Your New Bundle

Hey guys, I hope today is going well for you.  I was thinking and realized that some of you out there are getting ready to have a baby.  It must be so scary to be thinking about bringing a new life into this crazy time.  I want to assure you it is going to be ok.

The world has faced many crazy times before, we have had to deal with extreme uncertainty many times.  We have faced severe diseases before and while scary, we have made it.  This is not the first global crisis nor will it be our last and that is just a fact.  What we do know is that we have made it each time one has popped up, this will be no exception.

With that said embrace this time.  Enjoy the journey, before you know it that baby will be here and you will be so full of love.  Enjoy every day, you will soon be watching them grow and turn into and amazing little person.

I know you are trying to get items around to be prepared and it can be a little difficult right now so here is a link to a discount on some items you might need or just want.  Enjoy https://amzn.to/2VzFeKq  lets beat this lockdown together, just as long as it is 6 feet apart

Another Year Ending

So here we are , another year over.  I am having mixed feeling really.  I am truly over this year.  It honestly was one of the crappiest years.  I lost my Mom, My daughter's health got worse and so did mine, my mental health has been shaken, and I got terminated from my job.

See why I am very unimpressed with this year?  The hard part is it means the last year my Princess is a child.  My little girl will turn 18 and then start her Senior year of high school.   That makes me sad and also ramps up my anxiety because that means new problems and I am totally unprepared to be the Mom of an adult who I still have to make all the decisions for because her health prevents her from being capable of doing it.  She is smart, and works hard.  She aspires to become a school teacher.  The problem is her seizures make life hard.  The truth is my adult child will still have days where she will be more like a 5 year old than an 18 year old. 

Totally not her fault and I accept that as her Mom this is absolutely my responsibility.  I have just spent 17.5 years making the decisions because she is a child.  What happens when I try to help and she says no because she really doesn't know what is happening right then or if I am unable to become her guardian so they will only talk to her and she gets too frustrated to make the right decisions?  Being a person with severe anxiety dealing with this has been an extremely difficult task.  I am soooo not ready.

As with the years past it does not matter how prepared or unprepared we are it will come.  It will bring with it whatever it wants and life will continue.  I think of the worst and pray for the best.  There will be no stopping it and all we can do is try to make each day count the best we can.

So as you close out these final days, just enjoy them because life is going to happen.  It will be messy sometimes and other times it will be great.  So my wish for all of you is that, May you have more great days than messy ones.

Thank you for visiting, until next time.

Quality-V-Quantity During the Holidays.

Hey there!!! With Christmas just round the corner I wanted to share something.  Do not forget what the holidays are all about.  Sue it is nice to get a gift from people, but the important part is the time spent.

Especially with kids.  Most of the time people can not remember what they got for Christmas when they were little but what they do remember is the people.  They remember that they always spent time with their loved ones.  That family was there.

Don't have a big family or really any family?  Again it is about quality.  Spend time with your favorite people.  Make the time count with the people that matter the most to you.  That is the big picture here.  For me and my daughter it is time with my parents.  Unfortunately since my Mom passed this year it is a little harder but that means the time with my Dad is even that much more special.

No matter who is there or what you do I sincerely hope you have a blessed and happy Holiday season.

Thanks for visiting talk to you soon.

How the Year began

So in previous posts I said I would explain a lot of other things, so here is the start of that.  This post will be hard so I will tell you how this year started and then I will highlight other events in another post so I can get through this one without losing it completely.

This year started out with my Dad letting me know my Mom had not been feeling well so she decided to go to the hospital.  That was nothing new as my Mom had been in the hospital many times before because she had pneumonia a lot and some times it got bad and she had COPD so she needed help sometime.  I asked him did I need to come and was assured that it was just a normal trip and things would be ok.  This went on for a few weeks and my Dad got the same answer from Dr.s and relayed it to me saying there was nothing serious happening the infections was just pretty bad and she had developed a UTI so it would just be a little longer .

