Why can't I Just Be Not Ok

     So I made a post on Facebook today.  It was about how I feel in my life. I am about to be honest.  I have never felt like I fit in anywhere.  I have never been a fan of myself.  I struggle with mood issues because of these feelings.  I have struggled with getting through the day because I do not even know why I am trying.  I wrote how I have always been the odd one and that it was just hard when you do not feel like you belong anywhere. Now back to the story.

    I made the post about how I am the odd person in all situations and that I just do not feel like I have a place.  That things were difficult and I am just at odds today about this feeling that I had since I can remember.  I ended up getting a call about the post.  They decided to call because they felt offended by my post because they decided to take it personally.  Suddenly a post I made about me and how I don't belong made them unhappy because they could not understand where I was coming from.

                                

     Why can't I just be not  ok.  Why does what I say about my feelings suddenly become about their things.  Why was it that when I feel really bad about something that has gone on in my life for a long time, a person decides this is the best time to tell me that I am making them feel bad and it is offending them that I would say this.  Like yes I control my emotions based on how it might make people feel.  Oh wait!

                                

    All my life I have thought about how what I say or do will trigger people. I always worry that I will get a call about what I say. I keep a lot to myself because I do not want to explain to people why it has nothing to do with them and that they should not be upset because my mental health issues are not their problem.  I mean how am I supposed to process all my feelings if I can never talk about them because other will be offended and it will ruin their whole life and how they view it.

    Sorry about the big feelings today but I was already having a big feelings day and then this just made it worse.

Just A Little Chat

Just wanted to come in and say hi, and I hope you are doing well today.  As we continue to stay in lockdown to kick this virus, I feel it is important that we have a place to chat.  I want to be encouraging in this time.  We are going to make it.

We have been through situations before and as whole world we have made it.  Yes there are people dying I know that, and I am not trying to lesson the tragedy in any way.  I just want us to remember that we have been through rough times as a unit and we will do it again.

The world is one place and while countries may be divided on many things, the one thing we can agree on is we have come through tough times together over and over and we can do it again.  I do not care where you are from, I want to be encouraging to you.

If you need someone to talk to, please reach out.  Comment on this post, on Facebook reach out on my page Your Happiness Ahead, send a message on messenger or post a comment.  Please do not sti alone and be sad.  I will talk it out with you.

We are all in this together.  I do not want anyone to be sitting at home depressed feeling like no one is there.  You are important and I am here.  We will beat lockdown together.

Your New Bundle

Hey guys, I hope today is going well for you.  I was thinking and realized that some of you out there are getting ready to have a baby.  It must be so scary to be thinking about bringing a new life into this crazy time.  I want to assure you it is going to be ok.

The world has faced many crazy times before, we have had to deal with extreme uncertainty many times.  We have faced severe diseases before and while scary, we have made it.  This is not the first global crisis nor will it be our last and that is just a fact.  What we do know is that we have made it each time one has popped up, this will be no exception.

With that said embrace this time.  Enjoy the journey, before you know it that baby will be here and you will be so full of love.  Enjoy every day, you will soon be watching them grow and turn into and amazing little person.

I know you are trying to get items around to be prepared and it can be a little difficult right now so here is a link to a discount on some items you might need or just want.  Enjoy https://amzn.to/2VzFeKq  lets beat this lockdown together, just as long as it is 6 feet apart

We Are All Struggling

I know there are many opinions out there about what is happening.  The truth is we are all being affected by this.  It isn't just a few people it is the whole world.  Rich and poor it doesn't matter it is hitting us all so we need to act accordingly.

I have had to stay off of Facebook other than my business pages because I couldn't take the drama anymore.  I started becoming a very angry person. Over the years I have learned that some times it is better to just not say what I think.  For two days I was not able to contain my mouth.  I was constantly snapping and feeling the need to react to what people were saying.  It was eat5ing me up inside.

The negativity was eating at me.  I now have physical pain from just how angry I was getting.  People were basically bashing people for things out of their control, no empathy could be found and people that are not even in this area were commenting on what was and was not true even though I was part of it and knew what I had seen, they still called me a liar and said I had not idea what I was talking about.  I snapped for sure.

That is not who I want to be.  I want to have peace and positive things in my life.  I do not want the negativity to creep back into my life.  I have been slowly working to make my life and future more positive.

My point here is we are all going through stuff right now but we can choose how we feel and how we behave.  We can not control how others behave but we can control how we react.  If the situation is not taking you in the direction you are seeking then change the situation.  Do not engage in things that do not bring you joy.

