Time To Find My Purpose

So it is going on two years since I came back from down south.  Two years since I found out my husband was cheating on me and wanted to end our marriage.  It has been a long all most two years and nothing has really changed.  I am still alone and broke.  I have so many ideas all the time but never act on any of them so that is not good.

I was not born to just get by.  No one is.  We all have a purpose here and we are destined to do great things really.  We all have that one thing we are meant to do, and we are meant to do it in a way no one else can.  The problem is life starts happening and we lose sight of these things.  We start to doubt our abilities in life.  It is tragic how many people go through life and never meet there potential.  Well no more.

Before I die I will find my purpose and I will be great at whatever it is that I was destined to do.  I need to start by getting my self organized.  You can not have a productive purposed life with clutter every where.  This will be hard at first.  I have gotten very disorganized over the years.  I guess it is due to the drama in my life.  You start to show signs outward when you are conflicted outside.

I need to get back into a routine.  I need to get my physical self back under control as well.  I lost weight and was very happy, then all hell broke loose and I have gained almost 10 pounds back.   It is more like I am just getting by in life waiting for things to happen.  It is time to start making things happen and do my best each and every day.

So first on the agenda is to get organized and get moving.  Having disorder and no movement at all is useless.  I can't get forward if I am not moving in the first place.

Different kind of Day

So this day started off on a not so awesome note.  My daughter needed blood drawn for her Dr's appointment so we went.  When we got there they said there was no order.  Mind you we set this appointment up in November and were told that we could go anytime.   We even got up at 550 AM so she would not miss school.  The lady found her last one in the computer and was able to draw based on that but because they didn't talk to the Dr's office in time the results were not ready for our appointment, which we still had to go to so he could send refills to the pharmacy.

The snow made it almost impossible to go anywhere so I canceled most of my other plans today.  I even tried to male my phone calls and that got me nowhere.  I was very frustrated by the time I brought my daughter home from school.  We almost got stuck on the road because of the snow.  I have not parked in my driveway for over a month due to not being able to shovel.  I have an injury and the plows packed way to much snow up for me to clear on my own.

After we left the office we came home and I saw my neighbor on his 4 wheeler with a plow.  I was pointing it out to my daughter telling her we needed one too.  As we parked I noticed the guy coming down the road.  He ended up plowing most of my driveway so for the first time since the January storm I parked in my driveway.  I even backed in which I never do in hopes that I don't get stuck again.

Then I had a great idea!  Me and my daughter had movie night.  We watched two different versions of Gulliver's Travels.  We both decided that the one with Jack Black was way better.  It was very funny.  It did have a little language that surprised me because they are  watching at school.  Over all though it was great and we got to enjoy a nice evening together with no stress in the end.

Moral of today= just because the day does not start out so awesome does not mean it can not end awesome.

So Many Decisions But Not Enough Time

So I have a lot of things I need to make decisions on right now and the deadlines are quickly approaching.  I have no idea what I want to do about them either.  I have been praying over each of them but still I am not sure what the best decision for each situation is. 

They are all very important decisions that will impact my future so I do not want to make the wrong choice for any of them.  If I make the wrong decision it impacts other things and I really don't want to mess those things up.

I have to decide whether or not to keep my house or just let it go.  I would love to keep it and rent it out again it was something I bought on my own and I am very proud of that but at the same time I do not want it to eat all my money.  I am working on paying off bills and saving up some money and this could affect that.  I am not sure that I can keep the house and be able to save money at the same time.  I really want to get back on my feet and stop having to ask for help all the time.  On the other hand I don't want to give up my home either.  It is a really hard choice to make at this point.

I also have to make the decision of if I really want to switch branches.  After today I am back to wanting to leave the branch I am at.  I already have the new position but I can change my mind at any time before I actually start there.  I struggled over the weekend about what to do and have continued to pray.  Somethings that happened that might seem petty to some really made me feel like leaving is the right thing.  Then I wait on some of the customers and realize I like them and I would love to stay and continue to work for them.  It is really hard to make these choices.

Then there is whether or not I should get a lawyer to help me finalize my divorce.  I have done most of it myself so this is to just get it done and help with the custody concerns.  I am having a lot of problems with my about to be ex doing what he should be as a parent but I do what I am supposed to and it is ridiculous that he can just lie and do what ever he wants and my daughter continues to suffer because his selfishness.  I am very much over the situation but at the same time it will be very costly to pay for this lawyer which goes back to the trying to save money part.

It is a lot to figure out and basically I have to decide by the end of this week so that puts even more pressure on me since it is half way over.  I need to figure it out quick though or all the decisions will be made for me and I will just have to live with whatever happens.

Having Second Thoughts

So after a year and a half of being miserable at my job and the straw that broke the camels back falling down I decided it was time to go to a different building even if it meant going at the same pay rate and all.  I just wanted out.  I finally had a nervous break down at work, fifteen minutes later I found myself applying for a position at another location that was exactly the same as mine just not where I was.

I got an interview with them and I was still leery at the time about making the move but still kept going with it.  Everyone said it would be great for me.  Less stress and closer to home.   The schedule means no Saturdays unless I want to so it sounded perfect for me.  Then I got the call from HR and I was offered the job.  I was soooo exited because I had finally gotten out.

Then my friend from my branch called and said it looked like my managers feelings were crushed when she got the news.  This however is the same manager who has been so mean and finally caused the break down.  How could it be that she even cared if I left or not.  She was always making comments that made me feel not good enough.  She acted like I was the worst employee there.  It was insane how many mean things she said and did to me.  Even my other coworkers started making comments to me about how they were beginning to see how she treated me.

So why is it now that I accepted the position I am feeling guilty.  Why do I have such a huge regret over this situation.  I really didn't want to leave my branch I like it there because of the people I have met and things like that.  I would love to stay but things will never change for me there.  I will always be the punching bag for them.  I even cried about it yesterday because I am worried I made the wrong choice.  I mean had it not been for that Friday break down I would never have even applied for it, but at that moment I knew I had to get out as well.

No I am transferring and there is no looking back.  I can only hope that I am happier in my new surroundings and that I made the right decision.  Everyone says I did but I certainly do not feel like ti right now.   I guess only time will tell in this situation and I will have to make the best of it.