Just wanted to come in and say hi, and I hope you are doing well today. As we continue to stay in lockdown to kick this virus, I feel it is important that we have a place to chat. I want to be encouraging in this time. We are going to make it.
We have been through situations before and as whole world we have made it. Yes there are people dying I know that, and I am not trying to lesson the tragedy in any way. I just want us to remember that we have been through rough times as a unit and we will do it again.
The world is one place and while countries may be divided on many things, the one thing we can agree on is we have come through tough times together over and over and we can do it again. I do not care where you are from, I want to be encouraging to you.
If you need someone to talk to, please reach out. Comment on this post, on Facebook reach out on my page Your Happiness Ahead, send a message on messenger or post a comment. Please do not sti alone and be sad. I will talk it out with you.
We are all in this together. I do not want anyone to be sitting at home depressed feeling like no one is there. You are important and I am here. We will beat lockdown together.
About Me
- The Natorette
- Lansing, Michigan, United States
- I am a Mother, a mentor, a business owner, an employee. I am a person I have a busy life and would like to help others deal with their busy lives.
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Sunday, April 19, 2020
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Your New Bundle
Hey guys, I hope today is going well for you. I was thinking and realized that some of you out there are getting ready to have a baby. It must be so scary to be thinking about bringing a new life into this crazy time. I want to assure you it is going to be ok.
The world has faced many crazy times before, we have had to deal with extreme uncertainty many times. We have faced severe diseases before and while scary, we have made it. This is not the first global crisis nor will it be our last and that is just a fact. What we do know is that we have made it each time one has popped up, this will be no exception.
With that said embrace this time. Enjoy the journey, before you know it that baby will be here and you will be so full of love. Enjoy every day, you will soon be watching them grow and turn into and amazing little person.
I know you are trying to get items around to be prepared and it can be a little difficult right now so here is a link to a discount on some items you might need or just want. Enjoy https://amzn.to/2VzFeKq lets beat this lockdown together, just as long as it is 6 feet apart
The world has faced many crazy times before, we have had to deal with extreme uncertainty many times. We have faced severe diseases before and while scary, we have made it. This is not the first global crisis nor will it be our last and that is just a fact. What we do know is that we have made it each time one has popped up, this will be no exception.
I know you are trying to get items around to be prepared and it can be a little difficult right now so here is a link to a discount on some items you might need or just want. Enjoy https://amzn.to/2VzFeKq lets beat this lockdown together, just as long as it is 6 feet apart
Saturday, October 14, 2017
How the Year began
So in previous posts I said I would explain a lot of other things, so here is the start of that. This post will be hard so I will tell you how this year started and then I will highlight other events in another post so I can get through this one without losing it completely.
This year started out with my Dad letting me know my Mom had not been feeling well so she decided to go to the hospital. That was nothing new as my Mom had been in the hospital many times before because she had pneumonia a lot and some times it got bad and she had COPD so she needed help sometime. I asked him did I need to come and was assured that it was just a normal trip and things would be ok. This went on for a few weeks and my Dad got the same answer from Dr.s and relayed it to me saying there was nothing serious happening the infections was just pretty bad and she had developed a UTI so it would just be a little longer .
At this point you are probably thinking why would I not have gone and visited my mom in the hospital after he being there for a few weeks. Well as you may remember my daughter has seizures. Things have been out of control and the hospital was over an hour drive and I also had to work to support me and my daughter. I felt bad but my Dad reassured me that my Mom was ok and a couple times I even chatted with her on the phone so that made me feel a little more comfortable in the situation.
One day I get a call from my Dad and he is crying so I panic. Finally he tells me he got a call and we have to make a decision. I am freaking out because who wants to do that. So I go get my cousin from work down the road I smoke a million cigarettes (I know not the best idea) while we get my aunt and daughter. My cousin goes back to work while me, my daughter , and aunt drive two hours to my Dad who is at his house in shock. More family comes as we talk about what to do. We decide that me and my Dad and daughter will go in the morning to talk to the Dr and get more information.
