A Few Updates

So today I am just going to talk about updates.  A lot has happened over the last year and I talked about some of them.  I am going to tell you today how things are going as we have made our way.

I have been divorced for a year now.  It is still hard to accept because I trusted him with everything I had which included my child, and he let me down.  The hardest part is he continues to let my daughter down but refuses to acknowledge she is hurting.  I can not change that.  I can only love her as much as I can and try to move forward.  He has completely moved and seems to be doing great while I continue to struggle with many things.  I pray and keep going and just do my best to help my daughter.

Weight loss is a constant struggle.  I have lost 20 pounds but have a lot to go.  We have had a rough year health wise so getting to the gym has been a distant thought completely.  I have a lot more to go but I am trying to at least be more conscious about how much I eat.  I don't really make a big deal about what I eat but how much and when. I am working on eating only when I am hungry and stopping when I am full.  Not snacking just to eat.

My daughter still has seizures and other things going on.   It has been a tough struggle this year for her health wise and it is really starting to get to her.  he is trying to remain positive but I know she is hurting in so many ways.  All I can do is be there for her and give her as much love as I can.  I continue to pray for her each day.

Things have been tough but My God, me and my daughter are tougher.  We will get through this. It may be next year or longer but we will make it and rest assured we will thrive at the end of the day.  

Sorry For the absence Here is an update

So sorry I have not written in a long time.  So much has happened lately.  I am going to try to keep it short tonight but give you as much of the info as possible.

So on the weight loss.  That is going nowhere.  I have not been doing anything so I am still at the same weight as when I started my plan.  I know I will get there it is just going to take sometime to get there.

As for my marriage.  It officially ended on March 6th 2014.  It was not pretty that day and I was called a lot of names.  In the end I feel I did what was right for my daughter so I just have to move on and remember I can only do my best.

As for my job well I switched branches and I am doing good there. I have a lot to learn but they are very supportive so it makes it nicer.  I got a raise this year so I am happy about that.  I worked really hard to get it so I wish it was more but it is a start.

Things are a little crazy but I am really trying to stay positive and just move forward.  I am hoping by this time next year I will be much better off and closer to my goals.

That is all for tonight.  Have a great game.

An Update Post

So in this post I am just going to give some updates on some stuff that I have talked about before.  I feel that I should from time to time let you know how things are going with some of the things that I have posted in the past.  If ever you want to know how something is going though feel free to ask.  I will gladly tell you how things are going.

So as for the update on my exercise stuff.  Well I have not been being very diligent but I am trying to get better.  I have gotten food for work so I am less tempted to go out to eat for lunch.  I have been trying to stand more than sit at work and some times I just walk behind the line to get some extra activity.  I think I got a small catch up on working out though since I have been shoveling the driveway and pushing my car out of being stuck.

With that an update on our severe weather we had.  Well just as they got everything all cleaned up and people got power back we started getting snow.  Now everyone is snowed in and missing work.  I started at 720 am and just got my truck unstuck at 1.  I have no idea if I will be able to get be able to get there tomorrow either so I am hoping that it will work out or I have to use PTO days to cover it.  The other problem is I am soooo sore and tired from all the work I have already done.  I don't know if I can shovel one more scoop.

Then there is the scoop on my divorce.  It is exactly 2 months from today.  I am kinda nervous I feel unprepared for some reason.  I just want to move on at this point and get going forward with mine and my daughters life.  Things are just to crazy with always having to always worry about what is going on with this stuff.  Once it is final then that is that.  My daughter still does not enjoy going over there but I am working on it either he will give her the attention she needs  or he will learn she is mad and give up on trying to force her.

Then we get to the other divorce info.  So Me and my first ex have test a few time since chatting but that is about it.  We haven't really talked about anything important in those texts though.  Just a few hope you are doing good, I am tired talk later, that type of stuff. I text him back briefly today but that is about it.  At least we had a good chat the other days and I got some stuff off my chest that I had never been able to talk to him about so that was nice.  I guess we will see if there is any future conversation.

