Why can't I Just Be Not Ok

     So I made a post on Facebook today.  It was about how I feel in my life. I am about to be honest.  I have never felt like I fit in anywhere.  I have never been a fan of myself.  I struggle with mood issues because of these feelings.  I have struggled with getting through the day because I do not even know why I am trying.  I wrote how I have always been the odd one and that it was just hard when you do not feel like you belong anywhere. Now back to the story.

    I made the post about how I am the odd person in all situations and that I just do not feel like I have a place.  That things were difficult and I am just at odds today about this feeling that I had since I can remember.  I ended up getting a call about the post.  They decided to call because they felt offended by my post because they decided to take it personally.  Suddenly a post I made about me and how I don't belong made them unhappy because they could not understand where I was coming from.

                                

     Why can't I just be not  ok.  Why does what I say about my feelings suddenly become about their things.  Why was it that when I feel really bad about something that has gone on in my life for a long time, a person decides this is the best time to tell me that I am making them feel bad and it is offending them that I would say this.  Like yes I control my emotions based on how it might make people feel.  Oh wait!

                                

    All my life I have thought about how what I say or do will trigger people. I always worry that I will get a call about what I say. I keep a lot to myself because I do not want to explain to people why it has nothing to do with them and that they should not be upset because my mental health issues are not their problem.  I mean how am I supposed to process all my feelings if I can never talk about them because other will be offended and it will ruin their whole life and how they view it.

    Sorry about the big feelings today but I was already having a big feelings day and then this just made it worse.

The Thoughts That Come

    So when life hits it is really hard sometimes.  You get flooded with so many emotions.  Things just do not seem to be real.  You just start thinking about random things.  Your brain just starts processing some things and you really have no control over what it is thinking.  It brings a waive of ideas, memories, things that you should do, and the things you didn't do.

    Brains are a funny thing.  They do their own thing sometimes and you just can not control where it goes.  You smile at some things and tears form about others.  After awhile you can gain control of it and get it focused on what you want. Maybe it is work and maybe it is learning.  The thoughts do not last long they are little blips of time. 

    Whatever your brains focuses on today. I hope that it is something good.  I hope in that space you get to go through some good memories, or maybe you get to get hit with the most genius idea yet.  Where ever your mind goes today, I hope it makes for a good day.

Working on Positivity

 Hey all,

    So one thing I struggle with is keeping up my positive attitude.  I really do start each day with the best of intentions. I really want to be more positive in my day to day interactions.  I wake up and I say self, "I am going to have a good day, things are gonna be good".  Then IT happens!

    There is always something that just rushes in and ruins the vibes.  It is like I have this target that says kick me on my back and the universe is like "ok", let me throw some curves in here. I get clients yelling at me and calling me names, notices from the city about things that need to be fixed, but only 3 days before they have to be fixed.  Even though I have a budget my checking account will suddenly not have enough money in it.  I have no idea how this happens so regularly.

    Am I not being positive enough? Do I not really believe the positive energy?  I just am not sure how my day starts out so well and the next thing I know I am hit by a semitruck. Do you struggle with this?  Have you overcome it?  What is going on here?