Feeling Frustrated

So I am working on a lot of new things this year and honestly it is getting overwhelming.  I have tried being positive more each day, but the reality is that some days are hard.  Nothing seems to be going right and no matter how hard you try you just can not turn things around.  I just had so many plans for this year and it isn't going as easy or as well as I planned.

As a matter of fact everything seems to be heading the opposite way of how I thought it would go.  The more I try the farther backwards I seem to go.  I have been home and separated for four years.  It is time for things to start turning around.  I was headed on a good path and then it is like something snapped and now I am spiraling backwards again.

It is rough to really want to get out of your situation but you seem to just keep repeating the same day over and over.  Some times I feel like I am in the living in the movie Ground Hog Day.  I wake up and do the same thing every day.  If I had a stalker it wouldn't be hard for them to track me down since my schedule is always the same.

Most people fear change.  They want to stay in their comfort zone and never have to do anything different but I am ready for change.  I want a lot of change.  I would be happy with just about everything changing.  I want things to improve.  I have so much that is just making me feel down that if even one thing would start turning around then it would give hope to keep pushing.

I really intend to keep working to be positive and be happy with what I do have because I know things can be a lot worse.  I just do not want things to get that bad because I can not turn things around or think in a more positive manner.  

Serious Thinking

I have so much going through my head lately.  I want a change so I have a lot of things to accomplish ahead.  I could lose my job any day so that really puts a spin on the situation,  I need a job that lets me just work and has structure.  If I could afford to work for myself I totally would because it would make things so much better around here.  Sales jobs are just not my thing.  If some one doesn't want to buy something I am not one to really push the issue.

I want so much more for my daughters future so I have a lot of work to so there as well.  She only has 2 years until college.  It may seem like I have time but if you are a parent you know how fast time flies.  I want to give her the sweet 16 she is dreaming of and also give her the choice of whatever college she wants.

I want a better future for myself as well not just sitting on my couch because I am poor or do not feel good half the time.  I want to be able to enjoy life a little.  I think I need to make a check list of things I want to do do so that I can keep up on my goals, then as I check them off it will also help me have a sense of accomplishment.  I think I just want my life to mean something one day.  I am not saying I need to be mega famous but when my daughter talks about me to her grand kids I want it to be positive things.

I know we all feel this way at some point but I want to do something about that feeling.  I want to actually make that feeling go away and turn it into something positive.  I want to look back on my life and be completely at peace when it is time for me to leave this world.

Slightly Rough Day

So as some of you know my daughter suffers from neurological issues.  Most days are ok with a little confusion over small things.  She does her best to go to school as much as possible and tries to be positive as much as she can.  She is always worried about her friends and would do anything to help anyone.  She is my special princess.

Today was not a usual day.  She missed almost the whole school day and finals are in two weeks so that is tough.  She basically had short term memory loss for the whole day.  It was 9 pm and she still thought it was dinner time.  It is a little scary right now but I am still working to stay positive.  I know God is with us during this time,  I just wish that made me feel better about going to sleep.  Tomorrow could be a completely normal day or this could be the beginning of a tough week,

I think it would be easier to handle if I had more answers.  They can't tell me why she has seizures and migraines all the time.  They can't tell me if she will grow out of it or if we even have the right meds yet.  That is the hardest part for me.  I want to know what is going on and how I can help but I don't and I can't.

I want to help my princess but there is nothing I can do to make it better.  I just have to sit back and watch as she suffers and I can't do anything for her.  She depends on me to keep her safe and I can't against this particular situation.

A Positive Spin

So since the beginning of the year I have made an intentional effort to be more positive.  It has been going well and it is making things seem a little easier.  I have even been making a joke about things that are going bad and not letting them get to me as much.  I know it is only 5 days into the new year but I can see the affects already.  I notice my days are a lot easier and it is not as rough to go to work.  Things are easier to deal with even when it is a rough topic.

I am determined to keep this going all year.  No matter what happens I want to keep a positive attitude.  I am seeking God more in my life and actively seeking the good things that are going on.  I am not letting people get to me with negative thoughts or comments.  It is all in how you look at the world.  I want to see it as a good place.  I want my daughter to go into the world and create a positive space and I can't expect her to see the positive if I don't myself

We owe it to ourselves to have the best life we can,  There is no way to achieve that if we are constantly going around looking at the negative around us.  If we create peace and Joy around us then it will spread, It will infect others and help make the world a better place around us.

Stay true to yourself.  Find your own beauty and dance to your own music.

Getting Going

So I am trying to start the new year by getting my life and home in order.  The hard part is doing it with chronic pain and chronic fatigue.  The problem is you get motivated to get things done but have no energy to do it.  Your body and mind are exhausted but you attempt things any way and that only leads to more pain and exhaustion.

I really do try to keep going and get stuff done. I do not want my daughter to think I am lazy and that it is ok not to get stuff done but then I suffer later and can not do stuff that I want to do with her, further complicated by her seizures and chronic issues we are stuck in a cycle.  I want her to know that it is ok to live but showing her is a little harder than that.

This year I am claiming it is going to be a better year.  I am believing it.  I am going to attempt the gym more and go to church more often.  I want my daughter to know it is ok to be tired but you can not give up.  I am pushing through this year to show her there is more to life than the computer and couch.

I hope you are having a blessed day and enjoying the first day of 2016.

Happy New Year

I just wanted to take a moment to say Happy New Year!  I am looking to this year with a positive attitude and plan to make some personal changes.  I am very excited to see what this year holds.  Last year was rough and I suspect that this year will have its moments.  I also suspect it will be easier to deal with if I choose to have a different perspective this year also.

So with that I hope you have a great year.  I hope you are blessed more than you can imagine and I hope to continue to connect with you more this year.  Thank you for reading.