Long Day Over

Today was a long day.  One coworker has been out of town for family issues and another one is only part time.  That left 2 of us to run the office even though we had enough patients to fill the whole schedule.  It is exhausting to say the least.

I got extra tired part way through the day.  It was a challenge  getting the work done to say the least.  I wish there was two of me sometimes.  One to go to work and one to stay home and get this stuff done.  I am not a fan of house work at all.  It is not a secret either.  If I currently had the money I would sooo pay someone to clean for me.

I think if you can afford extra help go for it.  Just because you get some help doesn't mean anything bad about you.  It means you were smart enough to know your limits but still get stuff done.  Getting stuff done means you know what's up in life.  Especially if you h ave any type of health issues.  You really deserve to relax and get some help.  Plus if that is how someone makes their money then you are making it so they can buy groceries or gas for their car so definitely a good thing.

So this post was not planned and went a little here and there but that is kind of the idea of this blog.  I just write about what comes to mind and hope it helps some one else maneuver their day, or just feel better about the choices they make.

Till next time.

Getting Going

So I am trying to start the new year by getting my life and home in order.  The hard part is doing it with chronic pain and chronic fatigue.  The problem is you get motivated to get things done but have no energy to do it.  Your body and mind are exhausted but you attempt things any way and that only leads to more pain and exhaustion.

I really do try to keep going and get stuff done. I do not want my daughter to think I am lazy and that it is ok not to get stuff done but then I suffer later and can not do stuff that I want to do with her, further complicated by her seizures and chronic issues we are stuck in a cycle.  I want her to know that it is ok to live but showing her is a little harder than that.

This year I am claiming it is going to be a better year.  I am believing it.  I am going to attempt the gym more and go to church more often.  I want my daughter to know it is ok to be tired but you can not give up.  I am pushing through this year to show her there is more to life than the computer and couch.

I hope you are having a blessed day and enjoying the first day of 2016.

Need a Nap

I am soooo exhausted lately.  I have no energy and I just want to sleep all the time.  I know I should go work out or something so I would have more energy but I just want to sleep.  It is horrible because no mater how much or little I sleep I have no energy.

I have asked the doctors and they have no answer.  Now that I am not pregnant that is not a reason but they can not give me a better one.  I just want to be able to make my to do list and then actually be able to do it.  I have basically sat on my couch all day today wishing it was bed time.

Hopefully tomorrow I will have the energy to be able to get some stuff done.  I have a ton of stuff that I need to get done at my house and my other house too.  My daughter will be at her dad's house so there will be no distraction as far as making sure she doesn't have a seizure and that sort of thing I can just get to work and do my stuff so hopefully I can make it.

I have been avoiding going to my dr. because he doesn't know I am not pregnant anymore and I really do not want to have to talk about it, but I really need to get some answers.  I do not want to be the person who is trapped in their home because they can no longer function properly or because I have to be on so many medications that I feel like a zombie any way.

Here is to having a good day tomorrow.  I am going to think positive and just plan on a good day so hopefully I will pump myself up a little and make it happen.

Lazy Cold Day

It is turning into fall here.  It is cold outside and I officially have the heat on.  Plus it is raining so it i even colder.  Today I basically lazy.  The girl and I did do some cleaning but not enough to really count.  I ordered another blanket so the animals can stop stealing mine.  It is a #victoriasecret sherpa so it is very warm.

I really have no plans for this weekend.  She goes with her dad tomorrow so I have no idea what I want to do.  Probably going to be lazy again until it is time to go get her.  I really should be more productive but I really do not feel like it.  I have so much work to do around here.  Does the cold weather do this to anyone else?

It is like it just drains a person of all life.  I need to find a way to get going because my daughter has made a huge mess of my house and it is not going to clean itself.  The desire to sleep is so strong though.  Hopefully tomorrow I will be more motivated or at least fake it enough to get some stuff done.  I have a ton of clothes to go through and some already bagged up to donate.  I just need to get it done.

Well wish me luck hopefully I can get going.

So Yeah

Uh so usually I would come on here with a real purpose and some advice.  Today I am just here to chat.  I am exhausted.  Like in every area of my life I am just tired.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, I am for real tired.  Like keeping my eyes open is a real chore.  Everything is very draining.

Normally most people would say well then chill, relax, take some time to yourself.   That in perspective sounds great but what if you are the only adult in the home and everything around you is like massively needing attention?  At what point do you just say screw it and take the needed rest.  I mean the laundry needs to be done, the house needs cleaning and repairs.  My car doesn't work so I am using my parents and now it is not working so now I am borrowing a friends car.  This is the real struggle that I am going through.

My daughter has many medical issues and that means she needs extra attention.  She needs constant attention through out each day.  It is something that I do because I love my child, she is my world.  The problem becomes, if I am spending all my time taking care of her then who is taking care of me.  I don't mean in the sense of please come pay my bills and do all my house work, which I mean really at some point we have all wished would magically happen but we live in reality,   What I am talking about it ok so today I am running behind so lets do a ponytail and no make up and grab McDonald's for breakfast and the gym can wait until tomorrow.

