Oh Soo Tired

I am so tired right now.  I can not sleep lately.  I went to bed at 3 and was still up by 8am.  Not sure what is going on.  I did however get some stuff done today.  Cleaned up got some laundry done and fixed a very bad extension  cord problem.

I love cooking in a crock pot as a easy way to cook.  Today I learned that I am not a fan of making crock pot fettuccine.  I used a jar of sauce so I thought it should taste pretty good.  It was pretty bland.  We ended up having frozen pizzas.  We gave the noodles to the dogs.  They seemed to like it.  I also think the crock pot is weird.  I have to cook only on low then switch to warm only after a bit or it starts to burn everything like it is overheating.  It is good enough though until I find my good one or go get another one.  I really like the ease of slow cooking and the variety of things that can be cooked.  Do you have a slow cooker recipe that you love to make?  Where did you learn to make it?

My daughter is back from her Dads weekend so I am super happy now.  I really miss her when she is gone.  Plus I miss tons when she is gone.  She is getting so big and before I know it she will be off to college and I will only see her on weekends or whenever she decides to come visit.  I am doing my best to spend time with her under these new circumstances so I don't feel like I missed anything.  I want to know that I made an impact on her life over the years.  I am determined that she will only have good memories to look back on even though her Dad and I didn't end up together forever I want her to go forward happy and healthy and loved.

Quick Hello

So I have been gone for a minute and I apologize for that.  Things have still been a bit crazy around here.  The car is fixed and my Mom had her pacemaker replaced.  My daughter is doing ok but I have not been feeling too awesome and not sure why.  Not much else is happening and I am not really sure what you want me to talk about lately so I took a minute off.  If you have something specific let me know.  I am hoping to be back regularly soon

Busy Times in the Castle

So here we are only about 3 weeks into January and the fun is already starting.  I should start taking random courses in repair of all kinds.  I keep having things break and stuff is wearing out so fast me and my finances cant keep up. The power was out for about 2 hours and I spent all day at a car repair shop but my car is still not fixed. Plus having my Mom go to the hospital didn't make things any better.

So my had something happen and ended up in the ICU which was very scary.  She is home now but I do not know exactly how she is doing.  They keep changing her medications but that only helps for a bit so that was weighing on me a lot. 

We had a really bad snow storm so I missed 2 days of work.  Then after I was able to get there the power steering that I just had fixed stopped working again.  I will not be able to get it fixed for about 3 more days.  After shoveling from the storm for 3 days, it makes it very hard to steer with out power steering.  My fingers keep going numb even when I am not doing anything.

Of course with all the things I am trying to do around the house there is not a lot of time spent doing nothing.  Due to the weather and the fact that my house is so old mice are coming in like crazy to find shelter.  With 4 dogs it is not very peaceful with them searching for every noise they hear.  I know this type of things happens this time of year in old houses but it is driving me crazy and my dogs are over it too.

Then my dryer died.  No clean towels and the thing just went down.  I currently have towels hanging in random places around my house so I can at least shower for work next week.  I took the other one apart but it is really old and I don't want to get hurt taking apart something I shouldn't.  My cousin said I could take hers but first I need to find some one to go get it with since my vehicle is going crazy.

I think maybe it is time to start taking some classes and then maybe I can repair this stuff myself.  I hate not being able to get things done when I want them done.  I do plan on getting some foam calk though and filling in as many spaces as I can in hopes that keeps the mouse problem to a minimum.  If you out there have any suggestions for these situations I am all ears.

An Update Post

So in this post I am just going to give some updates on some stuff that I have talked about before.  I feel that I should from time to time let you know how things are going with some of the things that I have posted in the past.  If ever you want to know how something is going though feel free to ask.  I will gladly tell you how things are going.

So as for the update on my exercise stuff.  Well I have not been being very diligent but I am trying to get better.  I have gotten food for work so I am less tempted to go out to eat for lunch.  I have been trying to stand more than sit at work and some times I just walk behind the line to get some extra activity.  I think I got a small catch up on working out though since I have been shoveling the driveway and pushing my car out of being stuck.

With that an update on our severe weather we had.  Well just as they got everything all cleaned up and people got power back we started getting snow.  Now everyone is snowed in and missing work.  I started at 720 am and just got my truck unstuck at 1.  I have no idea if I will be able to get be able to get there tomorrow either so I am hoping that it will work out or I have to use PTO days to cover it.  The other problem is I am soooo sore and tired from all the work I have already done.  I don't know if I can shovel one more scoop.

Then there is the scoop on my divorce.  It is exactly 2 months from today.  I am kinda nervous I feel unprepared for some reason.  I just want to move on at this point and get going forward with mine and my daughters life.  Things are just to crazy with always having to always worry about what is going on with this stuff.  Once it is final then that is that.  My daughter still does not enjoy going over there but I am working on it either he will give her the attention she needs  or he will learn she is mad and give up on trying to force her.

Then we get to the other divorce info.  So Me and my first ex have test a few time since chatting but that is about it.  We haven't really talked about anything important in those texts though.  Just a few hope you are doing good, I am tired talk later, that type of stuff. I text him back briefly today but that is about it.  At least we had a good chat the other days and I got some stuff off my chest that I had never been able to talk to him about so that was nice.  I guess we will see if there is any future conversation.

Well I am going to go work on shoveling my car out some more and hope I can get to work tomorrow.  I hope you are safe and warm where you are at. Until next time.

