over the weekend about what to do and have continued to pray.  Somethings that happened that might seem petty to some really made me feel like leaving is the right thing.  Then I wait on some of the customers and realize I like them and I would love to stay and continue to work for them.  It is really hard to make these choices.

Then there is whether or not I should get a lawyer to help me finalize my divorce.  I have done most of it myself so this is to just get it done and help with the custody concerns.  I am having a lot of problems with my about to be ex doing what he should be as a parent but I do what I am supposed to and it is ridiculous that he can just lie and do what ever he wants and my daughter continues to suffer because his selfishness.  I am very much over the situation but at the same time it will be very costly to pay for this lawyer which goes back to the trying to save money part.

It is a lot to figure out and basically I have to decide by the end of this week so that puts even more pressure on me since it is half way over.  I need to figure it out quick though or all the decisions will be made for me and I will just have to live with whatever happens.

An Update Post

So in this post I am just going to give some updates on some stuff that I have talked about before.  I feel that I should from time to time let you know how things are going with some of the things that I have posted in the past.  If ever you want to know how something is going though feel free to ask.  I will gladly tell you how things are going.

So as for the update on my exercise stuff.  Well I have not been being very diligent but I am trying to get better.  I have gotten food for work so I am less tempted to go out to eat for lunch.  I have been trying to stand more than sit at work and some times I just walk behind the line to get some extra activity.  I think I got a small catch up on working out though since I have been shoveling the driveway and pushing my car out of being stuck.

With that an update on our severe weather we had.  Well just as they got everything all cleaned up and people got power back we started getting snow.  Now everyone is snowed in and missing work.  I started at 720 am and just got my truck unstuck at 1.  I have no idea if I will be able to get be able to get there tomorrow either so I am hoping that it will work out or I have to use PTO days to cover it.  The other problem is I am soooo sore and tired from all the work I have already done.  I don't know if I can shovel one more scoop.

Then there is the scoop on my divorce.  It is exactly 2 months from today.  I am kinda nervous I feel unprepared for some reason.  I just want to move on at this point and get going forward with mine and my daughters life.  Things are just to crazy with always having to always worry about what is going on with this stuff.  Once it is final then that is that.  My daughter still does not enjoy going over there but I am working on it either he will give her the attention she needs  or he will learn she is mad and give up on trying to force her.

Then we get to the other divorce info.  So Me and my first ex have test a few time since chatting but that is about it.  We haven't really talked about anything important in those texts though.  Just a few hope you are doing good, I am tired talk later, that type of stuff. I text him back briefly today but that is about it.  At least we had a good chat the other days and I got some stuff off my chest that I had never been able to talk to him about so that was nice.  I guess we will see if there is any future conversation.

Well I am going to go work on shoveling my car out some more and hope I can get to work tomorrow.  I hope you are safe and warm where you are at. Until next time.

When The Ex Comes Calling

So I found out my mom was in the hospital the other day but I was trying to stay calm because my dad said it wasn't to serious.  I went through my day the next day at work and just tried to keep my mind off the problem.  Then I saw a number on my phone and there was a voice mail so I checked I checked and was quite shocked at who it was.

It turned out to be my first ex-husband!  Now I really don't talk to him.  Our relationship went pretty much like this last one.  In the end he cheated but he is my daughters biological Father so he left me pregnant with not much to my name.  I have since gotten over the situation since I can't change it.  We have talked before so whatever.  Some how this voice mail seemed different though.  It just said call me at this number.  Well I thought about it and I did. 

When he answered he asked how I was.  I said fine then he said he had been itching so he knew he should call.  What he was talking about is that we got matching tattoos before our wedding but they are in Japanese so they just look like another tattoo.  After the divorce mine would occasionally itch an swell and with out fail every time it did he was up to something.  So I finally told him about it, so I guess he felt his acting up and decided to call.  Weird timing so I told him he was right and explained my mom.

We talked for 2 hours that night and I really let him have it for the things he put me through.  We talked about all kinds of different things.  We talked about my up coming divorce and I yelled a lot about things.  He told me things he had heard years ago and we just had it out and went through a lot of emotions.  At one point he mentioned me being mad at him and still hating him. Well I corrected him.

You see the truth is that I don't care any more.  I forgave him and stopped being mad about the marriage a long time ago.  I explained to him what I was mad about was his choices.  He choice to cheat, to leave, and to not be part of my daughters life.  That made me angry but it was also his problem.  He made those choices and what happened was neither here nor there.  I was long over the cheating and being left behind and my daughter doesn't even want to know his name so it is what it is but he made crappy choices.

We had a grudge match conversation.  We went at each other about all the faults that happened, who's fault it was that things ended, who cheated on who.  You name it we probably covered it.  I even started calling him names by the alphabet.  it was a very intense conversation.  In the end we said good night and talk later.

We talked another 2 hours yesterday.  It was kind of healing talking to him.  We never had a real closer to our marriage.  We lived in different states when the whole thing happened so it never really got resolved.  When he did move back it was more of a competition to prove who had moved on better.  Which I ultimately won that  one so that was satisfying.  We sat another 2 hours going through the same routine as the night before.  This time though I really let him have it.  Let him know what him acting like he did caused.

I wanted him to know.  He went through the routine of supposedly I cheated on him and whatever.  Finally I said your right.  Whoever you think I cheated with your right.  I did from now on who ever you mention that's who I will agree with.  I told him that now he can tell people I did it so he could feel justified about what he did.  Now he could blame me for every thing and the dismantling of our marriage.  This really got to him.  He didn't like it at all.  I simply took his ammunition from him.  That was good too.  It made him have to think about his actions for once.  After I finally just said your right it was my fault.  I gave up everything for you and did everything for you but in the end it was my fault that our family broke down.  I told him make sure he told people this too.  I no longer wanted people to think he had done me wrong.  Once he couldn't really make me mad about it, it kinda forced him to really look at the situation.  We talked a little longer then said goodnight. 

I text him tonight but he really can't talk to me.  I took away all the things he had over me to make me so angry these last 13 years.  The only thing he was left with was the cold truth and that hurt a little.  He always mentions that he knows he screwed up but he always says I had a big part in it and would never really let it go so when I finally said call me what you want and think what you want.  He no longer had control to make me angry of accusing me of random things.  I hope next time we talk that we can have and actual conversation with out dragging things out but who knows.  Only time will tell.  I just hope it doesn't take another 13 years for us to have a civil conversation