Stay happy and healthy and we can do this lockdown together

Graduation Time

So it happened.  My daughter graduated high school on Saturday.  It seems like not so long ago she was starting her first day of Kindergarten.  I cried that day.  I knew she was growing up and it was scary.  I cried on graduation day because she is a grown up, and it is scary.

It is bitter sweet really.  I knew it would come but I was still not prepared for it.  She really does deserve it though.  She worked very hard.  She fought each day to do her hardest.  She has Seizures, ADHD and some other things that really made it a challenge to remember all that she had learned.

Despite  these things she studied and worked hard to get the best grade she could each and everyday.  She is so smart too.  The seizures have robbed her of some memory but none the less she made good grades.  She worked hard and even won a scholarship for college.  She will be going in the fall.

She wants to be a teacher.  She wants to teach kindergarten or preschool.   She says she wants to make a difference by giving children the same start she got.  She loves school and really wants children to want to be there.  We joke about how she finished school, to go to school, so she can work at school.

Even though it has been a tough road she never gave up.  I could not be prouder of her.  I know she will do great things.  I have complete faith that she will make a change in the world.

                                                   

Another Year Ending

So here we are , another year over.  I am having mixed feeling really.  I am truly over this year.  It honestly was one of the crappiest years.  I lost my Mom, My daughter's health got worse and so did mine, my mental health has been shaken, and I got terminated from my job.

See why I am very unimpressed with this year?  The hard part is it means the last year my Princess is a child.  My little girl will turn 18 and then start her Senior year of high school.   That makes me sad and also ramps up my anxiety because that means new problems and I am totally unprepared to be the Mom of an adult who I still have to make all the decisions for because her health prevents her from being capable of doing it.  She is smart, and works hard.  She aspires to become a school teacher.  The problem is her seizures make life hard.  The truth is my adult child will still have days where she will be more like a 5 year old than an 18 year old. 

Totally not her fault and I accept that as her Mom this is absolutely my responsibility.  I have just spent 17.5 years making the decisions because she is a child.  What happens when I try to help and she says no because she really doesn't know what is happening right then or if I am unable to become her guardian so they will only talk to her and she gets too frustrated to make the right decisions?  Being a person with severe anxiety dealing with this has been an extremely difficult task.  I am soooo not ready.

As with the years past it does not matter how prepared or unprepared we are it will come.  It will bring with it whatever it wants and life will continue.  I think of the worst and pray for the best.  There will be no stopping it and all we can do is try to make each day count the best we can.

So as you close out these final days, just enjoy them because life is going to happen.  It will be messy sometimes and other times it will be great.  So my wish for all of you is that, May you have more great days than messy ones.

Thank you for visiting, until next time.

Quality-V-Quantity During the Holidays.

Hey there!!! With Christmas just round the corner I wanted to share something.  Do not forget what the holidays are all about.  Sue it is nice to get a gift from people, but the important part is the time spent.

Especially with kids.  Most of the time people can not remember what they got for Christmas when they were little but what they do remember is the people.  They remember that they always spent time with their loved ones.  That family was there.

Don't have a big family or really any family?  Again it is about quality.  Spend time with your favorite people.  Make the time count with the people that matter the most to you.  That is the big picture here.  For me and my daughter it is time with my parents.  Unfortunately since my Mom passed this year it is a little harder but that means the time with my Dad is even that much more special.

No matter who is there or what you do I sincerely hope you have a blessed and happy Holiday season.

Thanks for visiting talk to you soon.

How the Year began

So in previous posts I said I would explain a lot of other things, so here is the start of that.  This post will be hard so I will tell you how this year started and then I will highlight other events in another post so I can get through this one without losing it completely.

This year started out with my Dad letting me know my Mom had not been feeling well so she decided to go to the hospital.  That was nothing new as my Mom had been in the hospital many times before because she had pneumonia a lot and some times it got bad and she had COPD so she needed help sometime.  I asked him did I need to come and was assured that it was just a normal trip and things would be ok.  This went on for a few weeks and my Dad got the same answer from Dr.s and relayed it to me saying there was nothing serious happening the infections was just pretty bad and she had developed a UTI so it would just be a little longer .

At this point you are probably thinking why would I not have gone and visited my mom in the hospital after he being there for a few weeks.  Well as you may remember my daughter has seizures.  Things have been out of control and the hospital was over an hour drive and I also had to work to support me and my daughter.  I felt bad but my Dad reassured me that my Mom was ok and a couple times I even chatted with her on the phone so that made me feel a little more comfortable in the situation.