That was a complete disaster. We get told different stories and that we should not have received that call. Things were not good but they didn't think we were to that point yet. My Mom was responding to us being there and even gave my Dad a kiss. We were Pissed to say the least that they put us through that. Family from out of state was on their way because we thought my Mom was about to die. We visited with her and everyone and after a few days were assured that they were not convinced she was going to die soon. We all go home and for two weeks my Dad tells us how things are getting better she is still responding to him and the Dr's are hopeful. Things feel good.
Then it is February and my Mom's birthday is here and we are excited because she made it another year and things seemed good. My Dad went to visit her and spent most of the day with her and said she was tired but doing good for her situation. It was getting late so he told her that he was going back to the hotel room and would be back in the morning. I had talked to him and her and we planned for us to come visit later because we wanted him to have the weekend with her. It was about 11:00 pm on February 16, 2017 and I had just crawled into bed. My phone lit up and it was my Dad, as I answered I grabbed my daughter and started getting out of bed and putting my shoes on. What happened next has shattered our whole world.
They had called my Dad and said she didn't have much time. Before I even hung up we were almost in the car and time was not real. I had to get gas and bought more smoke (again I know, bad idea). My daughter got a hold of people as I drove for what seemed like forever and got pulled over twice for a broken taillight. We arrived and the strongest woman I know, the woman who taught me to be strong and be a mom was so weak. She barely responded but tried to hang on. We prayed, we brought in a priest for final rights, we told her to hold on, we cried.
On February 17, 2017 at 2:30 AM we had to make the hardest decision we have ever made. After 69 years on Earth, 38 years of marriage, 38 years of being my Mom, I was the reason they got married :),being my daughters Grandma for 16 years, we had to say goodbye. It was the worst day of my life. Her body had shut down, while her brain was working. It was so unreal. This year has been so hard. My Mom was the person I would call when I needed advice. She would tell me straight, she would never tell me what I wanted to hear, but rather what I needed to hear, good or bad. It was the end of the world that we knew and the next week following her death was beyond stressful.
This has been long but I promised. So that is how my year started and it is still not getting much better but that is for another post. I need to get myself back together. Thank you for reading. Unitl next time.
This year started out with my Dad letting me know my Mom had not been feeling well so she decided to go to the hospital. That was nothing new as my Mom had been in the hospital many times before because she had pneumonia a lot and some times it got bad and she had COPD so she needed help sometime. I asked him did I need to come and was assured that it was just a normal trip and things would be ok. This went on for a few weeks and my Dad got the same answer from Dr.s and relayed it to me saying there was nothing serious happening the infections was just pretty bad and she had developed a UTI so it would just be a little longer .At this point you are probably thinking why would I not have gone and visited my mom in the hospital after he being there for a few weeks. Well as you may remember my daughter has seizures. Things have been out of control and the hospital was over an hour drive and I also had to work to support me and my daughter. I felt bad but my Dad reassured me that my Mom was ok and a couple times I even chatted with her on the phone so that made me feel a little more comfortable in the situation.
One day I get a call from my Dad and he is crying so I panic. Finally he tells me he got a call and we have to make a decision. I am freaking out because who wants to do that. So I go get my cousin from work down the road I smoke a million cigarettes (I know not the best idea) while we get my aunt and daughter. My cousin goes back to work while me, my daughter , and aunt drive two hours to my Dad who is at his house in shock. More family comes as we talk about what to do. We decide that me and my Dad and daughter will go in the morning to talk to the Dr and get more information.
Then it is February and my Mom's birthday is here and we are excited because she made it another year and things seemed good. My Dad went to visit her and spent most of the day with her and said she was tired but doing good for her situation. It was getting late so he told her that he was going back to the hotel room and would be back in the morning. I had talked to him and her and we planned for us to come visit later because we wanted him to have the weekend with her. It was about 11:00 pm on February 16, 2017 and I had just crawled into bed. My phone lit up and it was my Dad, as I answered I grabbed my daughter and started getting out of bed and putting my shoes on. What happened next has shattered our whole world.