At this point you are probably thinking why would I not have gone and visited my mom in the hospital after he being there for a few weeks.  Well as you may remember my daughter has seizures.  Things have been out of control and the hospital was over an hour drive and I also had to work to support me and my daughter.  I felt bad but my Dad reassured me that my Mom was ok and a couple times I even chatted with her on the phone so that made me feel a little more comfortable in the situation.


One day I get a call from my Dad and he is crying so I panic.  Finally he tells me he got a call and we have to make a decision. I am freaking out because who wants to do that.  So I go get my cousin from work down the road I smoke a million cigarettes (I know not the best idea) while we get my aunt and daughter.  My cousin goes back to work while me, my daughter , and aunt drive two hours to my Dad who is at his house in shock.  More family comes as we talk about what to do.  We decide that me and my Dad and daughter will go in the morning to talk to the Dr and get more information.

That was a complete disaster.  We get told different stories and that we should not have received that call.  Things were not good but they didn't think we were to that point yet.  My Mom was responding to us being there and even gave my Dad a kiss.  We were Pissed to say the least that they put us through that.  Family from out of state was on their way because we thought my Mom was about to die.  We visited with her and everyone and after a few days were assured that they were not convinced she was going to die soon.  We all go home and for two weeks my Dad tells us how things are getting better she is still responding to him and the Dr's are hopeful.  Things feel good.

Then it is February and my Mom's birthday is here and we are excited because she made it another year and things seemed good.  My Dad went to visit her and spent most of the day with her and said she was tired but doing good for her situation.  It was getting late so he told her that he was going back to the hotel room and would be back in the morning.  I had talked to him and her and we planned for us to come visit later because we wanted him to have the weekend with her.  It was about 11:00 pm on February 16, 2017 and I had just crawled into bed.  My phone lit up and it was my Dad, as I answered I grabbed my daughter and started getting out of bed and putting my shoes on.  What happened next has shattered our whole world.

They had called my Dad and said she didn't have much time.  Before I even hung up we were almost in the car and time was not real.  I had to get gas and bought more smoke (again I know, bad idea).  My daughter got a hold of people as I drove for what seemed like forever and got pulled over twice for a broken taillight.  We arrived and the strongest woman I know, the woman who taught me to be strong and be a mom was so weak.  She barely responded but tried to hang on.  We prayed, we brought in a priest for final rights, we told her to hold on, we cried.

On February 17, 2017 at 2:30 AM we had to make the hardest decision we have ever made.  After 69 years on Earth, 38 years of marriage, 38 years of being my Mom, I was the reason they got married :),being my daughters Grandma for 16 years, we had to say goodbye.  It was the worst day of my life.  Her body had shut down, while her brain was working.  It was so unreal.  This year has been so hard.  My Mom was the person I would call when I needed advice.  She would tell me straight, she would never tell me what I wanted to hear, but rather what I needed to hear, good or bad.  It was the end of the world that we knew and the next week following her death was beyond stressful.

This has been long but I promised. So that is how my year started and it is still not getting much better but that is for another post.  I need to get myself back together.  Thank you for reading.  Unitl next time.

Time Flies

So yesterday we had my daughter's 17th birthday party.  It is bittersweet to be honest.  On one hand I am excited to see what amazing things she does in the future, but on the other it is hard to admit that my little baby is 1 year away from being an adult.

When she was born 18 seemed so far away.  Even as the years passed it still seemed like there was plenty of time left for her to be a child.  To be honest even when she turned 16 it still didn't seem that close.  It felt like I still had all the time in the world.  Then this year hit and things took a crazy turn right from the start which I will get to in a later post but then it hit me.  My baby will be in her last year of childhood.

Next year my little princess will legally be an adult.  She will be left to be responsible for her own lief choices.  It is overwhelming. Did I do enough to prepare her for adulthood?  Will she be ready to face the world without me if needed?  It is really hard to accept this for me.

I plan to make this year great and just enjoy it.  I want her to enjoy the last year of childhood as stress free as possible.  I am determined to make sure I also do my best to make sure she feels ready to face her new challenges as they come.  I think as a parent you are never really ready for anything that happens the first time.  In the case of them growing up I feel like no matter how many kids you have it is always emotional when a child grows up.

