Your New Bundle

Hey guys, I hope today is going well for you.  I was thinking and realized that some of you out there are getting ready to have a baby.  It must be so scary to be thinking about bringing a new life into this crazy time.  I want to assure you it is going to be ok.

The world has faced many crazy times before, we have had to deal with extreme uncertainty many times.  We have faced severe diseases before and while scary, we have made it.  This is not the first global crisis nor will it be our last and that is just a fact.  What we do know is that we have made it each time one has popped up, this will be no exception.

With that said embrace this time.  Enjoy the journey, before you know it that baby will be here and you will be so full of love.  Enjoy every day, you will soon be watching them grow and turn into and amazing little person.

I know you are trying to get items around to be prepared and it can be a little difficult right now so here is a link to a discount on some items you might need or just want.  Enjoy https://amzn.to/2VzFeKq  lets beat this lockdown together, just as long as it is 6 feet apart

Graduation Time

So it happened.  My daughter graduated high school on Saturday.  It seems like not so long ago she was starting her first day of Kindergarten.  I cried that day.  I knew she was growing up and it was scary.  I cried on graduation day because she is a grown up, and it is scary.

It is bitter sweet really.  I knew it would come but I was still not prepared for it.  She really does deserve it though.  She worked very hard.  She fought each day to do her hardest.  She has Seizures, ADHD and some other things that really made it a challenge to remember all that she had learned.

Despite  these things she studied and worked hard to get the best grade she could each and everyday.  She is so smart too.  The seizures have robbed her of some memory but none the less she made good grades.  She worked hard and even won a scholarship for college.  She will be going in the fall.

She wants to be a teacher.  She wants to teach kindergarten or preschool.   She says she wants to make a difference by giving children the same start she got.  She loves school and really wants children to want to be there.  We joke about how she finished school, to go to school, so she can work at school.

Even though it has been a tough road she never gave up.  I could not be prouder of her.  I know she will do great things.  I have complete faith that she will make a change in the world.

                                                   

Another Year Ending

So here we are , another year over.  I am having mixed feeling really.  I am truly over this year.  It honestly was one of the crappiest years.  I lost my Mom, My daughter's health got worse and so did mine, my mental health has been shaken, and I got terminated from my job.

See why I am very unimpressed with this year?  The hard part is it means the last year my Princess is a child.  My little girl will turn 18 and then start her Senior year of high school.   That makes me sad and also ramps up my anxiety because that means new problems and I am totally unprepared to be the Mom of an adult who I still have to make all the decisions for because her health prevents her from being capable of doing it.  She is smart, and works hard.  She aspires to become a school teacher.  The problem is her seizures make life hard.  The truth is my adult child will still have days where she will be more like a 5 year old than an 18 year old. 

Totally not her fault and I accept that as her Mom this is absolutely my responsibility.  I have just spent 17.5 years making the decisions because she is a child.  What happens when I try to help and she says no because she really doesn't know what is happening right then or if I am unable to become her guardian so they will only talk to her and she gets too frustrated to make the right decisions?  Being a person with severe anxiety dealing with this has been an extremely difficult task.  I am soooo not ready.

As with the years past it does not matter how prepared or unprepared we are it will come.  It will bring with it whatever it wants and life will continue.  I think of the worst and pray for the best.  There will be no stopping it and all we can do is try to make each day count the best we can.

So as you close out these final days, just enjoy them because life is going to happen.  It will be messy sometimes and other times it will be great.  So my wish for all of you is that, May you have more great days than messy ones.

Thank you for visiting, until next time.

Feeling Frustrated

So I am working on a lot of new things this year and honestly it is getting overwhelming.  I have tried being positive more each day, but the reality is that some days are hard.  Nothing seems to be going right and no matter how hard you try you just can not turn things around.  I just had so many plans for this year and it isn't going as easy or as well as I planned.