They had called my Dad and said she didn't have much time. Before I even hung up we were almost in the car and time was not real. I had to get gas and bought more smoke (again I know, bad idea). My daughter got a hold of people as I drove for what seemed like forever and got pulled over twice for a broken taillight. We arrived and the strongest woman I know, the woman who taught me to be strong and be a mom was so weak. She barely responded but tried to hang on. We prayed, we brought in a priest for final rights, we told her to hold on, we cried.
On February 17, 2017 at 2:30 AM we had to make the hardest decision we have ever made. After 69 years on Earth, 38 years of marriage, 38 years of being my Mom, I was the reason they got married :),being my daughters Grandma for 16 years, we had to say goodbye. It was the worst day of my life. Her body had shut down, while her brain was working. It was so unreal. This year has been so hard. My Mom was the person I would call when I needed advice. She would tell me straight, she would never tell me what I wanted to hear, but rather what I needed to hear, good or bad. It was the end of the world that we knew and the next week following her death was beyond stressful.
This has been long but I promised. So that is how my year started and it is still not getting much better but that is for another post. I need to get myself back together. Thank you for reading. Unitl next time.
Sunday, August 27, 2017
Time Flies
So yesterday we had my daughter's 17th birthday party. It is bittersweet to be honest. On one hand I am excited to see what amazing things she does in the future, but on the other it is hard to admit that my little baby is 1 year away from being an adult.
When she was born 18 seemed so far away. Even as the years passed it still seemed like there was plenty of time left for her to be a child. To be honest even when she turned 16 it still didn't seem that close. It felt like I still had all the time in the world. Then this year hit and things took a crazy turn right from the start which I will get to in a later post but then it hit me. My baby will be in her last year of childhood.
Next year my little princess will legally be an adult. She will be left to be responsible for her own lief choices. It is overwhelming. Did I do enough to prepare her for adulthood? Will she be ready to face the world without me if needed? It is really hard to accept this for me.
I plan to make this year great and just enjoy it. I want her to enjoy the last year of childhood as stress free as possible. I am determined to make sure I also do my best to make sure she feels ready to face her new challenges as they come. I think as a parent you are never really ready for anything that happens the first time. In the case of them growing up I feel like no matter how many kids you have it is always emotional when a child grows up.
So with that I congratulate all the parents out there on keeping it together while raising your kids. To giving them your all and loving them each and everyday. You Mom and Dad are rock stars.
Thank you for visiting. Until next time.
When she was born 18 seemed so far away. Even as the years passed it still seemed like there was plenty of time left for her to be a child. To be honest even when she turned 16 it still didn't seem that close. It felt like I still had all the time in the world. Then this year hit and things took a crazy turn right from the start which I will get to in a later post but then it hit me. My baby will be in her last year of childhood.
Next year my little princess will legally be an adult. She will be left to be responsible for her own lief choices. It is overwhelming. Did I do enough to prepare her for adulthood? Will she be ready to face the world without me if needed? It is really hard to accept this for me.I plan to make this year great and just enjoy it. I want her to enjoy the last year of childhood as stress free as possible. I am determined to make sure I also do my best to make sure she feels ready to face her new challenges as they come. I think as a parent you are never really ready for anything that happens the first time. In the case of them growing up I feel like no matter how many kids you have it is always emotional when a child grows up.
So with that I congratulate all the parents out there on keeping it together while raising your kids. To giving them your all and loving them each and everyday. You Mom and Dad are rock stars.
Thank you for visiting. Until next time.
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Make a Commitment To Pay
Now that you have seen the number it is time to start tackling what you can pay. I know that having no extra money makes this part tough but you CAN do it. I know because I am doing it right now. You have to decide right now what you are going to commit to. I do not care if it is $1, $5 or $50. Right now you are making a decision about how much extra you are going to pay to a bill each week. Yes I said each week. It can be done and in future posts I will tell you how you can make extra money easily to put toward this.
