Just A Little Chat

Just wanted to come in and say hi, and I hope you are doing well today.  As we continue to stay in lockdown to kick this virus, I feel it is important that we have a place to chat.  I want to be encouraging in this time.  We are going to make it.

We have been through situations before and as whole world we have made it.  Yes there are people dying I know that, and I am not trying to lesson the tragedy in any way.  I just want us to remember that we have been through rough times as a unit and we will do it again.

The world is one place and while countries may be divided on many things, the one thing we can agree on is we have come through tough times together over and over and we can do it again.  I do not care where you are from, I want to be encouraging to you.

If you need someone to talk to, please reach out.  Comment on this post, on Facebook reach out on my page Your Happiness Ahead, send a message on messenger or post a comment.  Please do not sti alone and be sad.  I will talk it out with you.

We are all in this together.  I do not want anyone to be sitting at home depressed feeling like no one is there.  You are important and I am here.  We will beat lockdown together.

We Are All Struggling

I know there are many opinions out there about what is happening.  The truth is we are all being affected by this.  It isn't just a few people it is the whole world.  Rich and poor it doesn't matter it is hitting us all so we need to act accordingly.

I have had to stay off of Facebook other than my business pages because I couldn't take the drama anymore.  I started becoming a very angry person. Over the years I have learned that some times it is better to just not say what I think.  For two days I was not able to contain my mouth.  I was constantly snapping and feeling the need to react to what people were saying.  It was eat5ing me up inside.

The negativity was eating at me.  I now have physical pain from just how angry I was getting.  People were basically bashing people for things out of their control, no empathy could be found and people that are not even in this area were commenting on what was and was not true even though I was part of it and knew what I had seen, they still called me a liar and said I had not idea what I was talking about.  I snapped for sure.

That is not who I want to be.  I want to have peace and positive things in my life.  I do not want the negativity to creep back into my life.  I have been slowly working to make my life and future more positive.

My point here is we are all going through stuff right now but we can choose how we feel and how we behave.  We can not control how others behave but we can control how we react.  If the situation is not taking you in the direction you are seeking then change the situation.  Do not engage in things that do not bring you joy.

Stay happy and healthy and we can do this lockdown together

Medical ID Bracelet

Before we get started, Yes I did sign up to get an incentive if someone buys one.  It was my choice they did not ask me.  I am working on a few projects that I will be telling you about in future posts so I am trying to earn money.  Why should we listen or buy this item then, is what you might be asking right now.

Well as many of you know my daughter has seizure disorder.  This is a game changer for families who are constantly dealing with medical personnel.  It puts medical information right there and takes away the stress of possibly forgetting something in an emergency situation.  I am in the process of purchasing mine as well.  This way if my daughter ends up at the hospital before I can get there they already have medical information at hand.  That is a huge relief as a parent to know my child will get the correct assistance when needed instead of them guessing until I get there.

She will be 18 next year and going to college the next so this is a God send really.  She can be a little more independent and I can have piece of mind knowing she will have the information she needs to be taken care of.  

I hope you will at least take a look at the product if you have a loved one with medical concerns.  You can buy if you want or not no pressure.  I just wanted to share with other people that could use some peace of mind.  To check it out click the following link http://lddy.no/odq

Thank you for visiting, until next time.

VACATION!!!!

So after not having any real time off to just chill with family or friends we are up north with my Dad. I will talk about this in a later post but in February my Mom passed and spending time with my Dad has become even more important to me.  Life is so precious.

My Daughter also turns 17 on Sunday and I have no idea where the times has gone.  So many things to plan and prepare for over the next year.  As we enjoy our vacation I am reminded of the importance of taking time for yourself.  I know easier said than done.  I rarely take time for myself, heck I don't even get alone time in the bathroom.  Either an animal is pushing its way in ahead of me or my Daughter finds this a good time to talk to me.

We were a little short on funds again this year and my Daughter's health has been all over the place so we did travel south as planned, but being here with my Dad and having time to just be in the moment is soooo worth just not being at home for a week.  I have had a crazy year and so much to do before winter gets here so it is nice to just take a break from dealing with that stuff, all of which I will get to as  I get back into the swing of my blogging.