As a matter of fact everything seems to be heading the opposite way of how I thought it would go.  The more I try the farther backwards I seem to go.  I have been home and separated for four years.  It is time for things to start turning around.  I was headed on a good path and then it is like something snapped and now I am spiraling backwards again.

It is rough to really want to get out of your situation but you seem to just keep repeating the same day over and over.  Some times I feel like I am in the living in the movie Ground Hog Day.  I wake up and do the same thing every day.  If I had a stalker it wouldn't be hard for them to track me down since my schedule is always the same.

Most people fear change.  They want to stay in their comfort zone and never have to do anything different but I am ready for change.  I want a lot of change.  I would be happy with just about everything changing.  I want things to improve.  I have so much that is just making me feel down that if even one thing would start turning around then it would give hope to keep pushing.

I really intend to keep working to be positive and be happy with what I do have because I know things can be a lot worse.  I just do not want things to get that bad because I can not turn things around or think in a more positive manner.  

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to take a moment to wish every one a very merry Christmas.  This time of year is such a great time.  It is a time to slow down and be with family and friends.  I get to enjoy being with everyone.  I love the excitement of the year and being with my daughter.

Today we spent time with my parents.  We don't see them much any more since they moved up north from us.  We are lucky to still have them around so I love the time I get to spend with them.  It is a time to just relax and take in the world around us.  You know that the new year is right around the corner and so many possibilities are coming.

I have heard people say " who cares about the new year it is just going to be the same stuff another year longer".  Well I like to think that  it means we can look toward something new coming.  New year dreams, new adventures, new blessings, a time for new ideas.  I like to think of it as a fresh time to get going.  It is like how nature takes time to rest during winter and them blooms bright come spring.  Well that is what we can do with the new year. We come back refreshed from all the stuff that has happened over the past year.  Brush it off and think of the amazing adventure ahead.

With that said I hope you have a very blessed week ahead and smile as you look forward to all the possibilities  that are headed your way.

Happy Holidays from our house to yours.

The Biggest Surprise Ever

So I had been super sick for weeks and with a history of health conditions it was time to go to the Dr.  I went and they did all of the usual stuff.  They started with the Urine test and then did the blood work and then due to my PCOS they sent me to get an Ultrasound in case of cysts or cancer.  They also wanted an ultrasound of my thyroid in case.

Last Tuesday was the day I was scheduled for the ultrasounds.  They were taking a million pictures and not really telling me much.  Then the tech says they would not be able to tell me any results that day but they should be available in 24-48 hours.  She keeps scanning because she has to do the uterus and both ovaries.  By now my bladder is beyond full and I just want to get to the part where I get to go to the bath room.

Suddenly she says you have a little one in there.  I look at her thinking she is talking about a cyst of some sort so I say excuse me?  She says you have a little one in there as in a baby.  WHAT!?!?!?!?  Sure enough I am pregnant again.

Talk about a major surprise!  My only child just turned 15 years old.  I am in my late 30's and not to mention I was told it wouldn't happen again due to my medical history.  Craziest moment ever.  So here I am laying there and she shows me the baby and plays it's heartbeat for me.  I was already 14 weeks pregnant.  I couldn't believe it.  I am going to be starting over again.  I hae not done this forever.

I am going to blog the next 5 months.  Hopefully it may help another older unexpecting mother at some point.  Plus my circumstance is not as completely joyous as you would think.  I will be single mothering with no help of any kind from the other parent so this will be interesting.  STAY TUNED!

Happy New Year!

So it is 2015.  Hopefully you have learned a few tips to give you a great year.  I am really excited about this year.  I feel like I am going to get somewhere.  I feel like that My debt is going to be gone this year other than student loans.  Those are going to be the last things I tackle.  I will be using the many I get from saving so much to make the payment.  It will be refreshing to know that is the end of my debt.

