About Me

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Lansing, Michigan, United States
I am a Mother, a mentor, a business owner, an employee. I am a person I have a busy life and would like to help others deal with their busy lives.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

Just a Little Chat

So the holidays are upon us.  For me that means shopping for my daughter, parents and a few friends.  It is a time to just be with family and enjoy,  we can start to look forward to the next year as well.  It is a fun time of year.

Some people get all stressed out and are so caught up in the shopping they miss out on the joy of the season.  I like just slowing down and enjoying what is going on in my life.  My daughter gets so excited about Christmas still which is nice to see at her age.  We take time to pick out the gifts for everyone together.  She is very particular about what she wants to get people.  We help buy gifts for a needy child each year and she likes picking stuff out for them.  I think she would spend every last dollar I have on them if I would let her.  I feel blessed to have raised such a caring child.

As we get closer I want to slow down even more and enjoy the time.  It seems like each year it goes faster and faster, before I know it she will be 18 and graduating high school and off to college.  I want to enjoy every last second I can.  Even though this year has been so rough, when I stop to think there is still so much to be thankful for.

So as the holidays roll through take take the time to enjoy the people around you.  Slow down and just take it all in.  It is going to go by no matter what so why not just enjoy it.  You will not get time to do it again.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Need a Nap

I am soooo exhausted lately.  I have no energy and I just want to sleep all the time.  I know I should go work out or something so I would have more energy but I just want to sleep.  It is horrible because no mater how much or little I sleep I have no energy.

I have asked the doctors and they have no answer.  Now that I am not pregnant that is not a reason but they can not give me a better one.  I just want to be able to make my to do list and then actually be able to do it.  I have basically sat on my couch all day today wishing it was bed time.

Hopefully tomorrow I will have the energy to be able to get some stuff done.  I have a ton of stuff that I need to get done at my house and my other house too.  My daughter will be at her dad's house so there will be no distraction as far as making sure she doesn't have a seizure and that sort of thing I can just get to work and do my stuff so hopefully I can make it.

I have been avoiding going to my dr. because he doesn't know I am not pregnant anymore and I really do not want to have to talk about it, but I really need to get some answers.  I do not want to be the person who is trapped in their home because they can no longer function properly or because I have to be on so many medications that I feel like a zombie any way.

Here is to having a good day tomorrow.  I am going to think positive and just plan on a good day so hopefully I will pump myself up a little and make it happen.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Holding On By a Thread

Lately it has been one mess after another it seems like.  This has been an extremely challenging year.  There was my daughter and all the sinecures she was having.  Her health was beginning   to decline and I was scared that she may not make it through the year.  It was an extremely hard point in life.

Then there was the baby.  It is still haunting me almost every day.  I always think about it and how things would be different if I was still pregnant.  I know things happen for a reason but it doesn't make the situation hurt any less. My uncle that past away in June would have had his birthday yesterday.  We decided to have a small family dinner in his honor.  My cousin had his new baby there and I couldn't even look at it or go int the same room.  It was horrible.

People who I thought were my friends have basically cut me off and no longer really even acknowledge me because they feel I don't have time for them and such.  I guess that isn't too bad considering they have not taken me and my daughter into consideration and feel like we should worry about them more even though my life has been a mess.

The topper is now I am on the verge of losing my job.  I do not make enough really as it is and now I might lose the only income I really have. I already owe like everyone a ton of money so losing my job is not really feasible. I have no control over it though at this point which makes it tough.  They will either keep me or they won't.

So This year has not been one of my favorites.  It has been one of the most trying, yet here I am still.  I have no idea why I am here or what my purpose is but I am here.  I will still take each day as it comes but what my reason is right now I do not know

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Getting on With Your Life After Loss

So it has been more than a month since my loss.  I have good days and bad days.  Some things are a little more emotional than others.  My cousin had a baby the other day and day and my friend is about to have one any day now.  Don't get me wrong I am very happy for both of them.  I wish them nothing but the best.  It doesn't make it any less hurtful in my situation.

There are thing every where that are reminders.  Even reading the ads is hard when they are having the baby sales.  Seeing everyone out with there babies and knowing that won't happen for me is hard.  Sometimes I think about what it would have been like had I still been pregnant.  I know how much time was left and I think about how big I would be and what I would be feeling right now.

It is hard.  I remind myself of all the reasons that it is ok, like all the pain I was in and the fact that I have a child who already needs so much of my time.  Of course my age was a big thing.  The big one is God needed another angel for something.  Those things sometimes help me remember to not be so lost.  Then all it takes is one little thing like some one selling a car seat on line or a coupon for bottles and suddenly I am back to the fact that I don't need those because I am not pregnant.

It has only been a little over a month so it is still fresh.  In time I know I will be better.  I can't say it will ever go away but it will get better.  I will be able to see other people have new babies and not feel loss but rather joy and happiness.  One day the pain will be so much less but until then I will have to do my best to move forward.