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Lansing, Michigan, United States
I am a Mother, a mentor, a business owner, an employee. I am a person I have a busy life and would like to help others deal with their busy lives.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

When The Ex Comes Calling

So I found out my mom was in the hospital the other day but I was trying to stay calm because my dad said it wasn't to serious.  I went through my day the next day at work and just tried to keep my mind off the problem.  Then I saw a number on my phone and there was a voice mail so I checked I checked and was quite shocked at who it was.

It turned out to be my first ex-husband!  Now I really don't talk to him.  Our relationship went pretty much like this last one.  In the end he cheated but he is my daughters biological Father so he left me pregnant with not much to my name.  I have since gotten over the situation since I can't change it.  We have talked before so whatever.  Some how this voice mail seemed different though.  It just said call me at this number.  Well I thought about it and I did. 

When he answered he asked how I was.  I said fine then he said he had been itching so he knew he should call.  What he was talking about is that we got matching tattoos before our wedding but they are in Japanese so they just look like another tattoo.  After the divorce mine would occasionally itch an swell and with out fail every time it did he was up to something.  So I finally told him about it, so I guess he felt his acting up and decided to call.  Weird timing so I told him he was right and explained my mom.

We talked for 2 hours that night and I really let him have it for the things he put me through.  We talked about all kinds of different things.  We talked about my up coming divorce and I yelled a lot about things.  He told me things he had heard years ago and we just had it out and went through a lot of emotions.  At one point he mentioned me being mad at him and still hating him. Well I corrected him.

You see the truth is that I don't care any more.  I forgave him and stopped being mad about the marriage a long time ago.  I explained to him what I was mad about was his choices.  He choice to cheat, to leave, and to not be part of my daughters life.  That made me angry but it was also his problem.  He made those choices and what happened was neither here nor there.  I was long over the cheating and being left behind and my daughter doesn't even want to know his name so it is what it is but he made crappy choices.

We had a grudge match conversation.  We went at each other about all the faults that happened, who's fault it was that things ended, who cheated on who.  You name it we probably covered it.  I even started calling him names by the alphabet.  it was a very intense conversation.  In the end we said good night and talk later.

We talked another 2 hours yesterday.  It was kind of healing talking to him.  We never had a real closer to our marriage.  We lived in different states when the whole thing happened so it never really got resolved.  When he did move back it was more of a competition to prove who had moved on better.  Which I ultimately won that  one so that was satisfying.  We sat another 2 hours going through the same routine as the night before.  This time though I really let him have it.  Let him know what him acting like he did caused.

I wanted him to know.  He went through the routine of supposedly I cheated on him and whatever.  Finally I said your right.  Whoever you think I cheated with your right.  I did from now on who ever you mention that's who I will agree with.  I told him that now he can tell people I did it so he could feel justified about what he did.  Now he could blame me for every thing and the dismantling of our marriage.  This really got to him.  He didn't like it at all.  I simply took his ammunition from him.  That was good too.  It made him have to think about his actions for once.  After I finally just said your right it was my fault.  I gave up everything for you and did everything for you but in the end it was my fault that our family broke down.  I told him make sure he told people this too.  I no longer wanted people to think he had done me wrong.  Once he couldn't really make me mad about it, it kinda forced him to really look at the situation.  We talked a little longer then said goodnight. 

I text him tonight but he really can't talk to me.  I took away all the things he had over me to make me so angry these last 13 years.  The only thing he was left with was the cold truth and that hurt a little.  He always mentions that he knows he screwed up but he always says I had a big part in it and would never really let it go so when I finally said call me what you want and think what you want.  He no longer had control to make me angry of accusing me of random things.  I hope next time we talk that we can have and actual conversation with out dragging things out but who knows.  Only time will tell.  I just hope it doesn't take another 13 years for us to have a civil conversation

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