So it has been more than a month since my loss. I have good days and bad days. Some things are a little more emotional than others. My cousin had a baby the other day and day and my friend is about to have one any day now. Don't get me wrong I am very happy for both of them. I wish them nothing but the best. It doesn't make it any less hurtful in my situation.
There are thing every where that are reminders. Even reading the ads is hard when they are having the baby sales. Seeing everyone out with there babies and knowing that won't happen for me is hard. Sometimes I think about what it would have been like had I still been pregnant. I know how much time was left and I think about how big I would be and what I would be feeling right now.
It is hard. I remind myself of all the reasons that it is ok, like all the pain I was in and the fact that I have a child who already needs so much of my time. Of course my age was a big thing. The big one is God needed another angel for something. Those things sometimes help me remember to not be so lost. Then all it takes is one little thing like some one selling a car seat on line or a coupon for bottles and suddenly I am back to the fact that I don't need those because I am not pregnant.
It has only been a little over a month so it is still fresh. In time I know I will be better. I can't say it will ever go away but it will get better. I will be able to see other people have new babies and not feel loss but rather joy and happiness. One day the pain will be so much less but until then I will have to do my best to move forward.