Well I am going to go work on shoveling my car out some more and hope I can get to work tomorrow.  I hope you are safe and warm where you are at. Until next time.

New Year New Day New Ideas

So it is 2014 and I am excited.  I have so many things to get done this year.  I have a million ideas to do my business.  A ton of new ideas for how to make products for my daughters business.  I am determined to make this a great year regardless of how 2013 went, it is over and fresh starts are possible. 

My divorce happens in March and while I am sad I am also relieved.  I no longer have to worry about it.  I can just focus on mine and my daughters futures and make our lives as awesome as possible.  What are you putting behind you this year? Are there reasons you are happy that 2013 is over? 

I know I am going to be really busy this year but it is all going to be good stuff.  I also plan on getting my daughter back into dance so I will have to get ready for all the practices and recitals and maybe competitions if she is still good enough for the dance team.  Then work on business stuff as much as possible.  I have also found a survey company that makes it easier to earn money.  I have only been doing it a couple days now and almost have enough points to cash in for $10.  You only need to earn 100 points for that and there surveys generally pay decent points for each one.  I am using another one that is taking a little longer but still better than when I tried it last time.  So at say $10 a month I could earn a minimum of an extra $120 this year so I can put that toward my $5000 goal or use that specifically for Christmas.  You can turn it in for other stuff that is decent but I am just more interested in the money.

Well I just wanted to drop in with a quick chat tonight.  I go back to work in the morning and I only have about 6.5 hours to sleep.  It is going to be a great year so lets get together and make it fun

Starting Again

So I was doing really well with the blog and then got distracted but I see many people are still looking.  I am going to get back to it and we will see where it goes from there.  I have been up to so much this year.  I have been just so busy and working on so many different things. 

This year I started out separated and not feeling to happy.  I am now only three months away from my divorce and doing ok.  I have gone back to church more often and I am feeling much better in my faith now.  I am learning a better way to pray and to trust God even more.  It is nice when you can just feel great about things. 

 My job not so awesome but I have one and right now that is a bonus.  I can kinda pay my bills and I can feed my daughter and myself so that feels good.  My car is almost paid off so that will be nice when I am done with that.  It will be extra money to put toward some other bills.  I have been turned down for full time three different time so that has been a little crushing for me.  I applied for another one but not getting too excited about it because I have a feeling I am not getting which has a lot to do with the position itself and a little with my employers.

I have reduced my medications drastically which has been a very nice change for me.  My daughter has been having less seizures which is very exciting and her grades are up from last year along with her reading skills improving this year.  This is something she has struggled with for years.  She also got nominated for the new Leadership club at school.  She makes me so proud.

I have also been working on getting my business up and going strong.   I have made some changes to what I am doing and I hope I can get things going so I can work for myself and have more time with my daughter.  She is growing up to so fast I want to get as much time with her as I can before college comes around

Well that is a quick catch up of some of the things that have been going on with me since I have been absent from writing.  I hope I can keep you interested and get things going on the blog regularly again.  Thanks for reading.

Weird Kind of Day

This is going to be a quick post for today.  Nothing went as planned and I have so much to still get done.  I woke up and things started good, then it got a little awkward.  Then work was weird as well so that really threw me for a loop.  The rest of the day did not go as planned either so nothing worked out the way it was supposed to.  I just got home like 3 hours after I was supposed to and I still do not have my divorce papers and I wanted them to be ready to file  tomorrow.

So it is the big day I finally start the process and I am not really sure how I feel now.  I was sad and then I was ready and now I just want to get it started so I can be done with it.  I have been married to him for the last eight years and never thought it would end.  Even when he told me he had gotten a girlfriend when I thought we were going to be making things stronger.  That my friend was a big shock.  You think that you are going to make your marriage stronger and he tells you he has a girlfriend and does not want to be with you like that anymore.  It was really hard.  Especially now that he puts his girlfriend before you and your child. 

He only seems to want to hang out with her when he wants and is very inflexible about weekends.  I am just beyond the whole situation.  I just want to get it done so that I can move forward with what is best for me and my daughter.  It in no way will be easy but after a year I feel it is time.  I really tried to work on it but he is unwilling so time to go.