So with that I congratulate all the parents out there on keeping it together while raising your kids.  To giving them your all and loving them each and everyday.  You Mom and Dad are rock stars.

Thank you for visiting.  Until next time.

Medical ID Bracelet

Before we get started, Yes I did sign up to get an incentive if someone buys one.  It was my choice they did not ask me.  I am working on a few projects that I will be telling you about in future posts so I am trying to earn money.  Why should we listen or buy this item then, is what you might be asking right now.

Well as many of you know my daughter has seizure disorder.  This is a game changer for families who are constantly dealing with medical personnel.  It puts medical information right there and takes away the stress of possibly forgetting something in an emergency situation.  I am in the process of purchasing mine as well.  This way if my daughter ends up at the hospital before I can get there they already have medical information at hand.  That is a huge relief as a parent to know my child will get the correct assistance when needed instead of them guessing until I get there.

She will be 18 next year and going to college the next so this is a God send really.  She can be a little more independent and I can have piece of mind knowing she will have the information she needs to be taken care of.  

I hope you will at least take a look at the product if you have a loved one with medical concerns.  You can buy if you want or not no pressure.  I just wanted to share with other people that could use some peace of mind.  To check it out click the following link http://lddy.no/odq

Thank you for visiting, until next time.

VACATION!!!!

So after not having any real time off to just chill with family or friends we are up north with my Dad. I will talk about this in a later post but in February my Mom passed and spending time with my Dad has become even more important to me.  Life is so precious.

My Daughter also turns 17 on Sunday and I have no idea where the times has gone.  So many things to plan and prepare for over the next year.  As we enjoy our vacation I am reminded of the importance of taking time for yourself.  I know easier said than done.  I rarely take time for myself, heck I don't even get alone time in the bathroom.  Either an animal is pushing its way in ahead of me or my Daughter finds this a good time to talk to me.

We were a little short on funds again this year and my Daughter's health has been all over the place so we did travel south as planned, but being here with my Dad and having time to just be in the moment is soooo worth just not being at home for a week.  I have had a crazy year and so much to do before winter gets here so it is nice to just take a break from dealing with that stuff, all of which I will get to as  I get back into the swing of my blogging.

Well not much else for today.  I just wanted to stick to my word of posting more often.  I will be posting more detailed things later that get you all caught up on what has kept me away.  Until next time.

Happy 4th of July

This is just a quick post.  I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July.  I hope you had a great holiday weekend and maybe even got to spend time with family and friends.

I was up north with my parents and daughter.  It is one of my favorite times of the year.  We just forget about what is going on and spend time with each other.  I hope you had that same type of weekend.

A Trip To The Zoo

Yesterday we decided to go to the Detroit Zoo.  It was a great day to go.  It was the perfect temperature so you were not hot or cold.  We got to see a lot of different animals that are not at our local zoo.  They did have the over head viewing tunnels so we got to see the penguins, sea lions, and polar bears swim overhead.  That was fun to see. The sea lions were playing and swimming upside to look at us.

It was a fun day getting out of the house which with all the stuff that has been going on we definitely needed to get out and have fun.  We have not been doing a whole lot of anything lately so for the most part it was really nice.  I am not an out in public type of person so that is a little hard for me.  Not that I am afraid but I get frustrated with rude people who think the world revolves around them so they just do what they want.  Like in the snake exhibit there was a lady that literally kept leaning on me to look over my shoulder because she felt the line was moving to slow.  There were a ton of children so I had to fight the urge to make a scene and say something though.

The other thing is I do not walk that much anymore.  So after 3 hours of walking around I was in great pain.  I could barely make it to the car.  Then after sitting in the car when I tried to get out and walk to the restaurant it was horrible.  Today I am still quite sore so I doubt that I will be getting a whole lot done.  My feet are so sore and my back is in massive pain.

Oh well I guess it is the price I pay to enjoy my friends and make sure my daughter has a great summer.  Plus I got some exercise to say the least so it was worth it I am guessing.  I hope you are enjoying your summer!