Well not much else for today.  I just wanted to stick to my word of posting more often.  I will be posting more detailed things later that get you all caught up on what has kept me away.  Until next time.

Happy 4th of July

This is just a quick post.  I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July.  I hope you had a great holiday weekend and maybe even got to spend time with family and friends.

I was up north with my parents and daughter.  It is one of my favorite times of the year.  We just forget about what is going on and spend time with each other.  I hope you had that same type of weekend.

Just A Brief Moment

I am a little behind I know I need to give the next way I earn money.  I am actually doing a lot more, I am no longer working as of last Monday.  It has been great actually other than less money to work with at this point now but I refuse to give up on my debt free journey.  Currently I am working on earning Amazon points to pay for my daughters sweet 16 party.

I am super happy so far not working.  I have been able to be here for my daughter and actually get the rest that I need personally to recover mentally from all the stuff that has been going on.  I am not saying go out and quit your job but, I really feel that some people are not meant to work in a corporate world.  Ever since I was a kid I knew that I was not suited to work for the big companies and after many unhappy long years I am looking into pursuing something that is actually suited for me.

I will be back with more money making opportunities soon so do not worry,  Until then check out the older post for previously mentioned ways to earn and keep on working on the debt free journey.  God did not make you to struggle so stick with me, we can do this together.

A Positive Spin

So since the beginning of the year I have made an intentional effort to be more positive.  It has been going well and it is making things seem a little easier.  I have even been making a joke about things that are going bad and not letting them get to me as much.  I know it is only 5 days into the new year but I can see the affects already.  I notice my days are a lot easier and it is not as rough to go to work.  Things are easier to deal with even when it is a rough topic.

I am determined to keep this going all year.  No matter what happens I want to keep a positive attitude.  I am seeking God more in my life and actively seeking the good things that are going on.  I am not letting people get to me with negative thoughts or comments.  It is all in how you look at the world.  I want to see it as a good place.  I want my daughter to go into the world and create a positive space and I can't expect her to see the positive if I don't myself

We owe it to ourselves to have the best life we can,  There is no way to achieve that if we are constantly going around looking at the negative around us.  If we create peace and Joy around us then it will spread, It will infect others and help make the world a better place around us.

Stay true to yourself.  Find your own beauty and dance to your own music.

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to take a moment to wish every one a very merry Christmas.  This time of year is such a great time.  It is a time to slow down and be with family and friends.  I get to enjoy being with everyone.  I love the excitement of the year and being with my daughter.

Today we spent time with my parents.  We don't see them much any more since they moved up north from us.  We are lucky to still have them around so I love the time I get to spend with them.  It is a time to just relax and take in the world around us.  You know that the new year is right around the corner and so many possibilities are coming.

I have heard people say " who cares about the new year it is just going to be the same stuff another year longer".  Well I like to think that  it means we can look toward something new coming.  New year dreams, new adventures, new blessings, a time for new ideas.  I like to think of it as a fresh time to get going.  It is like how nature takes time to rest during winter and them blooms bright come spring.  Well that is what we can do with the new year. We come back refreshed from all the stuff that has happened over the past year.  Brush it off and think of the amazing adventure ahead.

With that said I hope you have a very blessed week ahead and smile as you look forward to all the possibilities  that are headed your way.

Happy Holidays from our house to yours.

Feeling Pretty Good

So for a long time things were really rough.  Then all of the sudden the other day I was sitting here doing my surveys and such and it hit me.  I was fine.  I wasn't stressed even though a lot of things were crazy.  I was relaxed and at peace with my situation.  I didn't care that things were going wrong. I was just enjoying sitting with my daughter and doing my thing.  It was a great feeling.

As you all know it has been a long time that things have been going crazy for me.  Every day I woke up worried about what was going to go wrong and would I make it just one more day.  This day it was all gone.  I wasn't worried, or stressed or anything of the sort.  I was just at peace.  It was an amazing moment for me.  It has been so long but I got there.  Every day since I have thought about that feeling and I keep it going.  Not every day is perfect and sunshine but I am still here.

I am also thinking about taking a big step into a career change where I am in charge.  I want to help people.  I want it to be in a big way though so I am thinking of becoming a life coach.  I can help people figure out what they want to do and how to get there.  I am not sure this is my true calling but it has been on my mind day after day for at least a week now so I am researching the topic.  I think it would be amazing to help others find their true passion and how to get there.