One day I get a call from my Dad and he is crying so I panic.  Finally he tells me he got a call and we have to make a decision. I am freaking out because who wants to do that.  So I go get my cousin from work down the road I smoke a million cigarettes (I know not the best idea) while we get my aunt and daughter.  My cousin goes back to work while me, my daughter , and aunt drive two hours to my Dad who is at his house in shock.  More family comes as we talk about what to do.  We decide that me and my Dad and daughter will go in the morning to talk to the Dr and get more information.

That was a complete disaster.  We get told different stories and that we should not have received that call.  Things were not good but they didn't think we were to that point yet.  My Mom was responding to us being there and even gave my Dad a kiss.  We were Pissed to say the least that they put us through that.  Family from out of state was on their way because we thought my Mom was about to die.  We visited with her and everyone and after a few days were assured that they were not convinced she was going to die soon.  We all go home and for two weeks my Dad tells us how things are getting better she is still responding to him and the Dr's are hopeful.  Things feel good.

Then it is February and my Mom's birthday is here and we are excited because she made it another year and things seemed good.  My Dad went to visit her and spent most of the day with her and said she was tired but doing good for her situation.  It was getting late so he told her that he was going back to the hotel room and would be back in the morning.  I had talked to him and her and we planned for us to come visit later because we wanted him to have the weekend with her.  It was about 11:00 pm on February 16, 2017 and I had just crawled into bed.  My phone lit up and it was my Dad, as I answered I grabbed my daughter and started getting out of bed and putting my shoes on.  What happened next has shattered our whole world.

They had called my Dad and said she didn't have much time.  Before I even hung up we were almost in the car and time was not real.  I had to get gas and bought more smoke (again I know, bad idea).  My daughter got a hold of people as I drove for what seemed like forever and got pulled over twice for a broken taillight.  We arrived and the strongest woman I know, the woman who taught me to be strong and be a mom was so weak.  She barely responded but tried to hang on.  We prayed, we brought in a priest for final rights, we told her to hold on, we cried.

On February 17, 2017 at 2:30 AM we had to make the hardest decision we have ever made.  After 69 years on Earth, 38 years of marriage, 38 years of being my Mom, I was the reason they got married :),being my daughters Grandma for 16 years, we had to say goodbye.  It was the worst day of my life.  Her body had shut down, while her brain was working.  It was so unreal.  This year has been so hard.  My Mom was the person I would call when I needed advice.  She would tell me straight, she would never tell me what I wanted to hear, but rather what I needed to hear, good or bad.  It was the end of the world that we knew and the next week following her death was beyond stressful.

This has been long but I promised. So that is how my year started and it is still not getting much better but that is for another post.  I need to get myself back together.  Thank you for reading.  Unitl next time.

Time Flies

So yesterday we had my daughter's 17th birthday party.  It is bittersweet to be honest.  On one hand I am excited to see what amazing things she does in the future, but on the other it is hard to admit that my little baby is 1 year away from being an adult.

When she was born 18 seemed so far away.  Even as the years passed it still seemed like there was plenty of time left for her to be a child.  To be honest even when she turned 16 it still didn't seem that close.  It felt like I still had all the time in the world.  Then this year hit and things took a crazy turn right from the start which I will get to in a later post but then it hit me.  My baby will be in her last year of childhood.

Next year my little princess will legally be an adult.  She will be left to be responsible for her own lief choices.  It is overwhelming. Did I do enough to prepare her for adulthood?  Will she be ready to face the world without me if needed?  It is really hard to accept this for me.

I plan to make this year great and just enjoy it.  I want her to enjoy the last year of childhood as stress free as possible.  I am determined to make sure I also do my best to make sure she feels ready to face her new challenges as they come.  I think as a parent you are never really ready for anything that happens the first time.  In the case of them growing up I feel like no matter how many kids you have it is always emotional when a child grows up.

So with that I congratulate all the parents out there on keeping it together while raising your kids.  To giving them your all and loving them each and everyday.  You Mom and Dad are rock stars.

Thank you for visiting.  Until next time.

Medical ID Bracelet

Before we get started, Yes I did sign up to get an incentive if someone buys one.  It was my choice they did not ask me.  I am working on a few projects that I will be telling you about in future posts so I am trying to earn money.  Why should we listen or buy this item then, is what you might be asking right now.