Right now I just want you to make the commitment. I personally chose $20. It is a high number but it is what I chose. Each week I pay $20 to the bill that needs to be worked on tight then. This is not extra to every bill you are just committing to pay this amount to one bill so that makes it more achievable.
That is it for today. I want you to look at what you can do. Again if it is only $1.00 then that is where you start. You may have to even buy one less pop during the week but you got this. I make less than $18000 a year and I have picked $20 so I know you have $1 some where.
I happy to be on this journey with you and sharing what I have learned. I know we can do this together. You got this!
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Feeling Frustrated
So I am working on a lot of new things this year and honestly it is getting overwhelming. I have tried being positive more each day, but the reality is that some days are hard. Nothing seems to be going right and no matter how hard you try you just can not turn things around. I just had so many plans for this year and it isn't going as easy or as well as I planned.
As a matter of fact everything seems to be heading the opposite way of how I thought it would go. The more I try the farther backwards I seem to go. I have been home and separated for four years. It is time for things to start turning around. I was headed on a good path and then it is like something snapped and now I am spiraling backwards again.
It is rough to really want to get out of your situation but you seem to just keep repeating the same day over and over. Some times I feel like I am in the living in the movie Ground Hog Day. I wake up and do the same thing every day. If I had a stalker it wouldn't be hard for them to track me down since my schedule is always the same.
Most people fear change. They want to stay in their comfort zone and never have to do anything different but I am ready for change. I want a lot of change. I would be happy with just about everything changing. I want things to improve. I have so much that is just making me feel down that if even one thing would start turning around then it would give hope to keep pushing.
I really intend to keep working to be positive and be happy with what I do have because I know things can be a lot worse. I just do not want things to get that bad because I can not turn things around or think in a more positive manner.
As a matter of fact everything seems to be heading the opposite way of how I thought it would go. The more I try the farther backwards I seem to go. I have been home and separated for four years. It is time for things to start turning around. I was headed on a good path and then it is like something snapped and now I am spiraling backwards again.
It is rough to really want to get out of your situation but you seem to just keep repeating the same day over and over. Some times I feel like I am in the living in the movie Ground Hog Day. I wake up and do the same thing every day. If I had a stalker it wouldn't be hard for them to track me down since my schedule is always the same.
Most people fear change. They want to stay in their comfort zone and never have to do anything different but I am ready for change. I want a lot of change. I would be happy with just about everything changing. I want things to improve. I have so much that is just making me feel down that if even one thing would start turning around then it would give hope to keep pushing.
I really intend to keep working to be positive and be happy with what I do have because I know things can be a lot worse. I just do not want things to get that bad because I can not turn things around or think in a more positive manner.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Slightly Rough Day
So as some of you know my daughter suffers from neurological issues. Most days are ok with a little confusion over small things. She does her best to go to school as much as possible and tries to be positive as much as she can. She is always worried about her friends and would do anything to help anyone. She is my special princess.
Today was not a usual day. She missed almost the whole school day and finals are in two weeks so that is tough. She basically had short term memory loss for the whole day. It was 9 pm and she still thought it was dinner time. It is a little scary right now but I am still working to stay positive. I know God is with us during this time, I just wish that made me feel better about going to sleep. Tomorrow could be a completely normal day or this could be the beginning of a tough week,
I think it would be easier to handle if I had more answers. They can't tell me why she has seizures and migraines all the time. They can't tell me if she will grow out of it or if we even have the right meds yet. That is the hardest part for me. I want to know what is going on and how I can help but I don't and I can't.
I want to help my princess but there is nothing I can do to make it better. I just have to sit back and watch as she suffers and I can't do anything for her. She depends on me to keep her safe and I can't against this particular situation.