I hope that you guys will have a great year and start to get ahead on your debt.  It is really a great feeling to get to keep some of that money you work so hard to make.  It is tiring to go to work every day and have nothing to show for it.  I will be so excited when I start getting paid and the money is actually mine to do as I wish not figure out who I can pay this week and who will have to wait until the next payday.  I get 3 pay checks this month and taxes are right around the corner.

The best thing about taxes is you can pay off something.  I don't care if it is the smallest bill you have, pay it off.  That will free up not only your money but it will help free you from stress.  Then you can concentrate on other bills.  I already know what I am doing with my taxes.  I have been planning it for months.  I know what I want to accomplish when I get my return.  I know what I need to do to get ahead.

You should sit down and make a list.  It doesn't matter if you don't know how much you are going to get.  You know what you need to pay off.  So put it in writing from most important to what you would like to pay off but can wait a minute.  The goal is to be ready so when that money gets there.  You will have a set plan.  Then you follow it.  That is all there is too it.  Now if between now and then something major happens you can adjust the list but the main thing is to be ready and have a plan.  The problem is that most people get so excited about getting them they start thinking about all the stuff they can buy.  They make these purchases but never take care of the old debt so then they have all this new stuff but still no money.  Not a good plan.  You just start regretting what you did and then you really can't enjoy the new stuff.

So I hope you will join me this year in making this year our best debt free year ever.  I hope that you will find your way to becoming debt free.  What ever works for you I hope you will use it and get to a comfortable relationship with your money.

When The Ex Comes Calling

So I found out my mom was in the hospital the other day but I was trying to stay calm because my dad said it wasn't to serious.  I went through my day the next day at work and just tried to keep my mind off the problem.  Then I saw a number on my phone and there was a voice mail so I checked I checked and was quite shocked at who it was.

It turned out to be my first ex-husband!  Now I really don't talk to him.  Our relationship went pretty much like this last one.  In the end he cheated but he is my daughters biological Father so he left me pregnant with not much to my name.  I have since gotten over the situation since I can't change it.  We have talked before so whatever.  Some how this voice mail seemed different though.  It just said call me at this number.  Well I thought about it and I did. 

When he answered he asked how I was.  I said fine then he said he had been itching so he knew he should call.  What he was talking about is that we got matching tattoos before our wedding but they are in Japanese so they just look like another tattoo.  After the divorce mine would occasionally itch an swell and with out fail every time it did he was up to something.  So I finally told him about it, so I guess he felt his acting up and decided to call.  Weird timing so I told him he was right and explained my mom.

We talked for 2 hours that night and I really let him have it for the things he put me through.  We talked about all kinds of different things.  We talked about my up coming divorce and I yelled a lot about things.  He told me things he had heard years ago and we just had it out and went through a lot of emotions.  At one point he mentioned me being mad at him and still hating him. Well I corrected him.

You see the truth is that I don't care any more.  I forgave him and stopped being mad about the marriage a long time ago.  I explained to him what I was mad about was his choices.  He choice to cheat, to leave, and to not be part of my daughters life.  That made me angry but it was also his problem.  He made those choices and what happened was neither here nor there.  I was long over the cheating and being left behind and my daughter doesn't even want to know his name so it is what it is but he made crappy choices.

We had a grudge match conversation.  We went at each other about all the faults that happened, who's fault it was that things ended, who cheated on who.  You name it we probably covered it.  I even started calling him names by the alphabet.  it was a very intense conversation.  In the end we said good night and talk later.

We talked another 2 hours yesterday.  It was kind of healing talking to him.  We never had a real closer to our marriage.  We lived in different states when the whole thing happened so it never really got resolved.  When he did move back it was more of a competition to prove who had moved on better.  Which I ultimately won that  one so that was satisfying.  We sat another 2 hours going through the same routine as the night before.  This time though I really let him have it.  Let him know what him acting like he did caused.