Well as many of you know my daughter has seizure disorder.  This is a game changer for families who are constantly dealing with medical personnel.  It puts medical information right there and takes away the stress of possibly forgetting something in an emergency situation.  I am in the process of purchasing mine as well.  This way if my daughter ends up at the hospital before I can get there they already have medical information at hand.  That is a huge relief as a parent to know my child will get the correct assistance when needed instead of them guessing until I get there.

She will be 18 next year and going to college the next so this is a God send really.  She can be a little more independent and I can have piece of mind knowing she will have the information she needs to be taken care of.  

I hope you will at least take a look at the product if you have a loved one with medical concerns.  You can buy if you want or not no pressure.  I just wanted to share with other people that could use some peace of mind.  To check it out click the following link http://lddy.no/odq

Thank you for visiting, until next time.

VACATION!!!!

So after not having any real time off to just chill with family or friends we are up north with my Dad. I will talk about this in a later post but in February my Mom passed and spending time with my Dad has become even more important to me.  Life is so precious.

My Daughter also turns 17 on Sunday and I have no idea where the times has gone.  So many things to plan and prepare for over the next year.  As we enjoy our vacation I am reminded of the importance of taking time for yourself.  I know easier said than done.  I rarely take time for myself, heck I don't even get alone time in the bathroom.  Either an animal is pushing its way in ahead of me or my Daughter finds this a good time to talk to me.

We were a little short on funds again this year and my Daughter's health has been all over the place so we did travel south as planned, but being here with my Dad and having time to just be in the moment is soooo worth just not being at home for a week.  I have had a crazy year and so much to do before winter gets here so it is nice to just take a break from dealing with that stuff, all of which I will get to as  I get back into the swing of my blogging.

Well not much else for today.  I just wanted to stick to my word of posting more often.  I will be posting more detailed things later that get you all caught up on what has kept me away.  Until next time.

I'm BACK!!!!!!!!

Hey guys!! I know it has been a long time since I have written.  SOOOO much has happened it is crazy.  I may not post every day to start but I want to get back to doing my blog and reaching out to people.  I have a new Facebook page and lots of thing to share bad and good.  Stay tuned because I am ready for my come back and to start sharing my successes again.  Talk soon.

How I Got Rid Of My Kidney Stone (read till the end)

So as most of you know I have had a couple of kidney stones.  If you know anything about them they are painful and not easy to pass once they are of  larger size.  My first one was 9 mm and required two different surgeries before it finally came out.  After that I thought I was good to go and would just need regular heck ups to make sure I was ok.

This was not the case.  I ended up with a 6 mm stone at the beginning of this year.  I knew before I even went to the hospital what it was.  The pain was horrible.  If you have ever given birth then take labor pains and times it by a minimum of ten.  After going to the hospital I was given pain meds and told to go to my specialist.  By the time I saw him the pain was better so we decided to wait.  Then a week later I went back.  Not in pain I made the choice to wait.  My Dr. told me if I waited much longer I risked damage so surgery was looking like my only option.  I was told I would need another CT scan to see what was happening then we could decide from there.

Well for a couple of reasons I won't waste time explaining I didn't get the CT for another month.  In that time I decided to do some research on naturals ways to get rid of kidney stones.  I read multiple articles and learned of the same basic ingredients people had used with success.  Mind you there were a lot of opinions on how to get rid of them and how much of certain things you should eat or drink.  Some people swore by methods that were illegal as well.  I was not going that route.  I decided to use the ingredients that came up the most but do it my way.


For two weeks before the scan I used my remedy in hopes that it would at least shrink the stone enough they would let me wait to pass it.  After the scan it was almost a month before I saw the Dr.  I went in that day expecting to hear the words surgery.  I am not scared of surgery by any means but as a single parent it is hard to find a ride and set up a person to be with my princess in case of a seizure.

The Dr. came in ad to my surprise said I was fine.  I didn't need to come back for a whole year.  The stone was gone.  As the nurse was leaving she asked if I had passed it because she had never heard of some one passing a stone that big on their own.  I told her I was just as surprised and told her what I had done.  She was very impressed

So here is what you need to get started.  Lemons, pure honey, coconut oil, and organic apple cider vinegar.  I know seems to easy but it really is.  During the day you will make what I call a tea basically.  Get a coffee or tea mug and squeeze a half of lemon into the cup.  Then put in honey I just put in what looked about a teaspoon.  Then add a tablespoon of coconut oil.  Then fill with hot water.  I used my Kurig.  I filled the cup about half full of water put it in the Kurig then did the ingredients and then pushed start.  Drink the whole thing.  Later in the evening you need a large water bottle.  You put a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar in it and fill the rest of the way with water.  It taste bad really I will not lie, but it works.  Do this for 2 weeks.  After that you can do it a couple times a week just to stay flushed out.