Today was not a usual day. She missed almost the whole school day and finals are in two weeks so that is tough. She basically had short term memory loss for the whole day. It was 9 pm and she still thought it was dinner time. It is a little scary right now but I am still working to stay positive. I know God is with us during this time, I just wish that made me feel better about going to sleep. Tomorrow could be a completely normal day or this could be the beginning of a tough week,
I think it would be easier to handle if I had more answers. They can't tell me why she has seizures and migraines all the time. They can't tell me if she will grow out of it or if we even have the right meds yet. That is the hardest part for me. I want to know what is going on and how I can help but I don't and I can't.
I want to help my princess but there is nothing I can do to make it better. I just have to sit back and watch as she suffers and I can't do anything for her. She depends on me to keep her safe and I can't against this particular situation.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Holding On By a Thread
Lately it has been one mess after another it seems like. This has been an extremely challenging year. There was my daughter and all the sinecures she was having. Her health was beginning to decline and I was scared that she may not make it through the year. It was an extremely hard point in life.
Then there was the baby. It is still haunting me almost every day. I always think about it and how things would be different if I was still pregnant. I know things happen for a reason but it doesn't make the situation hurt any less. My uncle that past away in June would have had his birthday yesterday. We decided to have a small family dinner in his honor. My cousin had his new baby there and I couldn't even look at it or go int the same room. It was horrible.
People who I thought were my friends have basically cut me off and no longer really even acknowledge me because they feel I don't have time for them and such. I guess that isn't too bad considering they have not taken me and my daughter into consideration and feel like we should worry about them more even though my life has been a mess.
The topper is now I am on the verge of losing my job. I do not make enough really as it is and now I might lose the only income I really have. I already owe like everyone a ton of money so losing my job is not really feasible. I have no control over it though at this point which makes it tough. They will either keep me or they won't.
So This year has not been one of my favorites. It has been one of the most trying, yet here I am still. I have no idea why I am here or what my purpose is but I am here. I will still take each day as it comes but what my reason is right now I do not know
Then there was the baby. It is still haunting me almost every day. I always think about it and how things would be different if I was still pregnant. I know things happen for a reason but it doesn't make the situation hurt any less. My uncle that past away in June would have had his birthday yesterday. We decided to have a small family dinner in his honor. My cousin had his new baby there and I couldn't even look at it or go int the same room. It was horrible.
People who I thought were my friends have basically cut me off and no longer really even acknowledge me because they feel I don't have time for them and such. I guess that isn't too bad considering they have not taken me and my daughter into consideration and feel like we should worry about them more even though my life has been a mess.
The topper is now I am on the verge of losing my job. I do not make enough really as it is and now I might lose the only income I really have. I already owe like everyone a ton of money so losing my job is not really feasible. I have no control over it though at this point which makes it tough. They will either keep me or they won't.
So This year has not been one of my favorites. It has been one of the most trying, yet here I am still. I have no idea why I am here or what my purpose is but I am here. I will still take each day as it comes but what my reason is right now I do not know
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Kids Growing UP
So the girl is in her freshman year of high school. It has not started out so well but I know she has to grow up a little some time. It is hard but I am trying my best. This week she has her first homecoming dance. Now she has been to other dances but nothing so important like this. This is a big first step.
She originally even had a date to go but unfortunately he can't go now for what ever reason. Honestly I am ok with that to tell the truth. I was not ready for her to have a date too. She seems to be ok and says she is going no matter what. I am proud of her for stepping out of her comfort zone as well. This is something that before she would not have been so willing to do. All the other dances I had to be a chaperon so she would go. This time she was the one who made the decision and knows I won't be there but she can call me if she needs me and I will be right there.
I think that is an important factor in her feeling confident in this new journey. I have made sure she knows that no matter what she can count on me, I always tell her even if it is something that might make me mad she can always call me for help. I tell her I might be mad but we can talk about it and I would rather her tell me the truth then lie and end up in danger. She knows that even if she wants to date or drinks at a party she can talk to me and we will get through whatever together. I want her to know that I am there. Even if she makes a bad choice I would rather her come to me for help than get hurt.