Just Talking

So things have been a little crazy.  I have my kidney stone and I am trying to avoid surgical removal but my Dr. is starting to push it.  My daughter was very sick over the weekend and then missed three days of school with it being so close to the end.   I am working with her to try to get her grades to where they should be but it is hard when she is sick a lot between migraines, seizures, and regular illness.  Her grades are not that bad all things considered but I know she wants to do better, and I know she absolutely can.

At least I am home right now so that has been extra helpful during this time.  I am really working on ideas to stay home permanently.  I have already researched insurance for individuals so that I know what it will cost each month to insure us on my own.  Now it is time to start putting my skills to use and seeing what  can pull off.  There are plenty of people who have figured out how to make money at home and still pay bills and such.  If they can I am determined to figure it out for myself.

My next post will have some more helpful hints on how to earn some extra money.  I have been doing very well.  I just bought my daughter some more of her medical stuff she needed and didn't pay a cent and her party is pretty much covered other than the actual day of and a hoop skirt for the dress. I have actually never had this much money in my accounts at once other than tax time.  I have been doing my best to save money as much as I can.  I did spend some more money on a couple of my credit cards but it was for a gift and my house, but I have only used them about 3 times in the month and a half that I have been home.

Our journey together is one that will take some time but in the end will be worth it.  If you have any success stories I would love to hear them.

Sorry I went Missing

I just wanted to say sorry for not posting in so long.  I need to get back to our debt reduction series.  I hope you are doing well and have been able to save some money and pay down some bills.  I have so much to go over that has happened lately.

To start I am working at home. With my daughter's health and her needing me more I have taken the step of being home more often now.  It has been a little challenging getting started but by the grace of God I know I am going to figure this out.  It will get easier as I get more used to the idea.

I am not losing weight like I had hoped and I have been in a lot of pain so I am back to the Dr. next week.  I know I need to get this figured out but I a a little worried about what they are going to say is wrong.  Hopefully it is not something that is going to be drastic to fix.

Well those are the big changes as of right now.  I am still saving and paying bills although my income is not as big right now but I know it will pick up in the future.  I just have to get the hang of what I am doing but a lot of my friends are working from home now so I know I can do it if they can.  I will be back soon.

We are on this journey together and I happy you are here.

Serious Thinking

I have so much going through my head lately.  I want a change so I have a lot of things to accomplish ahead.  I could lose my job any day so that really puts a spin on the situation,  I need a job that lets me just work and has structure.  If I could afford to work for myself I totally would because it would make things so much better around here.  Sales jobs are just not my thing.  If some one doesn't want to buy something I am not one to really push the issue.

I want so much more for my daughters future so I have a lot of work to so there as well.  She only has 2 years until college.  It may seem like I have time but if you are a parent you know how fast time flies.  I want to give her the sweet 16 she is dreaming of and also give her the choice of whatever college she wants.

I want a better future for myself as well not just sitting on my couch because I am poor or do not feel good half the time.  I want to be able to enjoy life a little.  I think I need to make a check list of things I want to do do so that I can keep up on my goals, then as I check them off it will also help me have a sense of accomplishment.  I think I just want my life to mean something one day.  I am not saying I need to be mega famous but when my daughter talks about me to her grand kids I want it to be positive things.

I know we all feel this way at some point but I want to do something about that feeling.  I want to actually make that feeling go away and turn it into something positive.  I want to look back on my life and be completely at peace when it is time for me to leave this world.

Slightly Rough Day

So as some of you know my daughter suffers from neurological issues.  Most days are ok with a little confusion over small things.  She does her best to go to school as much as possible and tries to be positive as much as she can.  She is always worried about her friends and would do anything to help anyone.  She is my special princess.

Today was not a usual day.  She missed almost the whole school day and finals are in two weeks so that is tough.  She basically had short term memory loss for the whole day.  It was 9 pm and she still thought it was dinner time.  It is a little scary right now but I am still working to stay positive.  I know God is with us during this time,  I just wish that made me feel better about going to sleep.  Tomorrow could be a completely normal day or this could be the beginning of a tough week,

I think it would be easier to handle if I had more answers.  They can't tell me why she has seizures and migraines all the time.  They can't tell me if she will grow out of it or if we even have the right meds yet.  That is the hardest part for me.  I want to know what is going on and how I can help but I don't and I can't.