I am ready to change and do big things with my life.  I know I am poor in money but I am rich in faith and spirit.  I am going to make it.  So will you.

Just a Little Chat

So the holidays are upon us.  For me that means shopping for my daughter, parents and a few friends.  It is a time to just be with family and enjoy,  we can start to look forward to the next year as well.  It is a fun time of year.

Some people get all stressed out and are so caught up in the shopping they miss out on the joy of the season.  I like just slowing down and enjoying what is going on in my life.  My daughter gets so excited about Christmas still which is nice to see at her age.  We take time to pick out the gifts for everyone together.  She is very particular about what she wants to get people.  We help buy gifts for a needy child each year and she likes picking stuff out for them.  I think she would spend every last dollar I have on them if I would let her.  I feel blessed to have raised such a caring child.

As we get closer I want to slow down even more and enjoy the time.  It seems like each year it goes faster and faster, before I know it she will be 18 and graduating high school and off to college.  I want to enjoy every last second I can.  Even though this year has been so rough, when I stop to think there is still so much to be thankful for.

So as the holidays roll through take take the time to enjoy the people around you.  Slow down and just take it all in.  It is going to go by no matter what so why not just enjoy it.  You will not get time to do it again.

Need a Nap

I am soooo exhausted lately.  I have no energy and I just want to sleep all the time.  I know I should go work out or something so I would have more energy but I just want to sleep.  It is horrible because no mater how much or little I sleep I have no energy.

I have asked the doctors and they have no answer.  Now that I am not pregnant that is not a reason but they can not give me a better one.  I just want to be able to make my to do list and then actually be able to do it.  I have basically sat on my couch all day today wishing it was bed time.

Hopefully tomorrow I will have the energy to be able to get some stuff done.  I have a ton of stuff that I need to get done at my house and my other house too.  My daughter will be at her dad's house so there will be no distraction as far as making sure she doesn't have a seizure and that sort of thing I can just get to work and do my stuff so hopefully I can make it.

I have been avoiding going to my dr. because he doesn't know I am not pregnant anymore and I really do not want to have to talk about it, but I really need to get some answers.  I do not want to be the person who is trapped in their home because they can no longer function properly or because I have to be on so many medications that I feel like a zombie any way.

Here is to having a good day tomorrow.  I am going to think positive and just plan on a good day so hopefully I will pump myself up a little and make it happen.

Getting on With Your Life After Loss

So it has been more than a month since my loss.  I have good days and bad days.  Some things are a little more emotional than others.  My cousin had a baby the other day and day and my friend is about to have one any day now.  Don't get me wrong I am very happy for both of them.  I wish them nothing but the best.  It doesn't make it any less hurtful in my situation.

There are thing every where that are reminders.  Even reading the ads is hard when they are having the baby sales.  Seeing everyone out with there babies and knowing that won't happen for me is hard.  Sometimes I think about what it would have been like had I still been pregnant.  I know how much time was left and I think about how big I would be and what I would be feeling right now.

It is hard.  I remind myself of all the reasons that it is ok, like all the pain I was in and the fact that I have a child who already needs so much of my time.  Of course my age was a big thing.  The big one is God needed another angel for something.  Those things sometimes help me remember to not be so lost.  Then all it takes is one little thing like some one selling a car seat on line or a coupon for bottles and suddenly I am back to the fact that I don't need those because I am not pregnant.

It has only been a little over a month so it is still fresh.  In time I know I will be better.  I can't say it will ever go away but it will get better.  I will be able to see other people have new babies and not feel loss but rather joy and happiness.  One day the pain will be so much less but until then I will have to do my best to move forward.

Moving Forwrd

 So I have been writing about my pregnancy lately.  It was crazy to find out in the first place and then to find out it is in jeopardy. I have had to sit and think about my options as it pertains to every one.  I have severe health issues and do I want to go all the rest of the months for nothing.  I can barely take care of my daughter that already has health issues and there are many months to go.