Why it works.  Here is what I learned.  The lemon and apple cider vinegar dissolve the stone over time.  The honey act as an antibacterial to keep your tube clean and repair quicker.  Stones have sharp edges that shred the tube as it passes.  This is where the oil helps it lubricates the tube to help the stone slide easier.  So there you have it.  I know this was long but hopefully it can help some one else.

Happy 4th of July

This is just a quick post.  I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July.  I hope you had a great holiday weekend and maybe even got to spend time with family and friends.

I was up north with my parents and daughter.  It is one of my favorite times of the year.  We just forget about what is going on and spend time with each other.  I hope you had that same type of weekend.

Hello

Hey out there.  Sorry it has been awhile but so much has gone on lately.  It is one thing after another around here.  Just when I get one thing done something else seems to pop up.  I know life can be crazy but it is just a hot mess right now.

I have my kidney stone but it is just sitting there and I have had two double ear infections and seriously need looked at and I no longer work.  You may be thinking well go to the Dr. right?  Well that is the next bomb, I was told I make to much money money to get medicaid any longer.  Then I was told I would have to buy y own insurance.

Ok so what money am I supposed to use to do that?  I mean it is not like you get extra money when you get unemployment.  You get less so how is it that when I had a job I was eligible but now I have temporary income and I make to much?  So I am now trying to find insurance which I have always gotten from my employer so I have no idea what I am doing.

In an attempt to get more money I decided to cash out part of my 401K and then put some in my in my IRA to build it up some.  It seemed like a good idea.  I could bump up my checking account and retirement at the same time.  Well something happened and they sent the money to my employer instead but I no longer have an account with them so now I have no idea where my money is.

These are just a few of the things that have been going on.  It has been interesting to say the least.  Hopefully your days are going a little better than mine. :) Next time I hope it will be sooner and I will have something more exciting to talk about.

Just Talking

So things have been a little crazy.  I have my kidney stone and I am trying to avoid surgical removal but my Dr. is starting to push it.  My daughter was very sick over the weekend and then missed three days of school with it being so close to the end.   I am working with her to try to get her grades to where they should be but it is hard when she is sick a lot between migraines, seizures, and regular illness.  Her grades are not that bad all things considered but I know she wants to do better, and I know she absolutely can.

At least I am home right now so that has been extra helpful during this time.  I am really working on ideas to stay home permanently.  I have already researched insurance for individuals so that I know what it will cost each month to insure us on my own.  Now it is time to start putting my skills to use and seeing what  can pull off.  There are plenty of people who have figured out how to make money at home and still pay bills and such.  If they can I am determined to figure it out for myself.

My next post will have some more helpful hints on how to earn some extra money.  I have been doing very well.  I just bought my daughter some more of her medical stuff she needed and didn't pay a cent and her party is pretty much covered other than the actual day of and a hoop skirt for the dress. I have actually never had this much money in my accounts at once other than tax time.  I have been doing my best to save money as much as I can.  I did spend some more money on a couple of my credit cards but it was for a gift and my house, but I have only used them about 3 times in the month and a half that I have been home.

Our journey together is one that will take some time but in the end will be worth it.  If you have any success stories I would love to hear them.

Health Update

So Friday I went to the ER and found out I had another kidney stone.  I had symptoms for a few days but I am bad about getting checked out.  I always put other things ahead of my pain.  I know that I should listen to my body more but I just have things to do so if it isn't too bad I just keep going.  Well on Thursday night my body was really letting me know it had enough and by Friday morning it was telling me it was time to go, so after the water heater repair people finished I went in.

This is the second time I have had one and it is the worst.  It is the only thing I have found that beat childbirth and that is painful enough.  Although when you understand what is happening with a kidney stone you realize it is about the same principle of pushing a watermelon out a hole the size of a pea.  If you have never had to go through either of these there is really no way for you to understand this type of pain.  If you have done one or the other then you know the pain I am talking about.  If you are like me and have done both, well you deserve and award.