I want to help my princess but there is nothing I can do to make it better.  I just have to sit back and watch as she suffers and I can't do anything for her.  She depends on me to keep her safe and I can't against this particular situation.

Getting Going

So I am trying to start the new year by getting my life and home in order.  The hard part is doing it with chronic pain and chronic fatigue.  The problem is you get motivated to get things done but have no energy to do it.  Your body and mind are exhausted but you attempt things any way and that only leads to more pain and exhaustion.

I really do try to keep going and get stuff done. I do not want my daughter to think I am lazy and that it is ok not to get stuff done but then I suffer later and can not do stuff that I want to do with her, further complicated by her seizures and chronic issues we are stuck in a cycle.  I want her to know that it is ok to live but showing her is a little harder than that.

This year I am claiming it is going to be a better year.  I am believing it.  I am going to attempt the gym more and go to church more often.  I want my daughter to know it is ok to be tired but you can not give up.  I am pushing through this year to show her there is more to life than the computer and couch.

I hope you are having a blessed day and enjoying the first day of 2016.

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to take a moment to wish every one a very merry Christmas.  This time of year is such a great time.  It is a time to slow down and be with family and friends.  I get to enjoy being with everyone.  I love the excitement of the year and being with my daughter.

Today we spent time with my parents.  We don't see them much any more since they moved up north from us.  We are lucky to still have them around so I love the time I get to spend with them.  It is a time to just relax and take in the world around us.  You know that the new year is right around the corner and so many possibilities are coming.

I have heard people say " who cares about the new year it is just going to be the same stuff another year longer".  Well I like to think that  it means we can look toward something new coming.  New year dreams, new adventures, new blessings, a time for new ideas.  I like to think of it as a fresh time to get going.  It is like how nature takes time to rest during winter and them blooms bright come spring.  Well that is what we can do with the new year. We come back refreshed from all the stuff that has happened over the past year.  Brush it off and think of the amazing adventure ahead.

With that said I hope you have a very blessed week ahead and smile as you look forward to all the possibilities  that are headed your way.

Happy Holidays from our house to yours.

Just a Little Chat

So the holidays are upon us.  For me that means shopping for my daughter, parents and a few friends.  It is a time to just be with family and enjoy,  we can start to look forward to the next year as well.  It is a fun time of year.

Some people get all stressed out and are so caught up in the shopping they miss out on the joy of the season.  I like just slowing down and enjoying what is going on in my life.  My daughter gets so excited about Christmas still which is nice to see at her age.  We take time to pick out the gifts for everyone together.  She is very particular about what she wants to get people.  We help buy gifts for a needy child each year and she likes picking stuff out for them.  I think she would spend every last dollar I have on them if I would let her.  I feel blessed to have raised such a caring child.

As we get closer I want to slow down even more and enjoy the time.  It seems like each year it goes faster and faster, before I know it she will be 18 and graduating high school and off to college.  I want to enjoy every last second I can.  Even though this year has been so rough, when I stop to think there is still so much to be thankful for.

So as the holidays roll through take take the time to enjoy the people around you.  Slow down and just take it all in.  It is going to go by no matter what so why not just enjoy it.  You will not get time to do it again.

Holding On By a Thread

Lately it has been one mess after another it seems like.  This has been an extremely challenging year.  There was my daughter and all the sinecures she was having.  Her health was beginning   to decline and I was scared that she may not make it through the year.  It was an extremely hard point in life.

Then there was the baby.  It is still haunting me almost every day.  I always think about it and how things would be different if I was still pregnant.  I know things happen for a reason but it doesn't make the situation hurt any less. My uncle that past away in June would have had his birthday yesterday.  We decided to have a small family dinner in his honor.  My cousin had his new baby there and I couldn't even look at it or go int the same room.  It was horrible.

People who I thought were my friends have basically cut me off and no longer really even acknowledge me because they feel I don't have time for them and such.  I guess that isn't too bad considering they have not taken me and my daughter into consideration and feel like we should worry about them more even though my life has been a mess.