Next thing you know the only time you wear anything "nice" is when you go to work.  Sweat pants are your best friend and  doing your hair means you brushed it out after the shower.  Makeup?!? What is make up?  Going out means I made it to the store and got the food my daughter needs for school and stuff.

I am not here for a pitty party that is not what this is.  It is just an out loud moment of trying to figure out at what point a person gets so far behind that everything else in the world comes before them self. Why is it, especially women in general, seem to forget that thy are people to and they need the same care and attention that everyone else gets.  Like pure normal stuff that humans do everyday.

Ok so that is that.  A little food for thought today.  I just seem to not really have it together today.  I do have a home and friends and just like everything else I will get through this.  You will too. So today go put on your fancy jeans and straighten your hair.  Then turn on your favorite show and relax.  It sounds crazy but why not one day is ok.

Time To Find My Purpose

So it is going on two years since I came back from down south.  Two years since I found out my husband was cheating on me and wanted to end our marriage.  It has been a long all most two years and nothing has really changed.  I am still alone and broke.  I have so many ideas all the time but never act on any of them so that is not good.

I was not born to just get by.  No one is.  We all have a purpose here and we are destined to do great things really.  We all have that one thing we are meant to do, and we are meant to do it in a way no one else can.  The problem is life starts happening and we lose sight of these things.  We start to doubt our abilities in life.  It is tragic how many people go through life and never meet there potential.  Well no more.

Before I die I will find my purpose and I will be great at whatever it is that I was destined to do.  I need to start by getting my self organized.  You can not have a productive purposed life with clutter every where.  This will be hard at first.  I have gotten very disorganized over the years.  I guess it is due to the drama in my life.  You start to show signs outward when you are conflicted outside.

I need to get back into a routine.  I need to get my physical self back under control as well.  I lost weight and was very happy, then all hell broke loose and I have gained almost 10 pounds back.   It is more like I am just getting by in life waiting for things to happen.  It is time to start making things happen and do my best each and every day.

So first on the agenda is to get organized and get moving.  Having disorder and no movement at all is useless.  I can't get forward if I am not moving in the first place.

Busy Times in the Castle

So here we are only about 3 weeks into January and the fun is already starting.  I should start taking random courses in repair of all kinds.  I keep having things break and stuff is wearing out so fast me and my finances cant keep up. The power was out for about 2 hours and I spent all day at a car repair shop but my car is still not fixed. Plus having my Mom go to the hospital didn't make things any better.

So my had something happen and ended up in the ICU which was very scary.  She is home now but I do not know exactly how she is doing.  They keep changing her medications but that only helps for a bit so that was weighing on me a lot. 

We had a really bad snow storm so I missed 2 days of work.  Then after I was able to get there the power steering that I just had fixed stopped working again.  I will not be able to get it fixed for about 3 more days.  After shoveling from the storm for 3 days, it makes it very hard to steer with out power steering.  My fingers keep going numb even when I am not doing anything.

Of course with all the things I am trying to do around the house there is not a lot of time spent doing nothing.  Due to the weather and the fact that my house is so old mice are coming in like crazy to find shelter.  With 4 dogs it is not very peaceful with them searching for every noise they hear.  I know this type of things happens this time of year in old houses but it is driving me crazy and my dogs are over it too.

Then my dryer died.  No clean towels and the thing just went down.  I currently have towels hanging in random places around my house so I can at least shower for work next week.  I took the other one apart but it is really old and I don't want to get hurt taking apart something I shouldn't.  My cousin said I could take hers but first I need to find some one to go get it with since my vehicle is going crazy.

I think maybe it is time to start taking some classes and then maybe I can repair this stuff myself.  I hate not being able to get things done when I want them done.  I do plan on getting some foam calk though and filling in as many spaces as I can in hopes that keeps the mouse problem to a minimum.  If you out there have any suggestions for these situations I am all ears.

Getting My Clean On

So after sleeping in today we got up at 10.30 then went got breakfast.  Then we cam home and got to work hard core.  We were scrubbing things like crazy and we got things going pretty well.  We got a lot of stuff cleaned up that has been needing done for awhile.  We moved into this house but my parents never moved their stuff out so it has been a challenge to deal with their stuff and ours so working on getting it out today was great.

We also had to do our regular chores too.  Of course today made for 2x everything.  Especially dishes.  We are pulling out all the dishes to get them cleaned up and get out the ones we don't need.  We still have baby dishes from when I was a baby in this house so it is a lot of work.  I do feel a good sense of accomplishment while I am getting this stuff done.  I will be really happy when I can get all of my stuff in here.  It has been hard without my stuff to use. 

I really miss having my own stuff.  We have been using my parents stuff for the last year.  I can not wait to get back to using my own things.  I miss sooo much of my stuff.  I keep finding stuff in the still packed boxes.  That only makes me work harder to make room for it.  Well it is getting later and I still have some stuff to take care of so I am going to be done for tonight.  Have a great day.