I have an appointment on Tuesday and I am going to discuss ending the pregnancy.  I know that this is a very controversial issue and many people will be offended by my decision.  I must say I never thought I would ever even think about doing it, but here I am faced with a million uncertainties and a child that is 15 and quite often still needs my help to shower.  I know that I may lose readers and people might even leave nasty comments.

I understand where those people are  coming from I really do.  I know what I am saying and I know what it means if I go through with it.  It is going to be very painful and emotional and I will have to live with the decision for the rest of my life.  Let me just say that it has not been easy to think about.  I have had to think about all the pros and cons for the last month now.  It is really hard to even think about.  The alternative is just as hard.  I may have to watch my child suffer because I can,t help her or know that I am going to go full term for nothing or have another child that needs full attention.

How do I say one child needs me more than the other.  How do I decide which one is more important than the other?  Do I leave one suffering while I help the other in distress?  What if they are both in distress at the same time?  There are so many factors to consider.  There is also my health to consider.  If I am too sick to do anything then who takes care of them?  If I go full term and my health gets so bad do I recover?  What about my daughter who is here how can I be 100% for her?

I understand people will be mad.  Though as I have pointed out it is not always about just ending things.  There are many reasons why I am leaning toward this decision.   It isn't always about finances or just using it for birth control.  Some women have real reasons they may have to make this choice.  I am sure people are going to have an opinion but at the end of the day it is about what is best for everyone.

Another Day of Testing

So as we have been discussing pregnancy in honest detail today took a crazy turn.  They still do not have answers for me about the extra stuff that is going on.  I feel awful all the time. This is not all sparkles and rainbows at all.  The testing sucks a whole lot.  Blood draws and urine tests then they were pushing on my ovaries which are what started the testing that found the baby.  I wanted to crawl off the exam table.

Then I have to make amends with the fact that this pregnancy might not last any way due to other factors and health reasons.  That was weird to hear really.  I am older and things get more complicated and then there is the fact of health and everything that I am already prone to issues with.

I have only known for about a week now so it really hasn't affected me either way to be completely honest.  The dad has said he will be supportive no matter what happens.  He is by my side figuratively speaking as much as I need him.  He has been great for an ear everyday so that has been nice.  My daughter's father made me as miserable as possible during my whole pregnancy.  Having some one to just listen to  my frustration is more helpful than you can imagine.

For some this all might be too honest.  I think it is only fair that we can really discuss the reality of the situation.  Not all pregnancies are the same.  Not everyone has the same support system that is super supportive and there every second.  Not everyone has the easiest most pleasant experience either.  I apologize if it is too honest but I think it is fair to everyone to get all the details in an honest fashion.

Just Because

So this weekend has been very relaxing.  My daughter and I decided to visit my parents for the holiday weekend.  My mom's birthday is Monday and it is not often we get to just come up here for the weekend.  So we decided to use our free time this time to see family.  My parents moved two hours away so it can be challenging to see them some times.  We all have different schedules and then this time of year with the weather it makes it more challenging.

It is crazy how fast time goes and then you realize it has been more than a month since you have visited some one.  I realized it has been over a month since I last saw one of my friends and I actually drive by their house every week for other stuff.  It is crazy how time goes by so fast and we are so worried about getting things done all the time, we don't actually have time to enjoy life.

It seems more as the time goes by I get more used to not seeing people.  It is sad that we put more value on what we are getting done than the people in our lives.  It seems that being with the people we care about the most should be our bigger priority.  We get so caught up in getting a pay check or what we have to do around the house that we push the rest to the side.  I mean really, if you don't do the dishes today what is the harm they will still be there tomorrow and most people now have a dishwasher so it isn't like it is an all day chore like before.

It amazes that with ll this stuff we have to make our lives easier, we have actually complicated it more.  We are jam packing more things to do each day.  We make it almost impossible to just sit and enjoy life as it is.  Just spend time with our family.  Enjoy our time with the people we care about the most.  When you think about it when those people are gone are the dishes going to be that important?  The day of their funeral are you going to not go because there are dishes to do, or are you just going say heck with the dishes I am going.  So why wait until their life is over to see them.  Why not have today be the day that the dishes can wait and you go spend time with important people now.