Happy Days

So I have been busy the last two days and I hope it pays off.  I really want to get stuff together.  I am planning to file my divorce papers Wednesday which is sad.  I have been trying for a year with no change so I feel it is time to move on.  I have been working on the house trying to make it feel a little more like my home instead of my parents home.  We are making progress slowly but surely.  I feel things are turning around slowly in my favor.  It feels good for a change.

Work not so much.  I am not the favorite at work by any means so things can get a little sticky now and then.  It is a love, hate relationship.  I love my paycheck coming in but hate that I have to go to work.  I am trying to find something I can do that I really enjoy.  Maybe starting my own business.  I would much rather be the boss than keep working some place where I do not feel respected. 

I am just going to Keep Swimming.  It has to go up from here.  I do feel sad on some things but happy that I am strong enough to keep going.  I am thankful to the people who continue to support me even when I don't want to support myself.  It has been a long year and it looks like I am finally heading in somewhat the right direction.  I only hope the next year goes even better.

Well it is late and I have  plans in the morning.  Have a great day.

On Some Kind Of Weird High

So after so much that has happened I have actually been in a pretty good mood.   I saw a person that I used to go to school with and I have been talking to them for like 2 days.  It has been kinda great to just talk to someone about stuff.  Of course because of spending so much time texting I have not gotten much else done which is not a good thing at all.  I am behind again on everything it is really hard to be behind this much.  I really need to get focused because I will be starting school again in a few weeks, plus I have a birthday to plan.  Then there is the drama

I posted before about me and my husband and how we were not getting along.  I have decided to officially end it by filing paper work.  It will be sad and my daughter is not happy but we have not lived together in over a year and he doesn't even talk to me anymore so I think I am better off just moving forward and trying to be happy.  I really hate the idea I miss him a lot but he has shown no interest in even talking to me about our child so I think it is best that I just go on.

So I really don't know how to deal with it for my child.  She is soo devastated about the idea but I can't just sit here waiting for him to change his mind for years.  I need to do stuff that is going to make me happy so that I can make my daughter happy.  I truly hate that we could not make it work out but I guess it is better to find out now than when we are elderly and have spent our whole life's together and then don't know what to do.

 Well I am getting off of here to get some sleep and hopefully clean my house tomorrow.  Have a great day

WoW

So I am still behind on my To-Do list.  I have a page long list that never gets shorter.  It has been crazy but I did manage to get school layaway done.  Not much else got done today really.  My house is still not clean because I forgot to go to that store.  Plus I am kinda out of money at the moment so that put an end to the shopping today. 

We did get some good stuff for school and the house so I don't mind so much.  It just sucks because my daughters birthday is in a few weeks and due to her Dad not being involved so much I am not sure he will be contributing so it makes it very nerve racking to know if I will have the money.

On a good note I enrolled back in school so I am super happy.  I will be getting a Bachelors so that will be cool.  I have been out of college about 2 years so I must admit I am nervous.  I did my Associates no problem really but I am not so sure about this.  It will be different being back again.

Well today is short because I have to get up for work and it is already late.  Have a great night.

Emotionally Out Of Control

Today I had a break down emotionally.  It seemed like anything that could break me down was happening.  I literally cried the entire time I was in church service.  It was awful.  Now I am completely drained.  I have really lost all energy today.  Things were just out of control.  I have so much going on and I am worried about so much that I finally burst.

 I did talk to a member of the prayer team today and it helped a little.  I believe in God.  I have no doubt that he is out there and he does work miracles. That I do not question at all.  I have problems having faith in myself.  A lot of the time I feel like it is me that is broken and I am incapable of receiving all that is out there.  I know that this is not what God intends but I still can not grasp it in me.  I pray I tithe and I go to church but I still feel broken.

By no means am I trying to lead people one way or the other.  While I hope that everyone would find their path in Christ I also know that everyone has free will.  I am not hear to force my beliefs or UN-beliefs.  I am just here talking about how I have been feeling.  There might be some one out there with the same odd feeling and it might help to know they are not alone.  They may have questions also that can be answered.  I am hoping that people will start getting engaged and commenting on my posts so that everyone can find help with things that may be on their mind.