When The Ex Comes Calling

So I found out my mom was in the hospital the other day but I was trying to stay calm because my dad said it wasn't to serious.  I went through my day the next day at work and just tried to keep my mind off the problem.  Then I saw a number on my phone and there was a voice mail so I checked I checked and was quite shocked at who it was.

It turned out to be my first ex-husband!  Now I really don't talk to him.  Our relationship went pretty much like this last one.  In the end he cheated but he is my daughters biological Father so he left me pregnant with not much to my name.  I have since gotten over the situation since I can't change it.  We have talked before so whatever.  Some how this voice mail seemed different though.  It just said call me at this number.  Well I thought about it and I did. 

When he answered he asked how I was.  I said fine then he said he had been itching so he knew he should call.  What he was talking about is that we got matching tattoos before our wedding but they are in Japanese so they just look like another tattoo.  After the divorce mine would occasionally itch an swell and with out fail every time it did he was up to something.  So I finally told him about it, so I guess he felt his acting up and decided to call.  Weird timing so I told him he was right and explained my mom.

We talked for 2 hours that night and I really let him have it for the things he put me through.  We talked about all kinds of different things.  We talked about my up coming divorce and I yelled a lot about things.  He told me things he had heard years ago and we just had it out and went through a lot of emotions.  At one point he mentioned me being mad at him and still hating him. Well I corrected him.

You see the truth is that I don't care any more.  I forgave him and stopped being mad about the marriage a long time ago.  I explained to him what I was mad about was his choices.  He choice to cheat, to leave, and to not be part of my daughters life.  That made me angry but it was also his problem.  He made those choices and what happened was neither here nor there.  I was long over the cheating and being left behind and my daughter doesn't even want to know his name so it is what it is but he made crappy choices.

We had a grudge match conversation.  We went at each other about all the faults that happened, who's fault it was that things ended, who cheated on who.  You name it we probably covered it.  I even started calling him names by the alphabet.  it was a very intense conversation.  In the end we said good night and talk later.

We talked another 2 hours yesterday.  It was kind of healing talking to him.  We never had a real closer to our marriage.  We lived in different states when the whole thing happened so it never really got resolved.  When he did move back it was more of a competition to prove who had moved on better.  Which I ultimately won that  one so that was satisfying.  We sat another 2 hours going through the same routine as the night before.  This time though I really let him have it.  Let him know what him acting like he did caused.

I wanted him to know.  He went through the routine of supposedly I cheated on him and whatever.  Finally I said your right.  Whoever you think I cheated with your right.  I did from now on who ever you mention that's who I will agree with.  I told him that now he can tell people I did it so he could feel justified about what he did.  Now he could blame me for every thing and the dismantling of our marriage.  This really got to him.  He didn't like it at all.  I simply took his ammunition from him.  That was good too.  It made him have to think about his actions for once.  After I finally just said your right it was my fault.  I gave up everything for you and did everything for you but in the end it was my fault that our family broke down.  I told him make sure he told people this too.  I no longer wanted people to think he had done me wrong.  Once he couldn't really make me mad about it, it kinda forced him to really look at the situation.  We talked a little longer then said goodnight. 

I text him tonight but he really can't talk to me.  I took away all the things he had over me to make me so angry these last 13 years.  The only thing he was left with was the cold truth and that hurt a little.  He always mentions that he knows he screwed up but he always says I had a big part in it and would never really let it go so when I finally said call me what you want and think what you want.  He no longer had control to make me angry of accusing me of random things.  I hope next time we talk that we can have and actual conversation with out dragging things out but who knows.  Only time will tell.  I just hope it doesn't take another 13 years for us to have a civil conversation

New Year New Day New Ideas

So it is 2014 and I am excited.  I have so many things to get done this year.  I have a million ideas to do my business.  A ton of new ideas for how to make products for my daughters business.  I am determined to make this a great year regardless of how 2013 went, it is over and fresh starts are possible. 

My divorce happens in March and while I am sad I am also relieved.  I no longer have to worry about it.  I can just focus on mine and my daughters futures and make our lives as awesome as possible.  What are you putting behind you this year? Are there reasons you are happy that 2013 is over? 

I know I am going to be really busy this year but it is all going to be good stuff.  I also plan on getting my daughter back into dance so I will have to get ready for all the practices and recitals and maybe competitions if she is still good enough for the dance team.  Then work on business stuff as much as possible.  I have also found a survey company that makes it easier to earn money.  I have only been doing it a couple days now and almost have enough points to cash in for $10.  You only need to earn 100 points for that and there surveys generally pay decent points for each one.  I am using another one that is taking a little longer but still better than when I tried it last time.  So at say $10 a month I could earn a minimum of an extra $120 this year so I can put that toward my $5000 goal or use that specifically for Christmas.  You can turn it in for other stuff that is decent but I am just more interested in the money.

Well I just wanted to drop in with a quick chat tonight.  I go back to work in the morning and I only have about 6.5 hours to sleep.  It is going to be a great year so lets get together and make it fun

No Turning Back

So it is officially 2014.  I just wanted to take a quick second to get in touch.  Make sure you stay positive this year.  Remember what you are working toward and why. Together we will make this our best year yet.  I hope you guys stay safe and I will be back later today to share some more witty banter about life and my day.  I hope you will join me and share with each other.