I wanted him to know.  He went through the routine of supposedly I cheated on him and whatever.  Finally I said your right.  Whoever you think I cheated with your right.  I did from now on who ever you mention that's who I will agree with.  I told him that now he can tell people I did it so he could feel justified about what he did.  Now he could blame me for every thing and the dismantling of our marriage.  This really got to him.  He didn't like it at all.  I simply took his ammunition from him.  That was good too.  It made him have to think about his actions for once.  After I finally just said your right it was my fault.  I gave up everything for you and did everything for you but in the end it was my fault that our family broke down.  I told him make sure he told people this too.  I no longer wanted people to think he had done me wrong.  Once he couldn't really make me mad about it, it kinda forced him to really look at the situation.  We talked a little longer then said goodnight. 

I text him tonight but he really can't talk to me.  I took away all the things he had over me to make me so angry these last 13 years.  The only thing he was left with was the cold truth and that hurt a little.  He always mentions that he knows he screwed up but he always says I had a big part in it and would never really let it go so when I finally said call me what you want and think what you want.  He no longer had control to make me angry of accusing me of random things.  I hope next time we talk that we can have and actual conversation with out dragging things out but who knows.  Only time will tell.  I just hope it doesn't take another 13 years for us to have a civil conversation

New Year New Day New Ideas

So it is 2014 and I am excited.  I have so many things to get done this year.  I have a million ideas to do my business.  A ton of new ideas for how to make products for my daughters business.  I am determined to make this a great year regardless of how 2013 went, it is over and fresh starts are possible. 

My divorce happens in March and while I am sad I am also relieved.  I no longer have to worry about it.  I can just focus on mine and my daughters futures and make our lives as awesome as possible.  What are you putting behind you this year? Are there reasons you are happy that 2013 is over? 

I know I am going to be really busy this year but it is all going to be good stuff.  I also plan on getting my daughter back into dance so I will have to get ready for all the practices and recitals and maybe competitions if she is still good enough for the dance team.  Then work on business stuff as much as possible.  I have also found a survey company that makes it easier to earn money.  I have only been doing it a couple days now and almost have enough points to cash in for $10.  You only need to earn 100 points for that and there surveys generally pay decent points for each one.  I am using another one that is taking a little longer but still better than when I tried it last time.  So at say $10 a month I could earn a minimum of an extra $120 this year so I can put that toward my $5000 goal or use that specifically for Christmas.  You can turn it in for other stuff that is decent but I am just more interested in the money.

Well I just wanted to drop in with a quick chat tonight.  I go back to work in the morning and I only have about 6.5 hours to sleep.  It is going to be a great year so lets get together and make it fun

No Turning Back

So it is officially 2014.  I just wanted to take a quick second to get in touch.  Make sure you stay positive this year.  Remember what you are working toward and why. Together we will make this our best year yet.  I hope you guys stay safe and I will be back later today to share some more witty banter about life and my day.  I hope you will join me and share with each other.

So Christmas Is Here

So Christmas is here.  People are excited and can barely contain themselves.  It is a great time of year.  We get to relax for a day and just take it all in.  It is the prize we get for making it all year long even through Thanksgiving when Black Friday hits and people lose there minds. 

So what is really important about Christmas.  Well it is a time when we as Christians can teach people about the birth of Jesus Christ.  We can touch the lives of others and hopefully help them learn about what Christmas is all about.  Now if you don't believe in God I am not here to preach to you and make you feel bad.  I am just saying that it is a chance to get the word out to people about a wonderful savior that is here. We can reach out to families that want to know more about what this season is about.

It is also a chance for family to spend time with each other.  We get one day to sit with each other and look back at all the amazing things that happened during the year.  I saw an idea on Pinterest and it was to put a slip of paper in a jar telling each time something good happened then on New Years eve take them out and read them so you can remember how good the year really was.  Me and my daughter have been doing this so I can not wait to pull them out and remember the awesomeness that was 2013. 