They gave me meds to help and decided this time it is small enough that they hope it will pass on its own.  While I am not looking forward to passing it I am hoping it does because I do not want to do surgery again.  The last one I had was so big that even after placing a stint it still would not pass so they had to surgically break it up so it could come out.  That was not fun and I have had lower back pain every morning in that spot since.

I go see the dr. for a check up in the morning and hopefully it will be good news.  I am hoping they tell me it is passing along well and should be out in a few more days.  Unfortunately between the meds and pain there was not enough energy to make posts so I am hoping to get caught back up soon.
Keep up the good work on paying down the debt and building your savings. You are doing great because you are trying.  We are in this together.

Use Your Opinion To Make Money

So getting back to to making some extra money I have some more ways to help you get some extra funds to help with paying bills and adding to your savings account.  Believe me they work.  I have actually cashed out from everything I am telling you about.  I am only going to tell you about ones that I have actually earned money from.  My two other posts have information about ways that I have actually made money.

As a reminder of one of my favorite is InstaGC (https://www.instagc.com/420755).  I was just able to purchase $140.00 worth of birthday decorations for $10 byways are  using the points I earned to get Amazon codes.  I really like this site because you can get cash or gift cards.  I have cashed out money as well but right now i am working on a sweet 16 party so it is going to that.  I do about $1 a day as my goal but there are some people on there that have made $20 a day.  I just want to do other things during the day.

My other ways are surveys.  They can take some time to complete and it does take some dedication but you can make some money.  One that I started in the beginning is Opinion Outpost (opinionoutpost.com).  You can get cash, Amazon codes, and some other things as well.  You take surveys they send to your email and they are worth different point values once you get the amount you need to cash out then you can get the item you want.  This one is also good because you can cash out $10 at a time which is nice because the others you have to earn $25-$50 before cash out.  That means you can have money faster so it is quite helpful.

Another is Survey Savvy (http://www.surveysavvy.com/?m=5766848).  This is hit and miss on getting qualified on the surveys but the reason I like them so much is because you can cash out for $1.  See I am very inpatient about wanting to cash out so this one is nice because I do not have to wait long.  As soon as my account is credited I can send for a check.  I really like that idea.  So this is a good one if you are like me.

Well if you are like me you don't want to read a super long page either so I am going to stop for now.  I will give you some more options to choose from in other posts so you do not get overwhelmed.  We are in this together and I am here to help.  I want to help you get the freedom from debt you are looking for and I am doing it with you.

Sorry I went Missing

I just wanted to say sorry for not posting in so long.  I need to get back to our debt reduction series.  I hope you are doing well and have been able to save some money and pay down some bills.  I have so much to go over that has happened lately.

To start I am working at home. With my daughter's health and her needing me more I have taken the step of being home more often now.  It has been a little challenging getting started but by the grace of God I know I am going to figure this out.  It will get easier as I get more used to the idea.

I am not losing weight like I had hoped and I have been in a lot of pain so I am back to the Dr. next week.  I know I need to get this figured out but I a a little worried about what they are going to say is wrong.  Hopefully it is not something that is going to be drastic to fix.

Well those are the big changes as of right now.  I am still saving and paying bills although my income is not as big right now but I know it will pick up in the future.  I just have to get the hang of what I am doing but a lot of my friends are working from home now so I know I can do it if they can.  I will be back soon.

We are on this journey together and I happy you are here.

The Empty

Most days are ok.  Some days are really good.  Some days honestly suck a whole lot.  I know this is life and everyone good and bad days.  The reality is how every one deals with each.  I do not always have a perky disposition.  I some times feel like the universe is laughing at me.  Most days I can handle the days I have.  Usually it is just a day.  Then there are days like today.

I don't know what it is or really how to explain it to be honest.  There are just days where no matter what I do or do not do I feel like I am wasting the day.  Like I am just burning time until something happens.  I am not sure what it means.  I know I need to get out more and be around other people but sometimes even then I have this feeling so I am not even sure what it is.

I just call it the empty.  It is when my mind and soul has just used up everything I have I guess.  The next day it is gone and I go about my day and deal with what come but on the days the empty is here it is like the world around me has nothing else to offer me.  I stare at the internet and there is nothing I want to look up or know anymore.  I mean really nothing on the internet?  But that is the empty, it is void of anything useful at the time.

Then tomorrow will come and I have stuff to do and the empty will be full and I will not have time to worry about anything else because I will have too much to worry about.

I know this was off topic of what we have been talking about but it was on my mind so I needed to vent it.