She originally even had a date to go but unfortunately he can't go now for what ever reason. Honestly I am ok with that to tell the truth. I was not ready for her to have a date too. She seems to be ok and says she is going no matter what. I am proud of her for stepping out of her comfort zone as well. This is something that before she would not have been so willing to do. All the other dances I had to be a chaperon so she would go. This time she was the one who made the decision and knows I won't be there but she can call me if she needs me and I will be right there.
I think that is an important factor in her feeling confident in this new journey. I have made sure she knows that no matter what she can count on me, I always tell her even if it is something that might make me mad she can always call me for help. I tell her I might be mad but we can talk about it and I would rather her tell me the truth then lie and end up in danger. She knows that even if she wants to date or drinks at a party she can talk to me and we will get through whatever together. I want her to know that I am there. Even if she makes a bad choice I would rather her come to me for help than get hurt.
Friday, September 4, 2015
Not Feeling The Love
My body is out to get me at this point. Everything is hurting and a lot of problems are popping up. Sadly some of them are untreatable while pregnant so if it is positive I have them then I am really not sure what is going to happen. My body will shut down slowly as the baby drains every bit of energy I have left from fighting so hard. This is very dangerous for me, not to mention my daughter here since she does have seizures. The other option is to treat things so I am better but then I risk the baby.
I am so at odds here really. I mean I have my daughter and myself to think about but how do you say that one life is more important than the other. It is a very confusing situation really. Then they say oh but it could be nothing too. Although let us run all these other tests because we really have no idea.
It is very scary to be honest. I want us all to be healthy but I have no idea what is going on and I am very concerned with the situation. I have no idea how to handle this really. I am not prepared to have to make any major choices. This pregnancy has been crazy enough with out adding more stress. I really am so at odds with this whole thing.
I am just going day by day. Trying to stay positive about the outcome. I am sure things will be ok . It is just hard not knowing what is happening, all the while being in pain all the time.
I am so at odds here really. I mean I have my daughter and myself to think about but how do you say that one life is more important than the other. It is a very confusing situation really. Then they say oh but it could be nothing too. Although let us run all these other tests because we really have no idea.
It is very scary to be honest. I want us all to be healthy but I have no idea what is going on and I am very concerned with the situation. I have no idea how to handle this really. I am not prepared to have to make any major choices. This pregnancy has been crazy enough with out adding more stress. I really am so at odds with this whole thing.
I am just going day by day. Trying to stay positive about the outcome. I am sure things will be ok . It is just hard not knowing what is happening, all the while being in pain all the time.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Another Day of Testing
So as we have been discussing pregnancy in honest detail today took a crazy turn. They still do not have answers for me about the extra stuff that is going on. I feel awful all the time. This is not all sparkles and rainbows at all. The testing sucks a whole lot. Blood draws and urine tests then they were pushing on my ovaries which are what started the testing that found the baby. I wanted to crawl off the exam table.
Then I have to make amends with the fact that this pregnancy might not last any way due to other factors and health reasons. That was weird to hear really. I am older and things get more complicated and then there is the fact of health and everything that I am already prone to issues with.
I have only known for about a week now so it really hasn't affected me either way to be completely honest. The dad has said he will be supportive no matter what happens. He is by my side figuratively speaking as much as I need him. He has been great for an ear everyday so that has been nice. My daughter's father made me as miserable as possible during my whole pregnancy. Having some one to just listen to my frustration is more helpful than you can imagine.
For some this all might be too honest. I think it is only fair that we can really discuss the reality of the situation. Not all pregnancies are the same. Not everyone has the same support system that is super supportive and there every second. Not everyone has the easiest most pleasant experience either. I apologize if it is too honest but I think it is fair to everyone to get all the details in an honest fashion.
Then I have to make amends with the fact that this pregnancy might not last any way due to other factors and health reasons. That was weird to hear really. I am older and things get more complicated and then there is the fact of health and everything that I am already prone to issues with.