The topper is now I am on the verge of losing my job.  I do not make enough really as it is and now I might lose the only income I really have. I already owe like everyone a ton of money so losing my job is not really feasible. I have no control over it though at this point which makes it tough.  They will either keep me or they won't.

So This year has not been one of my favorites.  It has been one of the most trying, yet here I am still.  I have no idea why I am here or what my purpose is but I am here.  I will still take each day as it comes but what my reason is right now I do not know

Getting on With Your Life After Loss

So it has been more than a month since my loss.  I have good days and bad days.  Some things are a little more emotional than others.  My cousin had a baby the other day and day and my friend is about to have one any day now.  Don't get me wrong I am very happy for both of them.  I wish them nothing but the best.  It doesn't make it any less hurtful in my situation.

There are thing every where that are reminders.  Even reading the ads is hard when they are having the baby sales.  Seeing everyone out with there babies and knowing that won't happen for me is hard.  Sometimes I think about what it would have been like had I still been pregnant.  I know how much time was left and I think about how big I would be and what I would be feeling right now.

It is hard.  I remind myself of all the reasons that it is ok, like all the pain I was in and the fact that I have a child who already needs so much of my time.  Of course my age was a big thing.  The big one is God needed another angel for something.  Those things sometimes help me remember to not be so lost.  Then all it takes is one little thing like some one selling a car seat on line or a coupon for bottles and suddenly I am back to the fact that I don't need those because I am not pregnant.

It has only been a little over a month so it is still fresh.  In time I know I will be better.  I can't say it will ever go away but it will get better.  I will be able to see other people have new babies and not feel loss but rather joy and happiness.  One day the pain will be so much less but until then I will have to do my best to move forward.

Another Year Older

So my birthday was Sunday and now I am a year older.  I am in my late 30's and so much has happened in my life.  This last year has been a complete roller coaster.  Though I have figured out that each year I worry less about the number my birthday brings.

I am more happy with spending time with my family.  For the last 3 years I have used my birthday weekend to go with my daughter and my parents to Uncle John's Cider Mill.  I am in Michigan in case you didn't know and it is a very popular place during the fall.  They have a pumpkin patch and make their own cider and donuts.  When we get there we take the ride to the patch to get started.

We stroll through looking for the perfect pumpkins, then we load them in the car and head into the mill and get cider and donuts.  We pick out a table and eat and drink for a moment.  Before we go we hit the gift shop to see what new stuff they have that year.  It is a small trip but one I enjoy.  Why do I enjoy such a simple birthday?  Because it is with people I care so much about.

Sure I could have a huge party and invite a ton of people, but would it mean as much?  Would it create the great family memories that I now have.  Not at all.  My daughter will soon be grown herself and the childhood memories will be just that, memories.  She will have things of her own to do and ultimately have less time for these types of things.  I want to do things that make me happy.  Having my little quiet birthday does just that.  One year older and another year of joy.

Kids Growing UP

So the girl is in her freshman year of high school.  It has not started out so well but I know she has to grow up a little some time.  It is hard but I am trying my best.  This week she has her first homecoming dance.  Now she has been to other dances but nothing so important like this.  This is a big first step.

She originally even had a date to go but unfortunately he can't go now for what ever reason.  Honestly I am ok with that to tell the truth.  I was not ready for her to have a date too.  She seems to be ok and says she is going no matter what.  I am proud of her for stepping out of her comfort zone as well.  This is something that before she would not have been so willing to do.  All the other dances I had to be a chaperon so she would go.  This time she was the one who made the decision and knows I won't be there but she can call me if she needs me and I will be right there.

I think that is an important factor in her feeling confident in this new journey.  I have made sure she knows that no matter what she can count on me,  I always tell  her even if it is something that might make me mad she can always call me for help.  I tell her I might be mad but we can talk about it and I would rather her tell me the truth then lie and end up in danger.  She knows that even if she wants to date or drinks at a party she can talk to me and we will get through whatever together.  I want her to know that I am there.  Even if she makes a bad choice I would rather her come to me for help than get hurt.