Christmas is a time of togetherness.  So make sure that you slow down.  Take it all in together.  Make sure you say I love you to the people that really matter most.  Even if you had a rough year there is something to be grateful for, even if it is just that you made it through the year and now have another to turn things around.  Just take the time to enjoy it.  Even if you don't have a ton of gifts to give you get to be with people you care for and that is worth more than anything you can purchase.

I probably wont write the next two days so I hope you guys out there have a blessed and wonderful Christmas.  I hope your time with your family is the best part of your year.

Weird Kind of Day

This is going to be a quick post for today.  Nothing went as planned and I have so much to still get done.  I woke up and things started good, then it got a little awkward.  Then work was weird as well so that really threw me for a loop.  The rest of the day did not go as planned either so nothing worked out the way it was supposed to.  I just got home like 3 hours after I was supposed to and I still do not have my divorce papers and I wanted them to be ready to file  tomorrow.

So it is the big day I finally start the process and I am not really sure how I feel now.  I was sad and then I was ready and now I just want to get it started so I can be done with it.  I have been married to him for the last eight years and never thought it would end.  Even when he told me he had gotten a girlfriend when I thought we were going to be making things stronger.  That my friend was a big shock.  You think that you are going to make your marriage stronger and he tells you he has a girlfriend and does not want to be with you like that anymore.  It was really hard.  Especially now that he puts his girlfriend before you and your child. 

He only seems to want to hang out with her when he wants and is very inflexible about weekends.  I am just beyond the whole situation.  I just want to get it done so that I can move forward with what is best for me and my daughter.  It in no way will be easy but after a year I feel it is time.  I really tried to work on it but he is unwilling so time to go.

First Day After Vacation

So today was my return to work.  It was very interesting to say the least.  The things that normally would have made me sooo mad I just laughed at.  I had this peace over me that just helped me keep my calm all day.  It was a great feeling to not care so much about the little things that didn't effect me at all.  Other people have been letting their emotions run high and questioning my place of employment.  Today I just went about my business and it went by so fast and sooo smooth it was crazy.  I hope I can hold onto this peace each day so every day is this nice.

On another note I felt amazing as well due to the fact everyone was loving my new hair cut.  Customers that barely ever keep a conversation going with me were talking about my hair and how cute it was.  I had to smile.  It was nice to get the compliments and to know that people actually noticed.  I think I smiled more today than any day lately.  It was nice to have these great things happening today.

I have a short day tomorrow so that will be fun too.  I go in for only about 5 hours so I am in and out.  No big deal.  It will be nice to add to my great first day.  I actually look forward to going tomorrow.  Tomorrow I going to be interesting on another note but that will be for tomorrows posting.  I have to have something to share then.  Well off to more survey doing and job searching.  Have a great day.

New Look

So today I got a new hair cut.  Nice and short for this hot weather.  My Dad paid for it at the local hair salon up here.  It is different than I thought it would be but it is still nice.  It is different from what I normally get done.  I think next time I might go shorter in the back.  It is different from what I have had in awhile. If you are Up North in MI you can visit the salon.  It is called Teasers and is downtown.

Now we are just sitting doing nothing and relaxing.  This is our final night up here so we are just enjoying the quiet and taking in the freshness of the north.  It is so peaceful up here.  It is so laid back and easy going.  The only thing that is not good is today is sooo hot that you can not be outside very long.  That is hard when it is so nice up here.

Tomorrow we will make the 2 hour drive back to our regular routine.  It will be happy and sad at the same time.  We will miss my parents and the easy days, but we will be going home to our dogs and friends and all our stuff in general. 

That is really the hard part of going any where for vacation.  It is nice but then you start missing your own stuff and other things you are used to at home.  Unfortunately when you get home you start wishing you were on vacation again.  It is a viscous no win situation.

Starting over

I have decided to start this blog from scratch. I too am starting over in many things so it is actually fitting in a way. The old blog had too many errors and such. Plus I want to take this in a different direction a little bit. I am hoping it will be more helpful in many ways and draw more participation than before.