I have only known for about a week now so it really hasn't affected me either way to be completely honest. The dad has said he will be supportive no matter what happens. He is by my side figuratively speaking as much as I need him. He has been great for an ear everyday so that has been nice. My daughter's father made me as miserable as possible during my whole pregnancy. Having some one to just listen to my frustration is more helpful than you can imagine.
For some this all might be too honest. I think it is only fair that we can really discuss the reality of the situation. Not all pregnancies are the same. Not everyone has the same support system that is super supportive and there every second. Not everyone has the easiest most pleasant experience either. I apologize if it is too honest but I think it is fair to everyone to get all the details in an honest fashion.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
And It Just Keeps Coming
I have decided to focus on real talk about this pregnancy. People are always talking about how great it is to be pregnant. Well some times it is not and I think we should be able to talk about those things too.
So as much trouble as I am already having with this whole pregnancy thing, now I found out that all the medical stuff that was tested when this was discovered was messed up. They contradicted each other and now I have no idea what else is wrong with me.
I have come to understand that I may not even stay pregnant. I may have to give up the idea due to, too many other complications going on. I have to make choices based on the facts and since I already have a child here that I need to take care of. She has medical things that require extra attention.
I have so many emotions right now. Confusion is the biggest. I am not really attached but I feel guilty about choices being made. I worry about my daughter but she seems to not be fully interested either so I probably don't have to worry about her but I do. I have talked to the father and he says he will still be there emotionally for me no matter what happens. That is helpful at least, even if that is all he can offer right now I will take.
My body is having so many problems it is unreal. I am not quite 4 months but I already feel like I am due now. I am miserable and if I go to term I will be in so much pain it will be unreal.
So as much trouble as I am already having with this whole pregnancy thing, now I found out that all the medical stuff that was tested when this was discovered was messed up. They contradicted each other and now I have no idea what else is wrong with me.
I have come to understand that I may not even stay pregnant. I may have to give up the idea due to, too many other complications going on. I have to make choices based on the facts and since I already have a child here that I need to take care of. She has medical things that require extra attention.
I have so many emotions right now. Confusion is the biggest. I am not really attached but I feel guilty about choices being made. I worry about my daughter but she seems to not be fully interested either so I probably don't have to worry about her but I do. I have talked to the father and he says he will still be there emotionally for me no matter what happens. That is helpful at least, even if that is all he can offer right now I will take.
My body is having so many problems it is unreal. I am not quite 4 months but I already feel like I am due now. I am miserable and if I go to term I will be in so much pain it will be unreal.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Feelings Are In
So now that I have officially announced that I am pregnant I am having backwards emotions. I am feeling overwhelmed. I am not feeling the attachment I thought I would. I am more scared than anything. I so worried about what is going to be affected and if I am going to regret this.
I am going to be a single mom again. I worry that my daughter is going to regret the new baby. What if I can't take care of the new one. I am so freaking out to tell the truth. I really have no anything right now. I know this sounds harsh but as parents we should be able to express our real feelings. Not ever pregnancy is rainbows and sprinkles.
They can be very scary and draining. Things can go wrong or like me you may have no clue that this is still possible so it is total shock. Why do we have to pretend that it is all wonderful if that is not how we feel. People keep saying that I will be more into it when it gets closer. Well what if I am not? This is a real concern of mine, What if my older daughter doesn't connect with it.
There are just so many things running in my brain. Doing it alone is much harder than the first time. I thought I would be ok but the truth is I am petrified and that is my reality.
They can be very scary and draining. Things can go wrong or like me you may have no clue that this is still possible so it is total shock. Why do we have to pretend that it is all wonderful if that is not how we feel. People keep saying that I will be more into it when it gets closer. Well what if I am not? This is a real concern of mine, What if my older daughter doesn't connect with it.
There are just so many things running in my brain. Doing it alone is much harder than the first time. I thought I would be ok but the truth is I am petrified and that is my reality.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)