When The Ex Comes Calling

So I found out my mom was in the hospital the other day but I was trying to stay calm because my dad said it wasn't to serious.  I went through my day the next day at work and just tried to keep my mind off the problem.  Then I saw a number on my phone and there was a voice mail so I checked I checked and was quite shocked at who it was.

It turned out to be my first ex-husband!  Now I really don't talk to him.  Our relationship went pretty much like this last one.  In the end he cheated but he is my daughters biological Father so he left me pregnant with not much to my name.  I have since gotten over the situation since I can't change it.  We have talked before so whatever.  Some how this voice mail seemed different though.  It just said call me at this number.  Well I thought about it and I did. 

When he answered he asked how I was.  I said fine then he said he had been itching so he knew he should call.  What he was talking about is that we got matching tattoos before our wedding but they are in Japanese so they just look like another tattoo.  After the divorce mine would occasionally itch an swell and with out fail every time it did he was up to something.  So I finally told him about it, so I guess he felt his acting up and decided to call.  Weird timing so I told him he was right and explained my mom.

We talked for 2 hours that night and I really let him have it for the things he put me through.  We talked about all kinds of different things.  We talked about my up coming divorce and I yelled a lot about things.  He told me things he had heard years ago and we just had it out and went through a lot of emotions.  At one point he mentioned me being mad at him and still hating him. Well I corrected him.

You see the truth is that I don't care any more.  I forgave him and stopped being mad about the marriage a long time ago.  I explained to him what I was mad about was his choices.  He choice to cheat, to leave, and to not be part of my daughters life.  That made me angry but it was also his problem.  He made those choices and what happened was neither here nor there.  I was long over the cheating and being left behind and my daughter doesn't even want to know his name so it is what it is but he made crappy choices.

We had a grudge match conversation.  We went at each other about all the faults that happened, who's fault it was that things ended, who cheated on who.  You name it we probably covered it.  I even started calling him names by the alphabet.  it was a very intense conversation.  In the end we said good night and talk later.

We talked another 2 hours yesterday.  It was kind of healing talking to him.  We never had a real closer to our marriage.  We lived in different states when the whole thing happened so it never really got resolved.  When he did move back it was more of a competition to prove who had moved on better.  Which I ultimately won that  one so that was satisfying.  We sat another 2 hours going through the same routine as the night before.  This time though I really let him have it.  Let him know what him acting like he did caused.

I wanted him to know.  He went through the routine of supposedly I cheated on him and whatever.  Finally I said your right.  Whoever you think I cheated with your right.  I did from now on who ever you mention that's who I will agree with.  I told him that now he can tell people I did it so he could feel justified about what he did.  Now he could blame me for every thing and the dismantling of our marriage.  This really got to him.  He didn't like it at all.  I simply took his ammunition from him.  That was good too.  It made him have to think about his actions for once.  After I finally just said your right it was my fault.  I gave up everything for you and did everything for you but in the end it was my fault that our family broke down.  I told him make sure he told people this too.  I no longer wanted people to think he had done me wrong.  Once he couldn't really make me mad about it, it kinda forced him to really look at the situation.  We talked a little longer then said goodnight. 

I text him tonight but he really can't talk to me.  I took away all the things he had over me to make me so angry these last 13 years.  The only thing he was left with was the cold truth and that hurt a little.  He always mentions that he knows he screwed up but he always says I had a big part in it and would never really let it go so when I finally said call me what you want and think what you want.  He no longer had control to make me angry of accusing me of random things.  I hope next time we talk that we can have and actual conversation with out dragging things out but who knows.  Only time will tell.  I just hope it doesn't take another 13 years for us to have a civil conversation

So Christmas Is Here

So Christmas is here.  People are excited and can barely contain themselves.  It is a great time of year.  We get to relax for a day and just take it all in.  It is the prize we get for making it all year long even through Thanksgiving when Black Friday hits and people lose there minds. 

So what is really important about Christmas.  Well it is a time when we as Christians can teach people about the birth of Jesus Christ.  We can touch the lives of others and hopefully help them learn about what Christmas is all about.  Now if you don't believe in God I am not here to preach to you and make you feel bad.  I am just saying that it is a chance to get the word out to people about a wonderful savior that is here. We can reach out to families that want to know more about what this season is about.