I have a lot to do and I am going to have to make a to-do list to get it all done but bit by bit I hope to get everything done.   Sadly I am also starting my divorce so it is a sad time all around any way.  On that note I am signing off for the night so that I can get some other work done.  Have a great day.

Eye Opening Days

Well I have been back at work for 4 days now and things are actually different now.  I see things a little different there.  I just don't even get caught in the drama right now, i mostly just shake my head and laugh.  The extra effort put in by some people just to make others miserable is beyond me.  It has been very uplifting for me to be able to withdrawal from the personal drama has been nice.  I am even using it with my husband. 

After not hearing a word from him for our anniversary  I was a little bummed but saw it coming.  Though my daughter text him and she never heard from him that day.  Then yesterday he text me after 6 saying he was picking her up and I told him to talk to her about it because she had already made plans which turned into a fight because he wants his way when he wants it and not a minute later.  Ultimately my daughter told him the same thing and he stopped texting her for the rest of the night.  I do not know why he could not compromise and let her do her activity and then get her but since she didn't want to go when he said he is not taking her now.  Although he complains he never gets to see her but also does not call her during the time he does not see her. It is very frustrating to deal with some time.

Now when he wants to argue though I just stop him by saying I am not fighting about it and he can work with me or I have nothing else to say about it.  That leads to him not talking to me for awhile usually.  I hate that my daughter has to be punished because he wants to pick a fight with me but at the same time I refuse to let him run our lives when he is the one that walked away.  even after that I have been letting get what he wants and trying to fix the marriage but he is the one that wants to keep fighting about everything.

I am not going to say that it is perfect today was a challenge.  There were things that were trying my patience but I made it through.  I just kept telling myself that it was not worth it.  There are far more important things I can worry about rather than the bad moods of other people.  Plus I find that the day goes faster when I am in a good mood.  It makes the customers happier and I get things done a lot easier because it is not such a chore at that point.

Well I need to get some sleep due to the fact I have only been sleeping about 5 hours a night for the last week.  Have a great day.

Today Is One Of Those Days

So today was another good day at work.  With another crazy coworker day and a lot of nonsense work to be done.  I dove in and kept smiling even at the nonsense.  I have actually been in good mood for the fact that today was supposed to be special.  I should be celebrating and remembering a perfect day.  It should have been one of the happiest days of the year.

Unfortunately for our 8 year anniversary me and my husband are now separated.  When we should have been celebrating I have a feeling he was spending time with his new girlfriend whom he ironically met this time last year but didn't tell me about her until she moved here into his house which was like 2 months after he moved back home.  It was a blow for sure.  I mean we had our problems but the whole time we were separated for military reasons we were still talking and texting on a regular basis.  He is soo different now and it has really hurt a lot.  He not only treats me different but also our daughter as well.

She text him today and he never even responded.  He does this quite often and it is really confusing for her.  She and her Dad used to hang out all the time and now he chooses the new girl over her as well.  I think that is what makes it so hard even today.  She will be 13 next month which is such a special age and he won't even text me back to talk about her birthday.  It is a mess.

I am surprised by how calm I have really been today though.  I have been smiling and trying to get things accomplished and move ahead and do what is best for my daughter.  I just hate that I feel like I wasted the last 10 years of my life with this guy.  I was with him for 2 years before we got married and he knew how I felt because of past relationships but he made me forget all that.

He was fun and always made me feel special when we were together.  Eventually he asked and I said yes 8 years later he has a new girl and I have a lot of broken promises.  I really wanted to work things out as sad as that may seem to some.  I am starting to realize that even though I love him I can not just sit and wait to see if he gets bored with her and comes back.

The lack of anger and hurt that I do have today makes me realize that even though this has been hard I can still smile and I will at some point be OK.  I am going to be sad and I will always have some kind of love for him but I think that it is time for me to only look forward and smile at the sun.  I want my daughter to know she comes from a strong person and she can make it too.