It is also a chance for family to spend time with each other.  We get one day to sit with each other and look back at all the amazing things that happened during the year.  I saw an idea on Pinterest and it was to put a slip of paper in a jar telling each time something good happened then on New Years eve take them out and read them so you can remember how good the year really was.  Me and my daughter have been doing this so I can not wait to pull them out and remember the awesomeness that was 2013. 

Christmas is a time of togetherness.  So make sure that you slow down.  Take it all in together.  Make sure you say I love you to the people that really matter most.  Even if you had a rough year there is something to be grateful for, even if it is just that you made it through the year and now have another to turn things around.  Just take the time to enjoy it.  Even if you don't have a ton of gifts to give you get to be with people you care for and that is worth more than anything you can purchase.

I probably wont write the next two days so I hope you guys out there have a blessed and wonderful Christmas.  I hope your time with your family is the best part of your year.

New Year approaching, Proceed with Caution

So this year is almost over and that means a whole new start again.  This year has definitely a struggle so I am ready for a new beginning.  On the other hand I worry that I will bring this year to the next and that is not a good thing at all.  I want to start 2014 clean. 

My divorce will be official in March so i can finally move past all this drama.  My finances seem to be looking up so that is very relieving and mine and my daughters health have improved so I am super happy.  I am excited by all the blessing we are receiving.  It is hard to get too excited since I have been at this point before and then got sent all the way back to the start again.

I am very proud of myself for hanging in there and keeping my faith even when everything looked like it was over.  I still have a ways to go to be back where I was but the fact that I am on the right path is very exciting.  I feel that 2014 will be the year of recovery.  I see things getting better and better from here.

I encourage anyone who has been struggling to really reach deep.  Know that if you keep strong and keep your faith you can get through what ever is holding you back.  It may take some time but do not give up.  There is a bright side that will come through.  Please stay positive and just be true to yourself and it will work out.

Make sure that you pay real close attention to the people in your life too.  They can have a real impact on what happens.  Make sure you are trusting the right people and staying for away from the wrong ones.  Having positive people in your life that help you reach your goals can get you far.  You need people that will help you when you have nothing.

It is going to be a great 2014 just make sure you pay attention to what you are doing and don't give up.  Stay blessed and you will be impressed with how far you go.

Change In Plans

I know I said it was going to be about savings right now but I have had some days that are very draining.  Things have been so backwards and I think I keep making it worse.  I am not sure I am really listening to my inner voice.  I feel disconnected from every thing right now. 

I should be feeling excited and a little sad because my daughter is about to be a teenager.  Instead I am struggling with things that are going on around me.  I am praying for guidance but I will be honest I don't think I am getting it.  Not that something is wrong with God but there is something wrong with me receiving his grace and mercy.

I have been struggling with this for some time.  I know he is there and I have no doubt that he really does do miracles.  I just have not figured it out yet.  I don't think that I myself am capable of getting it.  Again don't get me wrong I am NOT anti God, I just feel that something in me blocks me from getting all that he has to offer.

This is all for today.  I am drained from the last few days so I am going to get ready for bed early.  Have a great night.

Weird Kind of Day

This is going to be a quick post for today.  Nothing went as planned and I have so much to still get done.  I woke up and things started good, then it got a little awkward.  Then work was weird as well so that really threw me for a loop.  The rest of the day did not go as planned either so nothing worked out the way it was supposed to.  I just got home like 3 hours after I was supposed to and I still do not have my divorce papers and I wanted them to be ready to file  tomorrow.

So it is the big day I finally start the process and I am not really sure how I feel now.  I was sad and then I was ready and now I just want to get it started so I can be done with it.  I have been married to him for the last eight years and never thought it would end.  Even when he told me he had gotten a girlfriend when I thought we were going to be making things stronger.  That my friend was a big shock.  You think that you are going to make your marriage stronger and he tells you he has a girlfriend and does not want to be with you like that anymore.  It was really hard.  Especially now that he puts his girlfriend before you and your child. 

He only seems to want to hang out with her when he wants and is very inflexible about weekends.  I am just beyond the whole situation.  I just want to get it done so that I can move forward with what is best for me and my daughter.  It in no way will be easy but after a year I feel it is time.  I really tried to work on it but he is unwilling so time to go.